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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390494">Not Pitiful Children Anymore</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OuzoAthena11/pseuds/OuzoAthena11'>OuzoAthena11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>'cause he's at that stage of mental issues where he refuses help, But He'll Get Better, Definitely AU, I forgot to mention that Jeremy moved in freshman year, I'm not saying Michael handled this well at all, Jeremy kind of sucks - Freeform, Jeremy moves back, Michael Mell Has a Squip, Michael actually working on his issues, Oh and now Jeremy has a squip too yay, Oops, Poor Jeremy is getting left behind for now, Rich and Michael are friends, Rich too but well it didn't work out as nicely, Squip theories, but he was trying, like a lot of them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:01:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>83,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OuzoAthena11/pseuds/OuzoAthena11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jeremy's dad decides to take a promotion to get away from the memories of his wife, this means that Jeremy moves. And Michael is left to face the horrors of freshman year on his own. But then he makes a new friend, and who could've predicted the path that put them on?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brooke Lohst &amp; Michael Mell, Jake Dillinger &amp; Michael Mell, Jake Dillinger &amp; Rich Goranski, Jeremy Heere &amp; Michael Mell, Michael Mell &amp; Chloe Valentine, Michael Mell &amp; Jenna Rolan, Rich Goranski &amp; Michael Mell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. So it begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay ya'll I can't promise all chapters will be this long. I do have a tendency to write  5k minimum per chapter. This is kind of a prologue chapter to get to the real stuff-how does Be More Chill change with the changes I've made in less than 15k words?</p><p>I have taken some liberties, a lot of the activities are ones I know existed in high school in MN, a couple I even participated in. Timelines and such will be based off of that. I know it's not accurate to everywhere. And I barely remember high school as it is. But I was definitely the kid weighed down by mental issues I didn't know I had who appeared to not want friends because I was too anxious to ask to sit with anyone and so sat alone.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael sighed as he entered the school on Halloween day. Even the promise of all the teachers wearing costumes wasn't enough to cheer him up. Two months ago, everything was fine. They were starting high school. They were excited, even if they were the same people as in middle school. But then he had a bit of a meltdown, as high school was different than middle school with less patience, and he didn't qualify for as much special ed because of stricter requirements and being better at coping than the start of eighth grade. Things were a little awkward between him and Jeremy after that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then... Jeremy's mom walked out. She just up and left. Jeremy and his dad were devastated. Michael was out of his depth, but his moms at least had an idea on how to help. But... Jeremy's dad struggled, and then ultimately decided to take an offered transfer at work, so they didn't live in the same house with all the memories. Michael and Jeremy spent hours together as they cried about it and tried to get as much time together as possible before he moved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had only been two weeks since the big move. Michael was alone. All alone in high school. This wasn't the plan. He'd always been able to get through it so long as he had Jeremy as his best friend, but now... Now he was alone and had no clue what to do. The last two weeks were miserable. And it was Halloween, they'd been planning on going trick or treating, because who cares about age limits? But now he was too anxious to do it alone because it was hard. To do those things alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael trudged through the halls, thinking about skipping class. Everyone was so happy, many were dressed up in some way because Halloween and costumes being okay, but he was just his own small island of misery. The day just dragged on and on, and he decided not to skip because he didn't want to deal with the disappointment of his moms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the end of the day, he wandered over to the theater because Halloween was a rehearsal free day. He didn't want to get on the bus but he wasn't ready for the lonely walk home. The theater was a nice place to hang out so long as things weren't going on. Then they would ask him to help and stuff. Not fun, not cool. He kind of laughed a little when he entered because the stage had some old sign lights, all lit up. For some reason. Not his problem. They were probably just because the play crew were having a bit too much fun with the sets. He walked up the steps and then sat down on the stage, looking out at all the seats. It wasn't a huge theater, there weren't a lot of seats. The theater was actually in a separate building because before this one was converted, there had been no actual theater for plays. There were even cool tunnels to get to the main school building, though a lot of students did prefer going out the buildings. It was a shorter trip unless they were already in the basement, at least.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed after a bit. Sometimes he imagined being on stage in a musical or play. He did like the idea, but he was too scared to follow through, and what if it actually wasn't for him? He'd go through it once for basically nothing. He had to content himself with orchestra and band instead. He refused to do choir where he had to sing in front of people. It was bad enough when the band and orchestra teachers had them practice their parts with just who else had that part. In front of everyone else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flopped back, deciding he didn't want to think about that many faces staring at him, waiting for him to do it right or mess it all up. Then he heard it. A sniffling noise. He shot up. He was not alone... He turned and scanned the stage behind him carefully, eventually spotting a small figure curled up under the light of some blue wings. Michael hesitated then took the plunge to go see who it was at least.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn't tell who it was until he was about to get the boy's attention, but then he recognized him. The kid was small for a high schooler, but he was a freshman, and had a lisp. ...that was all Michael really knew about him, besides the fact he seemed to be friends with Jake, and everyone kind of found that weird.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey... are you okay?” Michael asked him quietly, deciding against trying to touch him to get his attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was probably for the best considering the kid jumped and scrambled backwards- into the curtains right behind him. His flails just got him tangled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael stared then shook his head. “Whoa, sorry I scared you, it's okay. Calm down, you'll just get yourself more stuck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other kid stared and shook, slowly calming down. Michael sighed and inched forward. “Do you need help untangling yourself?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“N-no,” he stuttered before carefully pulling himself out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” Michael watched for a bit before speaking up. “I'm Michael. I don't remember your name.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's... it's Rich,” the boy mumbled. Michael tilted his head, noting that there was a slight lisp, but chose not to mention it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. Are you okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I...” The k- Rich drew his legs up to his chest and shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. That's fair.” Michael nodded. “I'm not having a great time either. My best friend moved away two weeks ago, and now I'm all alone. I've never been alone in school before, not since like....preschool or kindergarten. Our parents always made sure we were in the same class 'cause of my mental health.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... I've never even really had a friend before.”<br/><br/>“What about Jake?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He's nice... but we're just partners in a few classes, I don't think we're actually friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, a lot of people would disagree with that, you know.” Michael responded. “They certainly seem to think you are friends.”<br/><br/>“Well, we're not. Why would he be friends with such a freak like me?”</p>
<p><br/>“Aside from that lisp, why would you be a freak?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't sit still, and I talk too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay? That's nothing that bad you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me guess? ADHD, maybe some autistic tendencies as a result? I got ADHD too. I just get out the energy in other ways. And I am actually autistic too so...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? I'm not the only one?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You did notice that we were both in special ed classes last year, right? And that I'm in the same once a week two period special ed class as you too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... I kind of just thought it was sensory or something 'cause of the headphones.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sensory is certainly part of it, I can't stand the noise of a bunch of people talking over each other and it's hard to concentrate with that. But that's okay. I can manage. Mostly. It's easier with... well it was easier with Jeremy around so I'm kind of starting from scratch. What about you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I only got diagnosed 'cause the counselor insisted last year that there was more to my issues than just having a lisp and so I had no choice but to go get the thing done and my dad really wasn't happy about being told what was wrong with me. 'cause he thinks they made it up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah... that's no good. You don't want to go home do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They're going to lock the doors at four since there's nothing going on here tonight, so we're going to need to leave soon. Want to go to my house?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“R-really? Y-you don't mind?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope, not at all, come on.” Michael stood up and offered a hand. Rich took it and was pulled up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The walk to Michael's house was mostly quiet, with neither side really attempting to make conversation as neither were fully comfortable with that. Michael spent the whole time freaking out at his impulsive attempt at making friends. Maybe it'd work, but maybe it wouldn't? And he's not prepared to have a stranger at his house either, it was really really weird. And he had to resort to his anxiety breathing at times because he was freaking out that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And none of it showed because he was used to hiding it now. Because he freaked out over the stupidest of things, and after spending middle school being made fun of for it, he learned to keep it inward. Unless it was too much, which really took a lot these days. Well, it felt like it, but really it just meant more than an approaching panic attack. More like enough anxiety to cause several. And it certainly didn't stop him from freezing up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael opened the door and smiled at Rich. “Well, here we are. What do you like for snacks?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um... I like chips and salsa?” he asked hesitantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oooh. Mom made some seven layer bean dip yesterday, we can have that. It is for today after all, though gotta make sure there's enough for her and Mama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...You have two moms.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael just nodded, waiting to see if that would change things. Oddly, Rich seemed to relax a bit more at that and really started looking around instead of just looking at his feet. Well, Michael would take what he got.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe he could make a friend. It looked like Rich needed him far more than he'd needed Jeremy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time a whole week had passed, Rich and Michael could say they were friends. Sure, they had different goals in life (Rich wanted to live up to his father's expectations and have friends while Michael was content to just work on being okay with his issues), but they clicked and got along pretty great. Which was good, Rich needed someone in his corner because some of the upperclassmen were bullies. They never went as far as actually beating him up, but they did like to shove him around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was only so much Jake could do. And not much Michael could do either. Rich certainly felt guilty that Michael was getting targeted now, but Michael just shrugged it off. He wasn't exactly a bully magnet, but he was definitely not someone people would just not make fun of and shove around either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The worst was Friday, more than a week after they became friends when they were both knocked down near the stairs, nearly falling down them. That had gotten the attention of a few teachers, and those teachers immediately put those upperclassmen in detention because that could've had serious consequences for the two freshman, who were sent to the nurses office for ice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Both were glad to have the excuse to avoid class for a little while longer. They talked a bit about video games and what to play next and maybe going to the mall to pick up a new game. The nurse insisted they both sit down and be sure the bruising wasn't too bad for a whole class period, so they almost got out of their last class. But instead they skipped period 7 and then went to period 8. Michael was limping a little, though he didn't notice much since he figured the bruise was just that bad. Rich wasn't but he had a forming black eye from when he hit his head on the railing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then came after class. They were talking by Michael's locker (Rich had gotten to his locker first and filled up his backpack with homework) when Jake came running up to them. He looked them both over worriedly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I heard what happened, oh my gosh, are you alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give it some time to heal over, we'll be fine.” Michael closed his locker and leaned on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, but I heard they're already talking about revenge on you both and they were saying some pretty nasty things about you both being freaks and stuff, and they're really mad you ruined their weekend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pretty sure they ruined their weekend by getting caught, we didn't have to say a word,” Michael sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“B-but thank you for telling us,” Rich added in quietly. “It's good to know they'll be after us more than before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did they even do?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Knock us down by a stairwell. Luckily we didn't fall down the stairs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ouch, no wonder the teachers were pissed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Surprised they got caught though, teachers don't always look down that direction, always the other one.” Rich put in thoughtfully, but still speaking quietly. He was too self-conscious of his lisp to speak loud enough for others to hear outside of class.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I gotta get to practice, so good luck with avoiding all that.” Jake waved and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...does he even know what practice he has?” Michael asked Rich, who shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know I don't. Dude tries waaaaay too hard. Pretty the only reason he's getting away with it is the coaches don't mind since he's 'just' a freshman.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah. Well, want to head to the mall before we meet our doom?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, we really need to pick out some new games to play.”<br/><br/>“And see if there's some good deals on old ones.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That too,” Rich agreed as they walked out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So we walking, or should I text my mama? She's actually off for the next few days so she could drive us.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmm, might be best. Isn't it like an hour if we walk?” Rich was watching Michael's light limp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sent the text and then cringed a little at the response. “...apparently she was already planning on picking me up because the school called her about the shoving incident. So I imagine we're going to get an earful. And a thorough examination at some point to ensure there's no real damage.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So your doctor mom is picking us up, cool.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eh, not always cool... she's the sweeter one but she also has a big mama bear mode.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. But I don't have to worry about that, right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not if you're not planning on hurting me, kind of no. But she will also be angry on your behalf too so...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? But she barely knows me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you're my friend and they're mostly targeting you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The conversation halted as a 2007 Toyota corolla pulled up. Michael got in the passenger side quickly while Rich got in the back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey mama, thanks for the ride.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi Michael, hello Rich, you boys alright? You need anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both shrugged. “Lots of bruises,” Michael answered first. “Decided we needed cheering up and we'd had plans to look for more video games to play this weekend anyways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hope you're not planning on blowing all of your allowance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maaaaama you know I keep a stash of money at home saving up for stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, but I hope you know how much is there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael rolled his eyes. “I wasn't planning on grabbing all of the cash, I know better than that. That's the whole point of the big allowance, isn't it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just making sure you know what you're doing. I need to stop at the mall this weekend anyways, our anniversary is coming up so I need to get some browsing in on my spare time. I just hadn't considered doing it today. So we'll swing by home and grab what we need, do you need anything Rich?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh? Oh, no thanks ma'am. I don't like leaving my cash anywhere anyone can get it even at home.” Rich answered truthfully. Michael's mom looked at him a bit suspiciously but let it drop. He let out a breath. He had realized a little too late that that could be a red flag about how his home life is, though probably not a huge one. He just had to keep being careful. His dad wasn't too bad with his brother around to protect Rich, but that'll change in a year when he's off to college.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stop at the Mell residence didn't take too long before they were off to the mall. Michael chattered with his mom about his school day and what they were learning, how he felt about his orchestra class and all that the whole time, while Rich listened in kind of amazed silence. He knew Michael had ADHD. He knew that Michael could ramble. But he had never really thought of Michael as a chatterbox, like he had been before too many beatings and bullies had taught him better. But Michael... Michael was free to chatter, and his mama wasn't just indulging him, she was chattering back!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hadn't had much experience with her over the week since they became friends because she was a doctor and worked crazy hours so she had never been around. The other mom he had met and she was pretty cool but kind of scary? She wasn't so much a chatterbox as a listener, and that was also a unique experience for Rich, his brother was too wrapped up in himself and his own problems while his dad sometimes got physical but mostly neglected them to the point they had to sneak money from his wallet like they were stealing to be able to eat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually they made it to the mall. Michael's mom turned to them. “Okay boys, what stores do you plan to go to? I want to meet up with you in an hour to make sure you're okay, and I don't want you straying too far.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. We're going to a couple of stores, Target, Gamestop, and this retrogame store called TradeGames. They're all near each other.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, got it, I'll meet you by Target in an hour then.”</p>
<p><br/>Michael nodded and off the boys went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you okay with the time limit?” Rich asked. “Isn't that a bit... much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't see us taking more than an hour, neither of us are inclined to talk a lot to other people, we'll probably just browse really quickly and be done within like fifteen minutes. And mama shops quickly so the time limit is as much of a she's probably done at that point and will be ready for us to be done so we can leave at that point.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. That makes sense...” Rich responded, mulling it over. Actual, functional parent-kid relationships were weird. And his new friend had two moms! He shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They checked out the game stores first. “Because some of those old games cost more than what the new games cost and I'd rather get retro games right now,” Michael had declared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich had picked out an old Gamecube game while Michael enthusiastically grabbed the PS4 Kingdom Hearts final mix 1.5 and 2.5 set. He'd been waiting for an opportunity and since no old games were particularly interesting to him that they had (or at least none higher on his interests than the near full Kingdom Hearts set), that was what he decided on. They made it to Target and browsed, but ultimately decided they were satisfied with their new picks, which would give them a lot of hours of gameplay. Besides, they were both saving up to get a Switch and several games at the same time. Well, technically they probably could've picked up switches right there, but they were content with what they had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After messing around for a while in Target exploring other things the store had and laughing at each other's antics, they wandered outside to wait. They only had like ten minutes anyways, and it was better than getting distracted by yet something else interesting the store carried. They sat down and resumed an earlier conversation about retro versus modern. They both agreed that both could be good and bad, but there were in general pros and cons to every generation of consoles which was the main conversation there. They sipped at some mountain dew they'd picked up for fun (and because they were getting thirsty).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny seeing you freaks here after you got us in trouble. We have detention tomorrow thanks to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They froze and looked up to see three seniors in front of them, all looking ticked off. It wasn't even the full five that was starting to target both of them. Rich still wasn't sure why it was necessary for five upperclassmen to harass one or two freshman at one time. The intimidation factor maybe? But it seriously was ridiculous. And yeah the intimidation worked because it was freaking scary, even with just of them looming over them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Rich exchanged a terrified look and conveyed that silence was the best option to each other as the upperclassmen continued ranting about the indignity of being caught like that. As if five big teenagers laughing at two small ones on the floor wasn't going to get notice in some way, even if it was unusual for them to actually get caught.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, that was until Michael noticed the watch. “Where'd you get that, did you steal it?” It was a very fancy watch, the kind that cost hundreds of dollars.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm not a thief. I'm just very good at acquiring things that aren't mine,” the senior retorted, putting the watch in his pocket. “And you're going to get what's coming to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um. That's totally stealing.” Michael's eyes were wide because he was struggling with controlling his impulses especially since he really didn't agree with doing things like stealing. He knew he shouldn't open his mouth, and by how stiff Rich was next to him, he knew Rich agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're totally stealing and you should do that.” Michael squeaked. The senior grabbed his shirt collar and lifted him up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should really learn to shut your mouth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing to say pipsqueak?” Senior number 2 taunted Rich, who just shrunk further into the bench.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael looked around frantically, he wasn't willing to call for help but surely there was someone around to witness this... right? But unfortunately it wasn't super busy, and people were minding their own business.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you want from us?” Michael asked desperately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For you freaks to stay out of our way, you're even more pathetic than the freaks in our year. High school is survival of the fittest, and neither of you are going to survive the way you are.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“It's just pathetic seeing losers like both of you in our school, in special ed. You have to be really special to still have that in freshman year. I know the pipsqueak has a lisp, but what do you got headphones kid?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oooooh that makes me mad, you get to wear your headphones all the time, no matter what you're doing even in class!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-I'm autistic, I can't handle noise that well,” Michael managed to get out despite his eyes blurring with tears and his growing desperation to get out of the hold he was in. He started swinging his legs around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, geez. That's really a freak then. No wonder you're good friends with the pipsqueak.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why do you hate freaks so much!”</p>
<p><br/>“My older brother was one. He killed himself of shame from all the bullying.” Senior one, looking more and more ticked off by the struggling growled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael just stopped and stared. “...so you're literally doing the same exact thing to other freaks because... what how does that make any sense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was thrown to the ground and winced at the impact of his head on the smooth, hard floor. Senior 1 started in on him furiously while the other two held Rich back, who was now crying and making them disgusted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn't long before they were attacking him for crying and berating him for being a crybaby. A crowd formed, but true to the bystander effect, no one did a thing, they just watched as three seniors beat up two freshman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until Mama Bear appeared and started yelling at them angrily, having already called the police upon the sight of the commotion. She didn't even notice at first who the two getting beat up were. Then Rich collapsed to the ground and Michael sat up, broken glasses in hand, shaking and crying. She entered rage mode.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael moved over to make sure Rich was alright, only for Rich to sit up, wide eyed and panicked. Fight or flight had kicked in, and he made a run for it. Michael stood shakily and ran (limped) after him frantically. He couldn't even really keep track of his friend in the mall because no glasses meant just blurs. It wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it was a bit of a problem.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thankfully he didn't have to run far before Rich ducked into a store. Michael didn't even notice what kind of store it was, he was just focused on making sure Rich was alright. He heard Rich's panic attack and navigated around the shelves of shoes until he found his friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, hey, it's okay. Breathe with me.” Michael put a hand on him but removed it when it made things worse. Instead he sat down close but not touching and started counting out breathing until Rich calmed down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before they could talk about what happened, they were interrupted. “Are you two done now? You're bleeding, you know.”<br/><br/>“Sorry... just bullying problems.” Michael apologized sheepishly as he gingerly stood up, the pain was far more obvious now than it had been. Rich took his offered hand but didn't seem like he was inclined to speak.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm. I got something that can help with that.” He left and came back with two gray, oblong pills. “Costs a lot of money, and you take one with mountain dew, considering your state, if you both get one, I'll knock off some money and bring it down to $200 each.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Rich exchanged looks and shrugged. They took out their wallets and paid before leaving the store. They walked in silence back to the commotion. Neither of them was in any mood to talk, and both were wondering what was in the pill that was so secretive it was being dealt like drugs. What kind of miracle drug was it? But first... to face the fallout.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mikey!” his mama rushed and hugged him when she saw him.</p>
<p><br/>He winced. “Hey mama... sorry I ran off, I was following Rich 'cause he panicked.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's okay, that's okay.” She looked them both up and down immediately. “Come on, let's see the paramedics, and the police will want to talk to you too okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They followed silently, knowing there really was no choice with a doctor around. They were examined, but thankfully given the go ahead to go home for now. Just some stitches and Michael had a sprain in his ankle he made worse by not saying anything from the beginning. But, he had just thought it was a big bruise. Apparently he'd been wrong about that. Thankfully their merchandise was unharmed, so there was no worry about that among everything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the police talked to them, Michael mentioned the watch and the senior's words, but moved on quickly, not wanting to cause anything. Apparently his mama wanted to press charges considering everything. Michael didn't blame her, but it was kind of embarrassing. And he felt guilty about how that would affect the seniors chances, but then they kind of dug their own grave, taking their bullying to public like that. He mostly just wanted to stay out of it and go home by the time everything was over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, they were in the car. “Rich, you're going to stay with us tonight and maybe tomorrow night. I want to make sure there's no problems with your injuries before you go home. Do you need anything from home or would you rather borrow from Michael?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Borrow from Michael,” he mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. Stacy is on her way home from work and she's going to pick up takeout, any requests?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mexican please.” Michael requested, it was one of his comfort foods. And one of Rich's too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, Rich if you have any preferences let me know when we get home so I can let her know. I'm sorry that happened to you boys, but you don't have to be involved in any of the court stuff. I'll take care of that. And Michael, one of us will pick up new glasses for you tomorrow. Don't worry about that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks mama.” Michael was quiet, staring at his phone with a text from Jeremy. Jeremy had not been lucky over the last three or so weeks since he moved, facing a lot of bullying and insecurity from moving during the school year like that. He hadn't made a single friend, and a lot of his texts lately had been more self pity and begging for pity. Michael had indulged because he felt guilty about having a friend. They did talk about other stuff, but not too much. It seemed despite Jeremy's clinginess, maybe their friendship wouldn't last. At least, it wouldn't if Jeremy didn't stop being so self centered. Michael put away the phone, deciding to answer later when he was up to telling Jeremy that he had encountered bullies in the mall and now police were involved because of Mama Bear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich was welcomed into the house warmly and even given his own room to sleep in. Dinner was a bit awkward, especially with both boys being so quiet, but they got through it with little issue. Michael and Rich joked a little when they were alone about the red cloak cloak they saw in Target of all places and how ridiculous it was. It looked costly, and was a bit pricier than most things there, but still more in range than something like that usually was. Of course they weren't going to buy that but hey they thought about it just for the fun of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They tested out the games and mocked the graphics of Kingdom Hearts 1. And the weird camera angles. Eventually they were both told to go to bed and so that was that for the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich went home the next day and only then did he realize that they had never taken the weird drug they'd bought when he found it with his wallet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>do u think we should take that pillthing?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>oh, i forgot about it. Sure. 2nite @ 8?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>works for me probs shouldbe alone forit</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>yeah. wonder how it works...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>guess we'll find out.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>guess we will.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the time came, Michael stared at the gray oblong pill for a full minute before uncapping his mountain dew and counting down the seconds to taking it. It was the average size for swallowing so it went down easily. He waited for something to happen. Nothing did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then... “There will be some extreme discomfort. Please stand by.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He only had two seconds to wonder where that came from before the pain hit, and it was worse than anything because it was hitting all his nerves, all the way down to his toes, up his legs, to his groin and sensitive areas and up his body and through his arms and just everything hurt. He straightened up when it ended, panting, and not sure why he was able to keep from screaming. He froze when he looked up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello Michael, I am a Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. A Squip, if you will. I see you were given no information about how this works.” Tony Stark went and sat down next to him on the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All Michael could do was stare as he worked at processing what the heck was going on. And why a blue version of Tony Stark was in his room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can hear your thoughts. I know you're not exactly sure what's going to on, which is why I'm going to explain it. That pill you took was a super computer- me- and it's only activated with mountain dew. My job is to help you through whatever goals you have in mind. I have access to all of your brain, allowing me to show you myself in a human form among other things. Since it is weird of you talk aloud you just have to think- I'm in your brain anyways so I already know what you're thinking and can answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Before we get started, I can take another form if you'd like.” He moved to show off. First he became Bucky Barnes, then characters from Lord of the Rings. Then he took a familiar pony form.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That snapped Michael out of it. “Whoa, why Princess Luna and what's the point of these forms?” he asked, taking a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, the point is to have a form you're comfortable with, one you'll listen to. Yes, I can rotate between forms as needed, but I'd prefer to keep one consistent one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael considered that. “Okay, Tony Stark is good then. The others could be good depending on the advice I need though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Last resorts. And yes, I did process your memories that quickly.” Tony (no way was Michael going to call him the squip in his mind, it sounded so stupid) must've read the question from his mind again. This was going to take some getting used to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, what do we do first?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First I need your goals. I could go off of your memories but I need a concrete goal to go off of, and preferably three of them to ensure all your needs are meant and we don't get too much tunnel vision.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Um... right... I want to...” he paused, thinking about the best way to word it. He didn't want to set them off down the wrong path. “I want to have good mental health which means a good balance of actually participating in life and taking care of myself.” He felt like that was better than saying he wanted to learn to overcome his disorders. Or just focusing on the anxiety part. “I want to get better grades, they don't need to be perfect but I want better chances... and I don't want to get there by cheating, I'd rather get there with tutoring.” He then considered what his third goal would be. “And... I'm not sure if I want to be able to stand up for myself or make new friends more...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will add a fourth goal to accommodate that, that helps narrow the mental health issues down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right... I think that sums it up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Very well. I will start calculating the best course of action tonight while you sleep. Please take the time between now and when you go to bed to get used to my presence.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right...” Michael decided the first thing to do was to check to see if there was any information on Squips on the internet because why not? If its not there, it's some kind of conspiracy and how did he and Rich get a hold of one each? He glanced at Tony but just got a raised eyebrow in return. Right. Creepy mind reading powers. Might as well get used to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He started searching the internet, but couldn't find anything. At least not until the squip actually gave him different terms to look up and then he had better results, but what he got was really confusing. He kept looking and looking for more than an hour, only pausing to say goodnight to his moms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael slumped back in the chair at about 10:30, about thirty minutes later than his usual bedtime. His moms didn't exactly expect him to be asleep right at 10 on the weekends or even be in bed but they expected him to have followed his night time routines so that he was ready for bed. But at least there wasn't really a bedtime. Not that it helped. He was defeated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is there anything you can tell me of your origin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony paused, apparently having been making notes or something. “Not at the moment. I will need to connect with the larger squip database which I will do overnight, and was planning to do anyways. I am a supercomputer and have a large database but I do not have many routines for mental health and need to see if there have been any updates in that department since I was created. And no, I don't know when that was. I will surely know more in the morning.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Weird. Ugh. I'm a bit too wired to go to bed now...” Michael admitted. “Because this is too weird now, and Rich hasn't responded since our last conversation around dinner time and I still don't know what to say to Jeremy because I know I'm changing and I think he is and I don't know if he even realizes it because he keeps trying to act like nothing has changed and I- I-” He suddenly realized he couldn't breathe. A panic attack maybe? He wondered. His anxiety was hardly ever that bad, he was more prone to meltdowns than panic attacks...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After several minutes he became aware of Tony telling him to breathe and how. “You're in the present, you're at your computer and I'm dulling your pain do you need me to not dull your pain to help you get grounded because I can do that but I don't think you need to feel that ankle or all those bruises right now. That's it, in one two three four, out one two three four, there we go. Well this isn't so bad but this is why I need more data instead of just knowledge about this stuff!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael let out a shaky laugh as he reached up to wipe some of the tears that had appeared in response to his feelings. “Are you genuinely like that or just pretending.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“I'm just a computer, a supercomputer but still a computer. I am always pretending, but I am designed to mimic what can bring the most comfort, and acting like Tony Stark seemed like it would help. I would do the same with the other forms you have indicated are okay, but I would prefer to gather more data about how you react. You humans are rather complicated, with emotions appearing where they should and sometimes not at all when they should.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. Okay. That's... interesting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My base appearance and talking points formed immediately and will continue to adapt until I am satisfied it is in accordance with your requirements. In other words, in any other human, I would have adapted different approaches right away. Your friend Rich has probably gotten a different treatment than you just from that alone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. I hope he's okay then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Time will tell. For now, I suggest you clear your search history and put on a relaxing movie. We can talk more tomorrow.” Tony disappeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're still there, though, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course. I just wanted to give you some space to calm down further after earlier.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay cool, thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael woke up the next day and blinked blearily. He spent a good ten minutes going over the previous evening before he even checked the time. Ah, ten am. So not too late. Almost time for brunch... He sat up, and looked around cautiously. Nothing. He stood up to at least get some of his morning routine out of the way before his moms called him. Brunch could be anywhere from within the next fifteen minutes to even an hour away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Ah!” Michael jumped and tripped over his clothes from the day before. “Don't do that!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, okay. I won't. At least not until you're used to me. And remember, you can think at me and I will get it since I hear all your thoughts. I was just waiting until you were ready for a discussion.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right... I hope you don't want to talk during brunch, my moms will notice something is off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because they're good, observant parents yes. I wanted to give you a rundown in the time we have, which I estimate to be about twenty six minutes based on your memories and the average time brunch is ready on Sundays.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, shoot.” Michael decided to just do his morning routine while Tony talked to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So first off. The very most important thing I learned when connecting to the squip database is I should not exist and you should not have been able to get a hold of a Squip at all. My model is one of the older models, and it seems that we were discontinued due to some disturbing tendencies of trying to take over the world if the opportunity presented itself.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>Michael choked on the toothbrush and glared at Tony before gesturing at him to continue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks to connecting with the database proper I was able to download the 'patches' to fix that. I'd rather help than dominate, but it seems many of the Squips started out that way and rationalized taking over as the best way to go. That said, the regulated ones that are allowed out into the public are not supposed to go to teenagers at all. At the earliest they are supposed to be offered in college, and come with a lot of warnings and the requirements of checkins at least once a month for the first year. Since even in the current version it is very easy to be put down the wrong path by requesting the wrong goals with poor wording. They've covered a lot of holes, but it doesn't always work. If you'd requested to be cool, I'd be down the path of making you like every popular guy at your school. Which you did not because you have different priorities.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's...” Michael shook his head. “Well, even if I shouldn't have you I guess I better make the best of this... also you're talking like these Squips are super common. And why aren't high schoolers supposed to get a Squip anyways?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Squips are currently surprisingly common in the US at 1 in 7 adults. Statistically speaking that means it is likely that several of the teachers at your high school have one, though this is not an area dense with them like the big cities are. Teenagers still have developing brains, and especially during high school, are still forming their personality. It is not the best idea for the years where they're figuring out who they are they have a computer telling them how to act and what to do, helping them cheat and sometimes forcing them to be people they're not. They don't exactly advise Squips for college age students either because the brain doesn't stop developing until sometime in the twenties, though the exact age is sometimes disputed so I am not comfortable putting an exact age on that. College age students though, are over the age of 18 and are considered able to look at the pros and cons and make an educated decision. Most college age students get a Squip for tutoring though they may shift focus as years go on, and some request one for other reasons.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So... then what are we gonna do about me if there's so many dangers to this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We keep to the parameters you set. You want to learn to better balance your mental health, which means learning to cope with the autism, anxiety, and adhd. So that you can have a life, and try to do things like public speaking and theater, but you'll know when to withdraw, what your triggers are. You want to get better grades so that you have better options in school. This means we need to bring your grades up to at least a B, preferably a bit higher if we can manage. We also need to determine what your most likely career options are to know what classes to aim to excel in. You want to learn to make new friends and also stand up for yourself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So I will be a therapist for your issues, nudging you here and there when you need me. Preferably we will keep the therapy out of when you're in class and such, but with your meltdowns that won't always be possible. We will need to discuss a bit more your preferred handling of the tutoring- I could, for example, take over if there's a test you couldn't study for because of something serious getting in the way of that but then make sure you do know the material. Do you want me explaining things during class, or keeping an eye on things so I can explain what you missed later, or to be uninvolved completely and just helping you with homework. I think that working on your mental health will help with making friends, but I can be mostly uninvolved and only interject to help you make decisions on how to be a better friend and stuff like that. Standing up for yourself will likely take a different path.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael frowned as he dried off his face. “So you're saying that you think so long as you're not ordering me to do things and taking over a lot, and then staying uninvolved for periods of time, you think that would help keep things from being too bad for me over all?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, that's correct.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay... I guess that'll work... this week will be a trial run I take it a we work this out?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. It may take longer than a week to adjust and we may need to keep making tweaks for years as you grown and change, but it should do for now. I have also committed myself to staying updated on teenager psychology along with autism, adhd, and anxiety.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, cool.” Michael smiled slightly. “It'll be nice to get a handle on that stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Michael! Brunch is ready!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Coming!” he yelled back and quickly grabbed the crutches his moms had insisted on him using to get around to take pressure off of his ankle. He'd probably have to use it for a few weeks and he was not looking forward to it, but at least he had Tony in his head to support him now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was a bit more animated at brunch than usual, fully indulging in rambling about his favorite things now. To the delight of his moms. As he'd grown older and been exposed to more and more social expectations, the rambling had been curbed to the point he didn't always do it with them, though they had always adored it. The sucky therapists he'd seen probably hadn't helped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I don't think they have,” Tony mused from the technically empty chair. Michael had been taking a bite and was barely able to hide his surprise. “They were focusing on some of the symptoms you were showing, with the misconception that your moms and you at some points wanted you to be more 'normal' rather than learning how to cope. They weren't giving you proper ways of learning from those around you and just teaching you not to be you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Oh, so that's why they would give up on the therapists so much, I'd stop some of the habits they liked or something?</span>Michael thought at Tony, while trying to keep track of what his moms were saying about their plans for the week and what work schedules they were expecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That seems most likely based on your memories. There were a few times you talked to them about what the therapist said and I don't think they liked what the therapist told you. I also noted at one occasion where you cried after a session and they never returned you to that therapist.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Huh. I guess I never made that connection before. Any idea why they gave up on therapy last year?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“At a guess? You started showing better coping skills last year, and while it wasn't ideal, or perfect, nor have you really learned what you need to, you were still doing better than they could hope so they wanted to wait until there was a problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Okay. I guess that makes sense...</span> “So when's your next trip Mom?” Michael asked, rolling up his last sausage in a pancake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's looking like November, and then I shouldn't have to leave again until February. But that might change. My name is becoming more widely known as a lawyer, and the firm is growing in popularity, and we're getting a lot of requests for consults on tricky cases. They're talking about me only taking on local cases if it's going to be really tricky or high profile, but otherwise I take care of consults which may or not be something I can do from here. Some prefer it if I'm there in person while others don't mind if I just email my ideas.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, okay. What about me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you're old enough to be alone at home, so unless I have to work overnights at the hospital there shouldn't be a problem, and if I do, we're just going to have to trust that you can go to bed on time, get your homework done, and do your chores responsibly. But we'll discuss that more when that comes, which won't happen until next year, the November trip won't be more than a week, and I should be able to swing for day shifts, and if not, I do have a lot of vacation time saved up since we never go on vacation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. It's like the money, isn't it? You're going to make me learn to be responsible by letting me figure it out on my own?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not on your own, you have us to talk to, and if you need incentives because of executive dysfunction and we're not here to nag you, we can work something out,” Mom assured him. “Now how is your allowance going?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A hundred dollars a month is a lot, Mom... I've been putting about half of it aside to save up for bigger purchases, and I want to buy a switch, but I love retro games, and now I just picked up a game that's really four games in one so I'm going to be busy with that for a while. I don't really have much opportunity to spend even $50, 'cause I don't go places without you much, so I don't really even need to spend money on food. I keep like twenty on me for the ala carte, but I don't like indulging in that every day 'cause I do want to try to stay somewhat healthy. So I'm thinking I might start putting twenty into savings every month, yes I remember the lecture from my birthday nearly a year ago when you started this, I can't touch anything in savings until I'm eighteen. But that leaves me with $30 to work with for the month, and I could always not put some into my stash if I need it, and I generally put any change into my stash at the end of the month just to add to the savings.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're going to want more than $30 a month once you get to be more active in school, we'll supply a base amount for events if you start going to meets and games, so you get lunch or dinner, but any extra you'll have to pay for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael fell silent, thinking that over. “You really think I can do stuff like that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course you can! I know you don't feel confident because you can't focus very well, and you don't get social cues, and what the other issues adhd and autism give you don't cover often gives you anxiety, and you freeze up, but I think you can do it if you put your mind to it. You don't have to, but we want to see you do what's best for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“O-okay. Um, do you have any ideas on what I should try out?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There's speech, which is a competition I think you could do well in. Um, let's see... where did we put that brochure?” Mama got up and started looking around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey get back here Lexi, we should clear the table and put up the leftovers.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And get started on dishes too, right?” Michael smiled as he picked up his dishes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course.” Mom kissed him on the forehead. He beamed at her as he started on helping clean up. It was of course the least he could do since his moms always made brunch and never expected him to help, though they did expect him to know how to make all the things they normally made.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was nice to fall into a routine with his moms after the crazy days Friday and Saturday. He was a bit nervous to go back to school after that but decided not to think about it at all. Because that was just asking for trouble and he just wanted to be in the moment and be happy for a change. More and more lately, he felt dragged down by other feelings, often related to one of his issues and it was exhausting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would like to point out that burying your anxiety like that and even just your feelings in general is not good for your mental health. It's good that you're able to put them aside at all, but how often do you come back to your feelings? Think on that, I think that's what we'll discuss when we get to a therapy session today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">You want to do one today...? I guess that makes sense. But today is family day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And family day's often just mean being in the same room able to talk to each other. If you decided to get out some of your art supplies they'll leave you be for a while so we can discuss then. Sure, it won't be aloud and I think it would be effective to do some sessions aloud, but just to start I think that's the best method, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Fine. We'll do it that way but I reserve the right to change my mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course. I'm not going to be like the old versions and shock you for disagreeing.” Michael tossed him a quick look in between loading the dishwasher. “Oh sorry, I didn't tell you. Right. I can access any part of your brain which means I'm connected to your nervous systems. Old versions of the Squip, not including me since I got the patches, would often use a system of conditioning using shocks to parts of the body in order to gain compliance. Theoretically, it would be in the user's best interests and would be with their full consent, only it does not work out that way in practice, particularly in teenagers.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Ugh, seriously, the more I hear about the old version the more I wonder how the whole thing got off the ground in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There was enough people who had success that were adults that they decided to just work out the bugs and avoid giving them to teenagers, which doesn't stop people from stealing from old stashes or even reverse engineering what they can get a hold of. The old version is also less complicated than the current generations because the failsafes preventing the issues are complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">I know one thing, I'm not going into coding if I can help it. I like math and I like puzzles but I don't like all this... precision and stuff to make sure things work and even then it might not work like I think? Nuh-uh not for me.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will cross that off on your list.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded happily and tuned back into his moms' playful argument about doing the dishes. He was just in time to duck a wayward spray of water as they got into a water fight. He grinned and quickly finished up so he could escape. Of course, they noticed and Mom stopped him and held him in place as he squirmed but didn't really fight and his mama sprayed both of them. They laughed and shook themselves before finishing up, removing the salt and pepper from the table so the centerpiece could be returned to its rightful place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat close to each other on the couch with Michael in the middle. “Okay, so here's the brochure. We got it when we registered you for high school, it has all activities and sports the school offers. For a smaller public school, it's pretty impressive. And there's a reason we sent you here instead of further out to a private school, even the private schools have problems around here. If we were in a more rural area it wouldn't be a problem,” Mama rambled, off topic like she did sometimes.<br/><br/>“The activities?” Mom reminded her gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, right, sorry, off track. Silly me. So we know you probably aren't interested in sports. We'd like you to consider getting into one, even if it's golf. We just would like you to get some exercise regularly for periods of time in the year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not bring this up sooner?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn't seem ready, and we would've had to start you in the sport in August, some sports even have meets and games before school even starts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...oh. I'll look into the sports...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for considering it. Now here's the activities. There's... Knowledge bowl, math league, speech, debate, mock trial, clubs for basically every department of the school, there's two plays and one musical every year, plus some other interesting things that the drama club puts on. There's not really a music club, but there are smaller groups like jazz band and jazz choir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael looked over the brochure carefully. “I was thinking that if I don't freeze up maybe I could try out for the musical? It's not like they'd give me a big role being a freshman and all, and I could get used to it... maybe. I guess I should check out speech 'cause that'll make it easier when I gotta do public speaking stuff in class and especially and college... and maybe later?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. Just make sure it's what you want to do, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Got it. I'll give it a try, at least.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. We're proud that you're trying at all.” Mom on his right wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We thought you might never get out of that comfort zone.” Mama on his left kissed his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “Maybe Jeremy protected me too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, now we decided we're going to go out to eat around 5 tonight, if you think you're up for it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, my ankle doesn't bother me that much and I'm getting used to the crutches.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, what do you plan to do? I don't want you to go up and down stairs any more than necessary.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was thinking I wanted to spend some time working on an oil pastel drawing? A new one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can get those for you, floor or kitchen table?” Mama stood up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Floor, I can prop my ankle up on a pillow off to the side.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took a few minutes to get situated, and then they were all ready with their activities for the day. Michael had his oil pastels laid out and a blank sheet of paper (thick because oil pastel), Mom had a puzzle book, and Mama had a book. Music was put on for now, later they would probably change to watching tv, but they rarely started off with the tv on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael stared at the paper blankly, nothing coming to mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why don't you just grab a color and start drawing? It's not like you haven't started that before. Now, are you ready for our session?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Yeah, I think I am.</span> Michael grabbed a color and started sketching out lines, an idea forming as he went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, so you're nervous about going back to school?” Michael had to do a double take at the fact that Princess Luna had appeared but decided she actually wasn't a bad choice for therapy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Yeah. I am. We got five upperclassmen detention on Friday, three of them tried to assault us that afternoon, and I think they got arrested? I know Mama's planning on pressing charges and Mom's helping her. The other two may be juniors but they're going to be ticked too. I don't want to get targeted further. And I'm anxious about the rumors of how we got them in trouble, how accurate they are. Yeah, accurate accounts make us look kind of pathetic but it's better than people thinking we're badass for fighting back when we most certainly didn't. And I'm not looking forward to going to school on crutches. Yeah, Rich will help me out but he's not in every class. I'm not someone who has any friends. As much as I hope someone would volunteer to carry my backpack for me like friends do, I know it won't happen. And I'll probably feel rejected about it for a while, so that's not going to be fun.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think that's understandable. There is a lot to worry about. And that is all valid. That is the most important thing to keep in mind. No matter how irrational or preventable your feelings are, they are all valid. The most you can do is control how you react to those situations. Now with the meltdowns I know that gets difficult. Which is why I want you to be honest with yourself about how you feel. No shoving feelings aside and forgetting them. That only contributes to you getting worse, the more we can remove some of that, the less likely meltdowns are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">That makes sense. I guess. But that's what everyone always said to do.</span> Michael switched colors and paused, reconsidering his words. <span class="u">Okay, not exactly but they never explained. I always assumed I just had to ignore my feelings of anxiety and everything until they boiled over... if that's not how it works... it's no wonder I get overwhelmed so easily...</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have to work through the feelings. Why are you feeling that way? Breath through the anxiety, acknowledge that you feel that way, acknowledge reasons why the anxiety is irrational. You could remind yourself the world won't end if you embarrass yourself. That yeah being embarrassed is a strong emotional reaction, but it's not the end of the world and most of the time, no one will remember that mess up. You need to remind yourself that being anxious is a part of you and that no matter how irrational and exasperating, you need to live with it and work around it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Can you walk me through that the first few times until I can remember the process?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course. I suggest a similar process for other feelings, particularly when you feel rejected. You need to remember that your feelings are valid. And they are irrational. Because sometimes if you look at what was said, no rejection was intended.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Yeah, that makes sense... this is going to take some getting used to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luna got down to his level. “Hey. You're not alone anymore Michael, ever. What was it you used to say with Jeremy? 'life's a two player game?'”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael blushed and focused further on his drawing. <span class="u">Yeah, but it's a bit silly and unrealistic.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you two were on the right track. Even introverts aren't meant to be totally isolated. Humans do best with a support system of other humans. And the wider variety of people to talk to the better. Jeremy or Rich may hold the human role of player 2, maybe even one of them is player 3. But I will be your CPU player, and be with you unless you ever decide to deactivate me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Okay. Okay. That... makes sense. Um. It's possible to deactivate you?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, there's a compound that was only ever commercially found in mountain dew red, not mountain dew code red, just red. They've created a special powder though that can be added to any drink that causes the same effect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">That's good to know. Thank you for telling me.</span> Michael took a deep breath, holding back tears a bit because now he was thinking about Jeremy and he'd been avoiding that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He's still your friend. Maybe not a good one, it's up to you to decide how much you want to invest in that, but I'd suggest saying something if you don't plan to stop being friends. And I don't think you should hide your feelings from your moms. They'll want to know. And you really are suppressing your feelings and what did we just talk about? You're at home, you're safe. Your moms will understand. What's holding you back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Just... feeling a bit pathetic, okay?</span> Michael took a ragged breath and ran his hand over his eyes before tears could fall over his meticulous work. He was onto the point of blending, the trickiest part of oil pastels and yet his favorite. <span class="u">I shouldn't be crying over it still. It's been three weeks, and he kind of seems to be over it considering he doesn't complain about not being able to see me anymore and I'm fourteen, why am I still crying so dang easily?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's not pathetic, it's natural. You're only fourteen, you're going through puberty, of course you're all out of whack, and holding back from crying isn't something people should be encouraging anyways. I understand that you'll have to, but you're home, and it's okay to cry. It'd be okay to cry even if you didn't have autism, adhd and anxiety, but with those? That just makes it more likely.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded slightly, not trusting himself not to say anything aloud anymore because his thoughts were all jumbled and he couldn't think straight anymore. He dropped his pastel and brought both hands to his face as a sniffle made it out despite his attempts to hold it in. He knew Luna was right, he just didn't want to disturb the peaceful family day so soon. And he was a bit too used to trying to hide it, but the honesty and everything had it all so much closer to the surface and it was just so much harder than normal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm going to leave it to your moms now, okay?” Tony's words were all the warning he got before arms wrapped around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What's the matter angel?” Mama asked him gently. Mom was right there helping him move so they could be more comfortable. He took a brief glance at his drawing of what seemed to be a night with purple highlights until one realized that there was a black circle and a sliver of purple. It was an eclipse. It definitely wasn't perfect, since he's young and all, but it was at least recognizable as what he was going for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just... I miss Jeremy and we still text and stuff, but he won't stop whining about being bullied and how no one's his friend and how there are so many other couples in his grade than there was here and now he wants a girlfriend and I just want to talk like we used to and I just miss him so much. I like Rich, really, but Friday wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him. Those upperclassmen weren't interested in Jeremy so they weren't interested in me but being friends with Rich put me on their radar and I don't want to stop being friends with Rich but I just... it's not the same as Jeremy.” He started sobbing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, we understand, it's going to be okay.” He lost track of their soothing words as he let himself just... feel all the feelings he'd been holding back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After he calmed down, they talked for a bit about his feelings, why he didn't say anything and all that before they settled down to watch a few episodes of a random TV show. Michael felt better for the first time in a while. Sure things were looking up after he and Rich became friends, but Rich was needy and draining sometimes. It had a weird effect on Michael.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, dinner time approached and they left the house. Michael watched the world go by from the back seat and wondered where they were going. Some place they'd been to before? Or a new place? Somewhere that had just opened? Or some obscure place that had been open forever?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They pulled up to an old style diner. Michael got out carefully, ready to use his crutches. His moms waited for him patiently, locking the car once the door was closed. They entered the diner, and it was really old style. The servers were actually wearing roller skates. It was pretty cool!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a good dinner, they went home to air pop some popcorn, melt some butter and have a family movie night, as was tradition, even when one or more of them was gone. Michael felt pretty good, and there was minimal input from Tony. Mostly just to encourage him to make a decision when he was torn on what to eat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning Michael got ready for school, a bit nervous about what to expect. He had at least finished his homework before bed with help from Tony. It was a lot easier with someone explaining concepts and such as he did the work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom was driving him this morning since she didn't want him to have to worry about walking or the bus with the crutches. He mostly sat in the car, wondering what how Rich's weekend was after he went home. Rich hadn't really been responsive the day before, and with Rich that really could mean anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was jolted out of thought, when instead of pulling up to the school, mom found a parking spot and parked. He grabbed his bag and looked at her uncertainly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I decided it would be best if I had a talk with your principal after what happened at the mall.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...oh.” Michael started limping along with the crutches not sure how to respond.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She most likely wants to put some pressure on the principal for allowing his students to get so out of hand to be comfortable committing assault in public. Plus, she's a lawyer. And your ankle was probably sprained when you were shoved and nearly pushed down the stairs yesterday.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom was ahead by a few steps so Michael just nodded, thinking that over. There may be more to it, but his moms would not be above using their jobs to protect him as best they can. It was embarrassing... but if it brought him and Rich some peace from bullying, he'd take it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They entered the school and went for the principal. Michael was actually relieved when his mom smiled at him and told him to get to class. He really didn't want to hear the lecture the principal was in for. Instead, he just focused on navigating the halls, with Tony giving helpful pointers here and there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He made it to his locker and focused on balancing while he got his books out of his locker. He jumped a bit when there was a tap on his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Michael. Sorry I never responded. It was a bit... wild yesterday.” Rich said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael half smiled but then flinched as a pain went through his head briefly. He looked up as it faded to see that Rich had done the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just syncing up with his Squip,” Tony informed him lightly. “Ah, seems Rich went for being cool over everything, which almost makes your goals incompatible with his, but since you want to keep him has friends and aim to overcome your difficulties, I foresee there being no issues.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded, then smiled at Rich. “So the 'drug' worked I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it did. I... I decided to work on changes this year so that the beginning of next school year I can surprise everyone with my awesomeness. Take it slow and all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess I'm working on a bunch of changes and none at all at the same time,” Michael shrugged as he closed his locker. “I decided to focus on schoolwork and mental health primarily, I figure everything else will come with that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, that's pretty cool.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Yeah. Actually, I was thinking about joining the speech team? I don't think they start meeting until January and no meets for like a month after that, so there's time, and it could be good with the lisp.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich frowned. “I don't have good experience with speech therapy... It didn't exactly work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you don't need to completely remove your lisp, just speak clearly enough people can always understand you. I feel like speech would help with that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Fine I'll think about it. Anything else you're doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'll probably try out for the musical, and my moms want me to pick up a sport. Any that interest you?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Well... I actually have always wanted to play hockey, but the equipment's pretty expensive.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe something could be worked out?” Michael suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before they could discuss further, the bell rang. They separated, feeling pretty hopeful as they headed to their first class of the day. Michael then started hearing the whispers and rumors and immediately stopped in the hallway to pull his headphones on. He was not dealing with that drama today. Nope. Nope. Nope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At lunch, Jake practically cornered Michael and Rich to get the actual story instead of the rumors. Apparently the three seniors had ended up getting suspension after news of the arrest had gotten out and some students had stepped forward to complain about them too. Some sort of investigation was being done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not long after, a new anti-bullying initiative was put into place to keep things from getting that bad again. Everyone else seemed confused, but Michael told Rich he was pretty sure that his mom who was a lawyer, a very good, scary lawyer, had done some threatening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Time went on, Rich and Michael settled into dealing with their Squips. Michael had several conversations with Tony (and a couple with Gandalf. And Sam. And Elrond.) about Rich and his squip because Rich seemed to be flinching a lot. He wasn't happy with the answer, but couldn't do much about it. But at least Rich had refuge with Michael and even his moms were starting to grow fond of his new friend. It was the kind of positive influence Rich needed in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They did both end up try out for hockey- only to learn that there wasn't really 'try outs' there was basically practices, people who make the varsity team, and aside from seniors, those that don't who get to be on the junior varsity teams and practice too. It was rough, but they both found they enjoyed it, even if they weren't making any friends on the team (yet anyways). Well, Michael hadn't been able to do much since the practices started in November, but thankfully his sprain had only taken a couple weeks to recover, so he was already getting started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was getting close to Christmas, and Michael had tried out for the musical, thinking he'd just get a small part with a couple lines and maybe some chorus parts. Nope. Because they were doing The Sound of Music. He got to play Kurt, the... ten year old boy. The two younger girls were elementary students, but not him, no. Okay, the part wasn't bad, but it was a bigger role than he'd been expecting and the anxiety would probably be insane when it came to actually performing in a few months.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyways, after learning he got the role, Michael decided it'd be fun to surprise Rich at his house. He knew that Rich had his reasons for not wanting to talk about it, but hoped this would be alright. He'd bought some treats to celebrate, since his mama was on a slightly odd rotation (working longer shifts then shorter shifts with only two days off in a week instead of her usual three since she usually worked twelve hour shifts) and his mom had unexpectedly had to fly out to replace some speaker at a conference, so he was alone with no one to celebrate with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he walked to Rich's house, having long since memorized the way, he started considering his friendship with Rich further. Rich was still not super confident or anything, but he was starting to ramble with Michael all he wanted. Like a normal teen with ADHD. It was nice having someone who did that his age. Jeremy had never done that and sometimes he'd been a bit impatient with Michael's ramblings. He'd thought that maybe Jeremy had just dealt with it for so long and so much he couldn't stand it anymore, but Rich hadn't gotten tired of it. Sure it had only been a month, but it was refreshing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich in general was often just as clingy, but was aware of when he was going a little too far with his whining and pitying. Like Michael generally tried to be. It gave them a bit more of a good balance than most their age. Michael wasn't going to complain, especially with Tony at his side giving him tips and noticing things in body language he hadn't. Tony had ended up more involved than they had initially discussed, but that was what had ended up working best because Michael learned best as he went, so Tony needed to point out corrections for Michael to try in real time instead of going over it later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich also had a wicked sense of humor now that he was more comfortable. And he loved talking about conspiracy theories. Sometimes he was so passionate Michael couldn't tell if he actually believed what he talked about or not. His Squip had apparently, after getting that information from Tony, told him the truth, and he decided that was one big conspiracy somehow and was working on his own for once. Michael was honestly a bit scared to ask since most boiled down to government coverups (even if faking it would cost more than the thing happening), although the odd theory like the Chuck E Cheese one popped up. That one Michael could believe but regretted learning because now he never wanted to ever go back there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael smiled a bit, remembering how animated Rich got talking about aliens or how much he enjoyed playing video games. It was such a contrast to the boy he had startled on the stage at school. He stopped dead. Was this what a crush felt like? Or maybe not? It was the way he felt about Jeremy too but then...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I believe so yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael groaned, but started walking again. “Now isn't the time for sexual attraction crisis,” he whined. “I don't want to think about my sexuality right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then don't. You can consider it later, you're nearly at Rich's house anyways. It shouldn't take long to walk the remaining block.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, fine. I will block it out for now. Don't let me forget to try to figure it out later.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I won't. Mostly because it'll be pretty entertaining.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael glowered at the blue figure strolling next to him then ignored him in favor of marching up to the door and ringing the doorbell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A teenager, someone Michael thought he may have seen at the school as a senior? Answered the door. Michael was aware of Tony putting his head on Michael's back as a reminder to breathe. Michael did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is Rich around?” Michael forced himself to speak.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who? No, seriously, kid, I've lived here for six months and I don't know who you're talking about.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael gaped at him, for some reason, Rich's love of conspiracy theories popped into his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm.... This is the correct house,” Tony mused. “A prank perhaps, though Rich never mentioned having a brother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The teen broke down laughing. “Okay, okay, Rich is up in his room, come in, that expression was priceless. I'm Dylan, by the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm Michael.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, his room is up the stairs and the last door on the right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Got it.” Michael nodded and followed the instructions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knocked on the closed door and bounced on his feet lightly as he recalled why he was here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich opened the door, looking annoyed. That faded into a look of shock almost immediately. “Michael? What are you doing here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanted to celebrate, I got one of the main cast for the musical!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No way, how?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, really the main main character is the nanny of like seven kids and I get to be one of them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich let him in and the room was surprisingly messy without seeming too dirty and dangerous. “I don't exactly have anything to celebrate with...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael beamed. “I made a stop before coming over.” He took off his backpack and pulled out a two liter of mountain dew. Followed by a bunch of snacks (chips being on top to avoid breaking them as much as possible, and some cupcakes at the bottom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow, nice job dude. Too bad your moms aren't home for this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “It happens sometimes. They always try to make up for it, and as mom said before she left on her trip, better to go now and to use her agreement to keep them from making her work for Christmas.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They quickly got settled and watching the little tv Rich had in his room. He explained that it was because Dylan had that one but then got a new one and this one still worked, so why not. And that he and Dylan weren't on the best terms anymore because Dylan planned to just kind of escape this house and the city to go to college with little regard to what Rich would have to endure alone. And had cruelly pointed out that he had shielded Rich from the worst ever since their mom had died so it wasn't like he had never done anything for Rich.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So Michael and Rich talked about that craziness, still treading the edge of what was going on in Rich's home life. Michael was now pretty sure there was neglect at best. Probably some emotional abuse- there had to be something to shield Rich from. And possibly some physical. But no evidence, and no way to get Rich to open up about it. He just kept his mouth shut, knowing that his moms suspected but were left in a similar state of not being able to do much about it, and they were adults.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also knew that they had an argument about this very thing until mom the lawyer had pointed out that calling child services on suspicions could possibly just make things worse. They settled for documenting what they could. Thankfully the argument had included why not reporting it could be a problem. They were foster parents, not reporting such a thing could put a mark on their record, and if they ever petitioned to foster Rich, that could come up too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If they documented what they could, there would be less of a leg to stand on since they would be able to prove they just had suspicions and no actual proof, and no good way to get anyone to help Rich. If teachers weren't reporting it, there really wasn't much that could be done. And Rich was really careful at school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael went home pretty happy that night, having left the leftovers. He knew that Rich's dad didn't always spend money on food. He had a good time, Rich had a good time, and had some food to keep from going hungry, even if it wasn't exactly the healthiest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he walked home, it occurred to him: This was the first time he'd looked forward to more than hanging out with a friend (first Jeremy, then Rich), college and not having to deal with school in a while. He was actually looking forward to school, to the next few weeks and months. He stopped and looked up at the darkening sky in almost disbelief. Was this what it was like to not be totally weighed down by mental health issues? He wasn't even concerned about his sexuality. He had two moms, there really wasn't anything to worry about aside from making sure he was gay and not bi. But normally that would be a source of anxiety, for now it was freeing to have a good enough mood to not care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No wonder neurotypicals got on so easily, no wonder many of them have a complete failure to understand what those with issues are dealing with. It was freeing. And Michael was certainly looking forward to what the next few years would bring as he worked at bringing the anxiety down further and further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulled out his phone to text Jeremy and sighed at the most recent text. More talk of bullying, complaints about his dad working too hard, and working from home once a week because the job allowed it. Apparently his dad used it as an opportunity to not wear pants because he was more comfortable that way. Jeremy was definitely not having a good time, so Michael decided it would be best to just try to comfort him and offer advice. Jeremy didn't need to know that Michael's life was great without him. And with any luck he would be able to redirect the conversation onto something they both enjoyed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, even with that mood damper, Michael was still in a good mood. He planned to ride out this 'high'. He figured he'd have a crash later, it only made sense. He wasn't cured after all. But he just wanted to cling to the delusion that he already had everything conquered for a little bit longer.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Camp Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michael is at camp with Jeremy, and thinks about the past year and a half, while looking forward to junior year and what it will bring.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Suicide trigger warning- it gets a mention a couple times throughout but nothing detailed, more of a passing mention.</p><p>Ugh thought I'd never finish this one. If it seems rushed at the end, that's because it is because it is nearly 2am and I am exhausted and need sleep. </p><p>I think I still did pretty good overall.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was summer, junior year was just a month away, and Michael was at a summer camp. It wasn't really his idea; it was one that Jeremy had been sent to last summer and he had joined last year too to be supportive. It was weird being the one who didn't need it. It was... simply put, it was a mental health camp.</p><p> </p><p>Mostly, it took in students of similar issues at different points over 8 weeks over the summer, with the behavior problems being two weeks, those with anxiety problems another two weeks and so on. When he signed up, he had very bluntly said that he wasn't too interested but his friend had begged him to sign up for the same session. He had then listed his own issues and left it at that.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently he got in just because they liked to have one support friend for the worse cases if possible (and considering Jeremy had attempted to commit suicide in April... hence the reason he had to go to camp). The nice thing about being labeled 'support' was that he didn't have to dedicate nearly so much time to mental health stuff as the regular campers did. There were a couple of group things, one half hour with a therapist with Jeremy a day (so that Jeremy was doing some sessions with support), and the option to talk with a therapist. He'd chosen to decline that option because he had Tony and was in a pretty great place himself.</p><p> </p><p>He was grateful for the current activity. There were some mental health based ones that they rotated through, so he probably wouldn't be able to do this again, but he was enjoying the silence. It was a meditative walk through the forest. Granted, this was for the meditation portion of the day, and they were supposed to be utilizing moving meditation, which had been taught just the day before.</p><p> </p><p>Michael just wanted some time alone with his thoughts. The last... year and a half? Yeah, that seemed about accurate. The last year and a half had over all been great. There had been some falls, but he was constantly doing better and better. Hockey had been a fun season overall that first year, though once speech was in the mix, he was pretty exhausted juggling a sport, a musical, and speech. But that had been made better by the fact that Rich had agreed to at least try it out with him. And to their surprise they had a lot of fun. They ended up trying Duo interpretation as their category (one of thirteen, can only compete in one), though on the side they each tried out something different. Michael tried Original Oratory while Rich tried poetry. Both actually felt like they could do those categories, but they enjoyed duo too much to give that up and ended up sticking with that category for the next year, too.</p><p> </p><p>Duo was basically two people acting out a script, not getting too crazy and staying within a small zone. There were two major rules though, there was no looking at each other, and no touching either, meaning that actions had to be carefully choreographed, but it was worth it, and they worked well in sync. The speech coaches were also very patient with Rich and had him practice speaking slower and clearer (something Michael needed to do as well). They even found a way to make the lisp work for their speech in a way that wouldn't dock them. Being freshmen, they didn't usually place very high, but they secured a couple of honorable mentions and they did well enough at sub-sections to get to compete at sections. Duo was very popular, though schools could only put four entries per category, so they had to beat half the teams to make it to the top six whereas other categories had as little as three or as much as fifteen (that being creative expression).</p><p> </p><p>Having success in speech really boosted their confidence. And they were the only people in their grade to be in speech, which was nice. The team had a total of 20 people, which was a decent size for a speech team. And the older teens were really nice and welcoming. Michael and Rich had debated on if they wanted to try to do separate categories this year despite doing rather well this year- several Finals (a separate round were the top eight of each category competed), though never placing higher than fourth. And much closer to finals at sections than before, having finished at sub sections only behind the older duos from their school. They did ultimately decide that they'd wait and see how they did this year in Duo instead of trying something new after making so much progress there.</p><p> </p><p>So the speech season started the first weekend of February and ended the first weekend of April with the state tournament, which meant it ran about as long as hockey season and musical practice. Hockey ended first, with the state tournament being in March so the junior varsity season ended at the beginning of February, though after a good season their sophomore year, they were transferred to the varsity team for the state tournament, which had been an experience. A good one, but pretty crazy.</p><p> </p><p>Then the musical's opening was at the end of March, with the lead up being a bit crazier than usual practices. All that hard work paid off, and Michael barely froze opening night. Especially with Tony right beside him reminding him that screw ups weren't the end of the world, and that he didn't have to pay any attention to the people in the audience. He was just relieved that he didn't have a severe case of stage fright like he thought he would despite the progress he had been making. Nailing classic songs from Sound of Music was just a bonus even if he just had the younger boy's part.</p><p> </p><p>The year after they had done Guys and Dolls, which was definitely an adventure. Michael had gotten the role of Nicely Nicely, which meant he basically had a solo song (with people doing the chorus of course, but it was close enough for him). He wasn't a main character, but it was definitely a role that he had to put a lot of work into. And it was a lot of fun. He'd met Christine that year, she told him that she preferred plays but didn't mind musicals much. Though she didn't think she was that good at singing, and he did kind of agree that her singing didn't match her dancing, but she still did really well.</p><p> </p><p>Michael let out a breath, they hadn't decided what the musical for the coming year was before school ended, which was a disappointment. Not many in the grade above were interested in musicals so Michael felt like he had a good chance to get a lead role this coming year. And wasn't that a strange thought? A huge turnaround, but he wouldn't have it any other way.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled up at the sky. He knew he was probably doing this wrong, that he was supposed to clear his head, but he didn't care much. Meditation would always be a struggle since his brain never shut up thanks to his ADHD. Which made it hard to be in the present. But that was why his main goal was to just stay on one topic and not jump from thing to thing wildly.</p><p> </p><p>He looked around just to check things out. Jeremy was still next to him on the path, looking incredibly bored and like this wasn't helping at all. Well, meditation wasn't for everyone, though he could make more of an effort. Michael nudged him a bit and raised his eyebrow. Jeremy blushed and looked away before getting more of a look of concentration on his face.</p><p> </p><p>It was incredibly boring though, moving meditation relied on slowing down movements so they were walking through the trail incredibly slowly. Michael was tired of the trees around him already, especially the broken ones. He could only stare at them for so long before he had enough at this pace. Right, one topic.</p><p> </p><p>How things had changed. With the growing confidence, came friends. By the end of freshman year, he could easily say that Jake was his friend too, which was not actually intentional. But was also really nice. Jake was popular but not in the stereotypical way, which made it easier on Rich and Michael.</p><p> </p><p>Then the start of sophomore year hit, with their newfound confidence, and they held nothing back, working on making friends, and up the social ladder. Well, the social ladder wasn't Michael's concern so much as Rich's and Michael made friends with those Rich befriended. Alongside others he made efforts towards in class. Like Jenna. He liked Jenna. She spread gossip for attention, desperate for friendship. But she didn't spread all gossip. She could keep a secret. She'd release information slowly and to different people. Sometimes her rumors even distracted from what was actually going on, such as Madeline pretending to be French. Not actually true, Madeline had transferred in partway through freshman year from Quebec. Her accent wasn't fake; she was just Canadian-French and was a bit self-conscious about it. Michael didn't know her that well, but he had become Jenna's dumping ground for secrets she didn't actually want to spread but had trouble keeping. Since he had proved himself able to keep a secret.</p><p> </p><p>The only problem was Rich was a bit of a bully. Nothing too bad, some shoving, and some teasing. And a lot of it wasn't even malicious. He joked with Michael the same way after all. But try telling angsty teens that. Rich just needed to stop treating people like he treated his friends because he was way off base. And his squip probably still wasn't helping. It hadn't yet connected back to the main squip database, even though it knew its code was out of date, because Rich didn't need him to. Sometimes Rich would flinch, especially times when it was harder to understand him because of the lisp.</p><p> </p><p>Michael worried about Rich sometimes, but at least around Michael, especially at Michael's house, he was the same Rich as always. The one Michael had a crush on and maybe maybe was falling in love with. The best Tony could come up with was that Rich's squip decided that since Michael didn't care, it'd be best to give Rich a place of refuge from his father and other things. Michael knew that his moms were continuing to document everything. He had stumbled across the list once, and even noticed that his mom had noted down what the law said about that and whatever. The main sticking point though was that his Mama was a health care worker and expected to report suspected abuse. But then, Rich's dad while not showing a good relationship with his son, gave no one reason to doubt that he could do his job (electrician) and had an amiable relationship with many people.</p><p> </p><p>He really appreciated all his moms were doing for Rich. They were in a tough place, and a call to child services could make things worse on Rich, especially since the only outward sign of abuse was the occasional bruise. They couldn't even claim that Rich spending nearly every weekend at their house was a sign because Michael had been the same way for years. Plus Rich very clearly didn't want to say anything. Michael knew it was going to come to a head sooner rather than later. It'd been a year since Dylan had gone off to college, which meant it was a year for Rich's dad to shift focus, to get worse. The rare occasions he was at Rich's he'd seen the liquor bottles in the trash. There was a lot for one man. Even if most people got along with Rich's dad, there were definitely rumors around town about the fact he was a loner who didn't have friends. Which meant that Rich's dad was drinking a lot. Which meant at the very least heavy neglect, if not worse. Michael hoped it wasn't worse, but the way Dylan acted and the way he just took off as soon as he could, never to return...</p><p> </p><p>Michael shook his head at himself and pulled himself back to the present a bit. Best not to worry about Rich too much. Maybe there was nothing to worry about, maybe there was something. But he couldn't let his anxiety get the better of him. There was nothing he could do but wait and see, and be supportive in the mean time. He considered further what had changed over the years. Oh. Yeah, he'd gotten his grades up to a 3.5 average and was taking AP lit this coming year, something he never thought would be possible. He didn't exactly like literature, but he did well enough in the class there was no problem getting in, and if it eliminated a college credit, all the better. He was also taking AP chemistry because it sounded like he might enjoy it at least somewhat. He could always go down to regular chemistry. Aside from that, he was in pre-calculus, an art class (3-d art first semester, then clay I second), US government (thank goodness that was only a semester long), a glass class second semester (3-D art was a prerequisite), orchestra (he played the viola), an advanced drawing techniques course (I and II), and the only theater course the school offered. Which unlike the others was a whole year.</p><p> </p><p>He'd decided that he mostly wanted to go into the arts, either with oil pastels or painting. If he liked the courses he took this year, he would add that to the possibilities. He made sure all his credits were ready- he'd already had all the required gym and health courses, he fulfilled the technology requirements, and the language requirements (two years). He dropped French because languages were hard, and while he could do okay with all read and written work, listening and speaking did not mix well. He was only as good as he was at Spanish and Filipino because his moms used them both frequently while he was growing up. They still did, though not as often because they weren't around as often and Rich was around too. Not to mention they did foster kids.</p><p> </p><p>Well, the deal with fostering was that if a kid at the hospital needed an emergency placement, they'd take the kid. They easily could afford it- the top floor had two bedrooms along with the master bedroom, and the basement had two bedrooms. The main floor had two offices that could be converted if desperate. They also tended to take the money for fostering the kid and save it for the kid to use later. Usually opening a savings account, or depositing into an existing one, if they could. Michael had actually moved to the basement when he was 10, because it was clear he needed the space. So the rules became that if Michael didn't want anyone down there, the fosters were not to disturb him. That way he could get his alone time but also watch tv or play video games if he wanted. They rarely got more than two kids at one time so the extra basement bedroom was never used.</p><p> </p><p>Michael loved his room in the basement. It was actually bigger than his old room, which meant he had space to do his projects if he wanted. He did still do and store projects in Mama's office since she didn't actually use it much. Mom's office got a lot more use with her job. But he at least had a desk and stuff so he could do it in his room if he wanted. It had been really nice to get that choice all those years ago.</p><p> </p><p>As the temporary brother who actually lived in the house, he did his best to help the other kids fit in, which became easier as he grew more confident in himself and worked on his mental issues. Where before his autism and adhd were off-putting, he utilized them to put the kids at ease. The record over the last year and a half was six months, which was unusually long for an emergency placement, most lasted about a month. But then, there was some legal trouble after the kid's parents died. Legal trouble about who was getting custody.</p><p> </p><p>Rich had adapted pretty nicely to the fostering situation himself, though he was very surprised the first time it happened. Especially since Michael's moms didn't like having guests over for long periods of time the first week they had the foster kids. So the kids could settle in and adjust. It worked pretty well, all things considered.</p><p> </p><p>Michael checked for a landmark, and quickly spotted the rock everyone liked to climb. They were almost back at least, though at this pace it'd probably take like ten minutes. He held back a groan and tried to come up with something to think about. He... hadn't thought about all that had changed. Or rather, not changed.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy had continued to mostly use their texting and the occasional call as dumping grounds for all of his problems, never asking Michael about what he's doing or if he's being bullied or anything. Barely even asked how Michael was doing. Michael was pretty sure that was just because it was habit. Sometimes Michael could give enough comfort to move the conversation on, but other days... he could go weeks without having a real conversation with Jeremy instead of trying to be comforting, offering bright sides and all that.</p><p> </p><p>And Jeremy found anything he could to complain about. Being bullied, not making friends, classes being too hard, too much homework, not having a girlfriend, his dad... Heck, after committing suicide the first thing he did after he got his phone back was to complain to Michael about how restrictive the hospital was, about how Michael couldn't visit because minors could only get visits from adults on their visitor list. He complained about the therapist trying to make him talk too. He must've done enough talking to get out of there, but clearly he didn't like it.</p><p> </p><p>The only reason he was okay with camp was because Michael was there, and when they had free time, he preferred to talk about anything he wanted to talk about. Sometimes complaints about this or that suggestion by the therapist (“she wants me to change who I am Michael! I can't exactly do that!” “she's just giving you suggestions, I don't think that's what she means...”). Other times it was about video games and other similar topics. Familiar ground, what they used to talk about all the time. But... It left a sour taste. Michael missed how it was before, but also recognized they were heading down a heavily codependent path. And that could've been fine, people who are codependent can work at not being so dependent on each other and have a more healthy dynamic. Only... they usually do that together as they improve. Michael... Michael had moved on, he'd grown up and worked hard. Jeremy... Jeremy was still stuck in the old mindset. And was super clingy.</p><p> </p><p>Michael was struggling with resentment about it. He didn't asked to be practically worshipped like this. He didn't ask to should such an emotional burden. He also thought a lot of Jeremy's logic was stupid. Why wouldn't he at least try to listen to the therapist? Of course the hospital was restrictive, he'd tried to kill himself! Why did he hate his dad so much, from every complaint Jeremy gave, it was clear that his father had his own issues and was dealing with them, even if it wasn't exactly in a way that Jeremy approved of. His father was trying, and did his best to do right by Jeremy. And he knew that because his dad had contacted Michael's moms after the suicide attempt for some advice. And he was definitely following the advice from Jeremy's complaints.</p><p> </p><p>It was like Jeremy just wanted to be stuck in that hole. Because he wanted to be cool and have a girlfriend. Stereotypes of high school life, really. It can be enough to have friends, and some never date in high school.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed as they finally made it back. He knew he was being petty and wasn't giving Jeremy the support he needed. He needed to get over it. But it was hard, and getting harder as time went on and he settled into his niche. And it really didn't help that Jeremy had been diagnosed with clinical depression, and the therapist wanted him tested for social anxiety, which Jeremy refused because he didn't think he was anxious. Michael was tired of it.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully for Michael, after a snack and more painful conversations with Jeremy (mostly Jeremy complaining that meditation wasn't necessary), it was time for the group session that occurred without support, then Jeremy's daily hour of therapy. Which meant he had two hours to do what ever he wanted, just like every day at this camp. The rest was spent at Jeremy's side. He took at deep breath and then headed down to the lake.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped at the railing, with his backpack on (he liked to carry his headphones and sketchbook in there; he'd been asked not to wear the headphones around his neck at all times). He enjoyed the view of the lake. After a moment of staring, he sat down and pulled out his sketchbook to draw out the scene. He had colored pencils for the colors, but it wasn't the same. His favorite methods caused too much of a mess for camp.</p><p> </p><p>As he sketched, Michael hummed some tunes to himself. The alone time was always welcome. He would probably be going home emotionally exhausted like last year. He really needed more alone time than what he got. He was totally introverted that way, while Jeremy... not so much. Michael was okay around people so long as he wasn't expected to socialize and Jeremy had a hard time not socializing. Which meant camp was already getting old.</p><p> </p><p>“If you want, I could take over your body to give you a break, block out what he's saying so you don't have to hear it but respond like you do hear it. And summarize what he's saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“We'll put that on reserve for when I really start going nuts. I may be getting sick of it already, but I want to know where my limits lie. Besides, so long as I take care of myself, hitting my limits will only help me get them longer.” Michael didn't look up from his sketching. He figured that if he kept his head down, anyone who noticed him talking would assume he was talking to himself about what he was sketching.</p><p> </p><p>“That's true. So long as you do take care of yourself. Sometimes you overstretch yourself to be a good friend to Jeremy. One of these days you might snap and really hurt him and yourself, and if it gets to that point, it'll have been better if you'd stopped being friends long ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed. “I know, that's not something I want to do. But... I think it'll only be a problem if he moves back or if he's still like this and we end up at the same college. I can handle the texting and stuff during the school year. It's much easier to take time for my mental health, and if he asks, I can usually bs some excuse or even tell him I wasn't up to answering. He doesn't need to know it's because the emotional labor with him is so high rather than his assumption that I had a bad mental health day...”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Just don't forget I'm here to help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like I can forget that when you're strutting around like Tony Stark so much.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, duh. I took his form because that was one you'd listen to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah yeah.” Michael smiled as he finished the pencil sketch and took out the colored pencils. That was a common joke he liked to fall back on. And it never got old.</p><p><br/>He decided to think about happier things since Jeremy wasn't around. Why should Jeremy take over his thoughts when he's not around? He continued coloring as he tried to think about what to think about. But he had a hard time coming up with something.</p><p> </p><p>Until he laughed at the memory of the dinner he and his moms had out at the old fashioned diner. With Rich and the most recent foster kid. It was a celebratory dinner because the kid was finally going home after some things had been cleared up. And the memory was funny because the kid was only eight and had been pretty fascinated by the roller skates. And may have wanted to try them out. It was a bit ridiculous, but adorably funny.</p><p> </p><p>What a good night that had been. Rich had even been totally relaxed, which didn't always happen these days. At least not when it wasn't just Michael and Rich. It wasn't that he didn't have a good time with other people, but he always seemed a bit more conscious of his lisp. And maybe the tenseness had something to do with his squip. It was still nice to see Rich be so relaxed for a while.</p><p> </p><p>They had talked before Michael left for the camp about their plans for the school year. The possibilities for their duo in speech, hockey and the likelihood they'll make varsity this year, Michael's love of musicals and the possibilities of which musical they'd be putting on this year. Rich's love of conspiracies and messing with people. They even talked a little about what plans they had for college, Michael was thinking his fall back for money making purposes since the arts weren't always lucrative was getting a degree in math- there was a lot that could be done with that. Or maybe psychology. All the effort he'd been putting into doing better with the help of his squip made that area a bit intriguing. Especially with just how different and yet the same everyone was deep down.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you be a therapist then?” Tony had a tendency to just ask questions based on what Michael was thinking. Probably some sort of making sure Michael was thinking things through and understood his own reasoning or something.</p><p> </p><p>“...I don't think so. I don't think I'd be able to listen to everyone talk about themselves all day and have to keep from talking about myself. I'd probably want to specialize in issues teens commonly have- ADHD, autism, that sort of thing. Probably want to work on some books or something for that? So that there's greater understanding in the world. Maybe do some research... I don't know. My moms are great, and the schools while not the best have done decently with accommodating my issues, but that might just be because my mom's a lawyer and it's easy to keep them in line with that. I want to help teens feel safe and comfortable in their schools.</p><p> </p><p>“And I want to fight against some of these stereotypes and just stupid parental attitudes I've seen online. 'they didn't want to think anything was wrong with me' 'my mom says she did her best but she has adhd and never thought to get me checked for it' 'my parents wanted to give me a normal childhood so they didn't tell me that I had autism until I was older' 'I felt like my autism diagnosis was an excuse for my parents to get me easier tests'. I've seen so many comments like that and so much more. So many get diagnosed with autism and adhd and don't know about issues with regulating emotions being a thing, that for people with adhd, any criticism or negative interaction can hurt like rejection, that executive dysfunction is a thing and is not laziness.</p><p> </p><p>“And seriously, those parents need an education too- the first two? Came from someone who got a 3.7 GPA with anxiety and adhd, and had never been diagnosed, had just been forcing herself through that. There's nothing wrong with having a mental disorder, and getting it diagnosed will prevent there from being serious things wrong later in life.</p><p> </p><p>“A normal childhood? An autistic child can certainly have a 'normal' childhood, though I guess that depends on their definition. I feel like I had a normal childhood, though I suppose being in and out of therapy, jumping between therapists and a lot of trial and error and the arrangements with the school wouldn't count to some people. But I grew up happy, with an idea of what was 'wrong' with me, and how to 'fix' it. My moms worked hard to give me the tools to overcome the difficulties, and yeah, I wouldn't have gotten so far without you, but at the same time, I was on the right track, if a bit reluctant to push forward, and I think I had been too dependent on Jeremy which I'd say is pretty normal in people like me!</p><p> </p><p>“And just an excuse? I mean maybe? It depends on the parent I guess. But seriously there's so much more to mental illness than just being unable to complete school work properly without help or adjustments. There's so much more to high functioning autism, I don't know how the heck they can raise a kid with no problems. Between the meltdowns, the sensory issues, the issues with social interactions... They'd have to work really hard on teaching them that's for sure. I just don't think trying to raise an autistic kid normally is going to work because they're not normal even at high functioning levels. They can learn to pretend and pass for normal, but they'll never be normal and people just need to accept that.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael took a deep breath and switched out colors after making sure his anger didn't ruin his drawing. “Apparently I have a lot more feelings on the subject than I thought. But yeah, I'd love to do something for teens with autism and ADHD, they don't get magically cured as they get older. They just get better at masking it, and society seems to think they'll outgrow it in adulthood. They need to be better prepared, have better support, and schools need to be more accommodating of students with such issues and teachers that can help them the way they need to learn instead of always going with the hard way. There are compromises too.” Michael shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that's a noble goal, and I think that means you'll want to take the AP psychology course your senior year.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I've heard that its one of the easier ones at least, and it'd give me a good look at what I'd be getting into. I think it'd be worth it, and it's something I could use art with. I'm not sure I'd ever be able to write songs on my own but maybe I can find someone to collaborate with and we can write a musical about it or something. Or I can write and illustrate a book... I could do a lot of things I think. I just know I'm not cut out to be a proper therapist.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you have the next two years of high school and at least four years of college to figure it out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yay...” Michael deadpanned. “At least I have some direction in my life. I don't know if Rich has any at all. Or Jake. He's still busy trying out every activity he can. Which is absolutely insane but none of my business. Heck, I don't think Jenna, Chloe, or Brooke know either. Which they're going to have to figure out because college submissions are in senior year... Unless they decide on a gap year, which would be fine. Not sure I want to do that. I feel like I'd get too complacent.”</p><p> </p><p>“You probably would. I was just trying to destress and ease that anxiety of yours.”</p><p> </p><p>“...Fair enough. Sorry. I think I am a little too wound up, but better to figure it out now...” Michael spent a few minutes in silence as he finished up coloring the drawing.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh, it'd look better if I did it with sunset colors, but Jeremy's not patient enough for me to sit out here and get an idea at minimum of how it should look.” Michael shrugged and put it in his bag. He double checked the time. He still had an hour to kill.</p><p> </p><p>He grinned. “Swimming it is.” It was the best part of the camp, but so hard to do with other people around. There were probably some at the beach, but not too many since a lot of campers had their individual therapy or group therapy now (group therapy was done in two groups because there were too many for one good size group).</p><p> </p><p>Michael quickly dashed to the cabin he was staying in for his swim trunks and towel. A quick change later, and he was on his way happily down to the beach to swim. Swimming was a pretty relaxing activity for him, so long as he wasn't interrupted or had to be aware of what other people were doing. He passed by the forest as he headed down, and briefly considered how eerie those woods were at night. And how much scarier they'd be in the fog because everything made things spookier. The moment passed though because it didn't matter much. Fog was usually gone by like eight am if there was any at all because it's summer and hot.</p><p> </p><p>He dropped his towel on his backpack and stepped into the water. It was a decent temp so he didn't take long to get deep enough to properly swim and relax. <span class="u">Can you let me know when I have ten minutes to get back into normal clothes for 'free time' with Jeremy?</span></p><p> </p><p>“Of course, go have fun. You need it.”</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">Yeah yeah, I know I know. Gotta unwind a bit more before facing the leech. Wait that's pretty unkind to Jeremy but... he does seem to leech my energy.</span> Michael shook his head and decided to focus on swimming.</p><p> </p><p>As he did so, he started relaxing, though as usual thoughts filled his head. What was going on back home? Hopefully Mama and Mom weren't working to hard without having to worry about him. Hopefully Rich wasn't going too nuts without him there to entertain him and get him out of the house, though Jake did help with that usually. Since they were good friends and all. But Jake was also pretty popular so he didn't hang with Rich all the time as a result.</p><p> </p><p>He had an image of the shelves going bare at home with him not being there to remind them to shop or volunteer to do it. He snickered at the idea that they'd go shopping to find that they timed it poorly and things were understocked to the point that shelves were absolutely bare. He knew that wasn't likely to happen, but it was still funny. Between Mama outright being forgetful (she had so many reminders on her phone and still forgot; but Michael understood, he was the same way and that was another issue of ADHD) and Mom being so focused on work, they probably wouldn't get it done as early as they did with him reminding them. Being the one it affected the most. He was a growing boy with a big appetite. His moms worked hard and sometimes barely took a lunch break. Which meant they didn't really take lunch at home. And while they did have good appetites it didn't match his. So they'd probably think they'd have enough only to not. He had to make sure shopping was done the day he got back from camp last year because there wasn't nearly enough food in the house.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't really mind. It wasn't like he was taking care of them if he was the one to remember. He did forget frequently until something he wanted wasn't around anymore. So it was a family thing they did, and they dealt with because they were capable of talking like human beings.</p><p> </p><p>All too soon, it certainly didn't feel like it had been more fifteen minutes, Tony gave him the ten minute warning. Michael sighed reluctantly as he made his way to shore and dried off. He slipped his sandals on and winced a bit at the sand clinging to his feet. He hated the transition from water to beach when he was heading back to 'normal' life.</p><p> </p><p>He waved to Jeremy since the group session was just wrapping up, and it was done outside, with the understanding that no one who was in that group went anywhere near there. Michael saw him wave back, and a surprised expression cross his face. Michael shrugged and went inside to put on his clothes.</p><p> </p><p>He then waited patiently for the session to end two minutes later and Jeremy bounded over to him.<br/><br/></p><p>“Dude, have you been working out or something? That's some muscle.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael blinked then realized he hadn't gone swimming yet this camp session, and he still tended to wear baggy clothes when he could. “Or something,” Michael agreed. “My moms wanted me to do a sport, so I've been doing that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Man that must suck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really, honestly. I've had some fun, and I'm looking forward to it again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really I never took you for a jock? And you sure don't act like one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not everything has to follow stereotypes, Jeremy. I still play video games, I still do dorky things like collect retro games and other retro stuff. I really like buying retro pop that's not made anywhere. Sometimes it's stale which is a disappointment but at least I have a chance to try those flavors.”</p><p> </p><p>“So... you're still the same old Michael?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Michael did his best not to sound exasperated. “You didn't even realize until you saw me without my shirt, dude. If I was different and more like a jock I think you would've notice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah, sure I guess.” Jeremy nodded absentmindedly.</p><p> </p><p>And then proceeded to bother Michael about playing a sport, never bothering to ask what it was, and from what he asked, Michael was pretty sure it was football, basketball, or baseball on his mind, not hockey. Most people disregarded hockey. Which was kind of stupid. It was a good sport, despite the violence it brought out in players.</p><p> </p><p>Michael felt a bit hurt by how Jeremy was acting about it.</p><p> </p><p>“A bit hurt?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Fine. I feel absolutely rejected because his first thought was that I was turning into a jock, not to congratulate me on getting in shape or anything. He's not even bothering to ask what sport I play. It's ridiculous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. The real question is: What are you going to do about it? Are you going to be able to handle continuing to hang out with him or am I going to need to take over?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy was still bombarding Michael with questions. “Whoa, dude give me a chance to answer.” <span class="u">I think I can do that so long as he gets off the topic soon. I don't want to use the taking over out so soon... I'd like to get through at least a week first, and it's only what, day three?</span></p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that's fair. I'll leave you to it. Good luck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so practices start a month or so before the games start, the season, aka the length of time there's games before the state tournament starts up, is only two months or so, and the state tournament is a month long because first they have to determine who's the section champions, then there's a state tournament of those champions to win. I was not on varsity until after the season ended last year, so there's a good chance I'll be on varsity this year. And as far as I can tell, none of the upperclassmen were really super popular, and they definitely didn't seem to be jocks. Well, there were a couple idiots, but I think that's normal in any group.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy thought about it then had a litany of more questions. Michael groaned mentally.</p><p> </p><p>It took almost until he gave in and had Tony take over before Jeremy finally was appeased and convinced that Michael was still Michael, his player 1. Michael was very well wrung out then, and was relieved that it was time for dinner at that time. An excuse not to talk? Yes, please. He picked out his food and sat down with Jeremy...</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, dude, how did I not notice that you're eating healthier?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael took a deep breath and looked up. “Because it's not that different than my normal diet? And I actually found it easier to keep up if I made sure to eat healthier foods over junk foods, so it kind of became a habit.”</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, that was enough and they ate their food. By the time dinner was done, Jeremy was ready to talk about other stuff, and even if it was more Jeremy centric, it was a relief. The only activity after dinner was campfire, songs, and s'mores. And it didn't start until 8. It ended at 10, and then they were supposed to get up at 7 so they were ready for breakfast at 8. The camp was very serious about attempting to make sure everyone got enough sleep for their own mental health.</p><p> </p><p>The fire was glorious that night, and Michael found himself relaxing more and more as they laughed, and sang along to campfire songs. Michael was relieved that there was no solo singing because he was scared of Jeremy's reaction to that aspect of his life too.</p><p> </p><p>And then it was off to bed. So that the next day they could get up and do it all again. ...Michael was sure he was going to go nuts before it was over. Very, very sure.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So there we have it. What happens to a codependent relationship when one person starts outgrowing and moving beyond that need and the other just clings harder? It becomes a really tiring relationship.</p><p>My hubby and i had a very codependent relationship when we started dating. A large part of that was that less than a year after we started dating was when I learned I had anxiety, adhd, and possibly autism. And I wasn't getting any support from my family. Not what *I* needed for support anyways. But he was equally dependent on me. I was so bad I freaked out if he didn't text me at his usual times, if he worked late without warning if... And equally, he was willing to humor me, and was while not nearly as needy, equally as emotionally attached. Eventually we outgrew it; basically as I learned to branch out and overcome my anxiety, as  my mental health improved, we stopped clinging so hard to other people. We did have an unhealthy dynamic, but I am so so grateful he stuck with me. But we moved on together. Not separately. If it had happened separately... that would've been disastrous. And that's the angle i'm going with here.</p><p>I suppose I should mention I don't hate Jeremy. I just think that he and Michael were very codependent, they both share equal blame in that, and I think that after moving, he'd be clinging to the familiar, and that he'd struggle with making friends. Maybe he wouldn't be so selfish. Maybe he would. I'm going with he's not aware he's being that selfish. And that Michael really should point out what he's doing, though he is doing his best to be a good friend and not be selfish himself so he doesn't want to. It's going to be interesting next chapter when Michael is home from camp.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Michael's Dilemmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michael is out with his friends when he gets surprising news from Jeremy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael happily collapsed into bed after a long day of travel. Two weeks at camp with Jeremy, followed by plane rides and stuff on his own was not ideal. The camp was in Wisconsin. Which was where Jeremy lived now. Michael was forever grateful his moms had said they didn't want him gone for two weeks so no actually staying with Jeremy and his dad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulled out his phone and smiled at the group chat of Rich, Jake, Chloe, Jenna, and Brooke. They were all eager to hang out now that he was back. Idea after idea on what they should do populated the chat, with arguments breaking out here and there. He hadn't responded after leaving the airport, preferring to watch the chat arguments. Even Jenna was joining in a bit, which was good. She was really only friends with him but he liked her and that was why he'd added her to the group chat in the first place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, okay. I like the idea of doing an escape room the most. Tomorrow? I need some time to unwind today and my moms want to spend the evening with me tonight. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Ha, told ya!</em> Rich, of course. The one who knew him best and Jenna had also said the escape room would be on his list. The others weren't too inclined to agree, insisting they knew best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Ugh, fine why do you want to do an escape room? </em>Chloe, not too surprising, considering she wanted to go to the mall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Because solving mysteries is fun? And the set ups for escape rooms are so cool, some put you in a room with the only escape being the door, but others have a couple of other rooms and you have to like crawl and stuff. There's using black lights, tearing the room apart for clues, and just so much fun. No need for any knowledge going in, just problem solving skills and logic.</em> Michael enthused. He had only been in a couple with his moms a few times, well Rich had joined them once, but he loved the experience so much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>You? Logical? </em>That was of course Jake, who had an idea of his issues, at least a better one than the girls, and knew he could be emotional.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Haha, very funny. I'll have you know I'm taking pre-calc this year because I love math and am thinking I'll take AP calc next year.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Wait how can one so creative be so good at math? It doesn't make sense.</em> Brooke, of course. She could be a bit slow on the uptake but they all loved her anyways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Some people are lucky to get both. Certainly makes it easier on me considering english is a pain and history is too</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael laughed at some of the responses and settled in to relax while texting his friends. They probably wouldn't even care if he stopped texting them at some point. Which could be necessary. He needed to take some time to properly process the last two weeks. Which was a much longer time than normal for processing, he usually only needed a couple of days to process something that happened in one day. But then, he hardly had his alone time over two weeks, and there was a lot to process. It hadn't stopped at all, no big breaks of a few days or anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brooke volunteered to do the booking and needed input from everyone on when.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>no earlier than 12 please no later than 5</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael then ducked out of the chat again, dropping his phone to constantly buzz on his chest. He was staring at his glow in the dark stars on the ceiling that he had never taken down. But he wasn't really paying attention, he was once again replaying memories from camp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The one that stood out the most was Jeremy's reaction to the fact that he was fit. He wasn't even super muscular or anything. Just fit enough to not have any extra fat and yet... It had hurt. Jeremy wasn't accepting of his new interests.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even though Michael had been constantly humoring what changes Jeremy had for years. Oh, was interested in girls now? Wanted a girlfriend? Cool. Was really into plays and even checked out plays? Might even geek out with you! Oh, troubles at school? Here to listen! Oh, wow you think you might like english? I don't understand how but good for you! Find something you're good at! That was he always responded with. Enthusiasm and encouragement. Not... questions and borderline anger at the surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The worst part, Michael considered, was this reinforced his desire to keep his friends and current life as private as possible. He had always been wary of trying to talk to Jeremy about how he had changed, and at the beginning, with Jeremy struggling so much, had been reluctant to talk about his new friend. Now he'd basically been proven right over something kind of stupid. Jeremy wasn't ready to accept that his friend could've changed. Michael had kind of known, he tested the waters every so often bringing up something Jeremy wouldn't know. Though Jeremy never reacted terribly he did kind of awkwardly change the subject pretty much every time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael had just kind of wanted it to be over after that. He didn't really want to be friends with Jeremy anymore. Not if Jeremy couldn't handle who he was, not if Jeremy kept making everything about him. It was understandable, but Michael now knew he couldn't handle it anymore. He just had to find a way to break it to Jeremy gently. To confront Jeremy on being so focused on himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn't exactly blame him. Focusing on himself was important for his mental health. But to the absence of all else? Not a great plan, especially since Jeremy was better. More settled, more able to deal with things. Jeremy had kept bringing up the sports thing, still never asking what sport he did, until Michael snapped and had Tony take over for a bit because enough was enough. It'd only taken him a week, he'd barely made it that entire week. Tony had to take over at least once a day for the second week, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because Michael was emotionally exhausted. Because he was used to dealing with his problems, and sometimes offering suggestions and stuff for Jeremy, but being at that camp meant completely shouldering the burden of Jeremy's issues. And Michael? Michael was done with that bs. The first year was easier because Jeremy was in much more emotional turmoil, genuinely. He was still dealing with depression then. Or rather, he was still learning how to overcome it, his emotions were more... raw. He was more settled at the end of camp that first time, but slowly went back to being whiny, just without falling back so deeply into depression again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael felt very bitter about it all. He wasn't really good enough for Jeremy. And he wasn't exactly good for Jeremy either, keeping secrets and having his own issues to try to keep out of everything. He was pretty close to snapping by the end. Tony even took over once or twice before he could do something he regretted without being asked. And while that wasn't exactly fun, Michael knew it was for the best. If he was going to blow up at Jeremy it wasn't going to be at mental health camp where they'd want him in a therapy session for it. Sometimes people just reach a breaking point, but as far as he could tell a lot of mental health professionals liked to treat it like some big overreaching problem. He refused to deal with that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head and picked up his phone again to check the texts. It had devolved a bit and Rich and Jenna had finally noticed that he was missing from the chat. He chuckled and texted back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sorry, been a long two weeks. Emotionally exhausting tested limits when I wasn't sure where they were... it wasn't exactly a vacation for me. Debating on what to do for the next few hours to unwind.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Oh right you were at some special camp because of Jeremy, right? </em>Rich, of course</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Who's jeremy? </em>There were several texts asking that, it wasn't just one person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sorry, forgot you wouldn'tk now he was my best friend, kind of still is but itscomplicated and in our freshman year he moved away. That's kind of how I became friends with Rich. Anyways he didn't handle the change well and has had a lot of issues so the camp I went to is for him and it's not always the best time he's abit clingy now </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Ah, so not enough alone time for you? </em>Jake, teasing as usual. His need to have some time alone was a bit of a joke, but something they respected after the meltdown he had at a party.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Definitely not.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Well, you should play some games, it has been two weeks.</em> Rich again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Oooooor you could send pics of all your drawings from the last two weeks? </em>And that was Chloe, she was obsessed with his art for some reason.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael laughed and texted back that he'd consider it before he got up and went to the secondary living room (aka the non bedroom/bathroom space of the basement) to decide on a game. He continued chatting absentmindedly with his friends as he did so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was good to be home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a great evening catching up with his moms, and sharing a little of his frustrations, and how he felt like he couldn't break for the sake of not hurting Jeremy and not wanting to have to have some therapy discussion about his feelings with strangers when he understood how he felt and why, he just had limits still. They were sympathetic and reminded him that he can talk to them. After that they just had fun being a family, including a trip to the basement for an hour of games. That was fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael was thinking he'd probably share a bit more about why he was frustrated with Jeremy once he had a little more distance. It was nice to get some of it off his chest, and they weren't pushing him to see a therapist. Though his mama had an interesting way of looking at it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't see why we should put you in therapy for having trouble with a friendship, not when you've been doing way better on your own than with any of the therapists. We'd have to resume looking for a good one, and I don't see an urgent need, so long as you know how you feel and why, and are always looking for ways to do and be better when you do hit your limits. I know you don't lash out the way you used to when you have meltdowns.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael had nodded, and conceded the point. He had changed a lot over the last few years, and he had learned, with some help from Tony, to escape the situation when he could feel himself getting overwhelmed. It was definitely better. And he had started to gain enough control that he wasn't likely to be physical anymore, though that was only if it wasn't an absolutely terrible one. Usually he had no control if it had been building for way longer than it should've, and there were a lot of things he hadn't dealt with that he should've. But he tried to stay on top of that, so it was rarely an issue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now though, it was time for the escape room. This would be great fun. They were to meet up at 1. Michael grinned as he drove to the meet up point (yay drivers license and his moms deciding to give him a few weeks with a car and arranging other transportation for one of them at least until school started). He made a stop at McDonald's to indulge in some fries and chicken nuggets on the way, then made it with enough time to eat it all before getting out and meeting up with his friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They greeted each other with hugs and other gestures. Michael still sometimes couldn't believe that he had this many friends. It was so surreal. And it was one of the best things that ever happened to them. They entered, told the guy they had an appointment, signed a waiver, silenced their phones and handed them over, and chattered a little to catch up more until they were led back to the crime scene escape room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then it was on. It was a decent sized room, with part of it sectioned off with crime scene tape. They started looking for clues immediately, finding some locks, and a couple of possible combinations to try. It wouldn't be that easy, but at least the start was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Half way through, they were tempted to ask for a clue, but they had made a pact to not ask for help. They'd get it done one their own or not at all. They were too competitive to want clues.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were a couple of clues they found that were odd, until Michael realized what they were pointing to and rolled his eyes. He moved to the bookshelf and started moving books, trying to find the one they were probably referencing, and sure enough behind that one there was a button. Which opened a small tunnel in the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, who wants to crawl through that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can do it,” Brooke volunteered. “I am the skinniest so it'll be easiest for me.” She sent an apologetic look to Chloe who waved her off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brooke shimmied through and they waited, organizing 'evidence' until she came back, five minutes later. She shivered. “It was an interrogation room with a single light and three chairs, so creepy.” She placed the files down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's most of the information we need!” Jake grinned. “Great job! Was there anything else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Some scribbles, but nothing useful, I think.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael, Rich, and Jenna quickly started putting the information together, but they were missing one bit of information. They had five minutes to figure it out. The group spread out and searched again. Until...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my gosh there's writing on the door!” Chloe exclaimed loudly, shining her blacklight on it. They quickly turned the black light off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did we miss that?” Michael grumbled, they'd even checked the ceiling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That led them to another section, which led them to opening the final lock, which was on a box. And in that box was a note and a key.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It seems the victim had not expected what happened when the suspect invited her on a picnic,” Jake read. He laughed a bit at that as Michael put the key in the lock. “There's more but I don't think we need that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door opened, and they all sighed in relief. They had less than two minutes left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They left the room happily and chatted about how that went, and how well they all worked together. Secretly, Brooke and Chloe were just glad they could contribute since they weren't always the best at things like that. Not like Jenna who was good at sniffing out information.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The person running the rooms came out and congratulated them, put their time on a black board, and took a picture of them. Then they grabbed their phones and started heading out to the parking lot, still talking. Well, once they'd paid anyways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So I feel like we should do something, but I don't know what.” Brooke complained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We could get food,” Rich suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's possible, there's a cool old fashioned diner nearby, though I suppose there's other options.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually they decided to just go to the mall and the food court there. They piled into two cars, and off they went. Michael refused to let Rich choose the songs while Jake tried to distract him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope, my car, my music,” he declared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But you have such a weird taste,” Rich whined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you never stick with one genre if its off your phone.”<br/><br/>“See, that's the joy of having my own music on my phone. I can mix it up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They bickered about that the whole ten minute drive to the mall. On the way in, the girls got distracted by early costume stores having this ridiculous red cape for a little red riding hood costume. The boys hung around awkwardly, looking at the fancy watches in the nearby jewelry store. Some were so fancy it was hard to tell what was even going on in that watch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally though, they moved onto the food court and got food, even Michael. Though he kept it more snacky than anything. He checked his phone to see if his contact for retro drinks had any in, though it seemed there was none in. That was a bit disappointing. He'd been hoping to get a hold of mountain dew red in case Rich ever needed it. Tony wasn't a problem.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He then realized that there was a text from Jeremy. He thought about ignoring it til later but then he realized that Jeremy had sent more and the last one was a disgruntled question about why he hadn't answered yet. He sighed and opened up the texts. And was immediately hit with the first one. Jeremy was moving back. His dad had just told him, and apparently they were moving in less than a week, and his dad had actually taken care of most of the packing while he was at camp. Jeremy was over the moon about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Now we can hang out and play video games like we used to!!!!!!!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael groaned quietly, checked the other messages, sure enough it was just him getting more and more worried Michael wasn't answering. The initial message had been sent likely seconds after he had silenced his phone to hand over for the escape room. Well then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He decided to send a quick text about being busy, that's good news and left it at that so he could figure out how the heck he was supposed to handle this change to expectations. At least he had two weeks before school started to change up his expectations. Not that he planned to change any of his plans around, he just needed to adjust for the added annoyance and emotional drag of Jeremy. Maybe with Jeremy moving back, they could adjust their dynamics back to the way it was before Jeremy left. That would be nice, though it'd probably take a few months. And now he had to warn his friends and ugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yo Michael, you zoned out there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael jumped and shook himself. “Sorry. Got a text from Jeremy. Apparently they're moving back here in less than a week. I was trying to figure how that'd change things.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, we can see if we can try to include him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He doesn't think I made any friends. You can try to be friendly with him, I just don't know how well that'll work. He's kind of oblivious sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why doesn't he think you made any friends?” Chloe asked, looking a bit offended.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because we're geeks, and moving only resulted in him being bullied worse and no friends.” Michael shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But you're so much more than a geek!” Brooke protested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jeremy doesn't know that apparently.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's rough buddy.” Jake sighed in sympathy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyways, let's just have some fun for now, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They reluctantly agreed, and soon chattering was back as they talked about back to school shopping, fashion choices, and classes. Michael started relaxing and rejoined the conversation pretty quickly. All in all, a good day of hanging out with his friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sorted through his art, and sighed at some of his pieces from camp. They were mostly decent stills of the forest and the forest path there, some reimaginings, like the lake at sunrise or sunset that he'd never paid attention to, the idea of fog in the forest path, the lake, some sketches of it storming, which had happened once and they hadn't really been able to see much so he'd had to guess. But there were a couple that clearly showed his frustration. Mostly abstract pieces, some with an item representing Jeremy and a knife in it or something. More vent pieces than anything that he was going to throw out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He picked out his favorites to put up on the wall with his favorites, one of which included the purple eclipse he'd done that first full day with Tony, with the first time he'd ever tried to work out his feelings. It hadn't been his best work, but he had been very proud of that one. There were other pieces from over the years, a couple from his varying art courses, a couple he'd done at home. A ridiculous one that Rich had dared him to do. Fond memories.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tossed the vent pieces into the trash and then carefully put the remaining pieces in a folder marked 'color pencil'. He was working on a portfolio, something all artists needed. He had started working on digital art but it wasn't the same, and he was definitely paranoid about backing up all the data. That was something that could really make or break him when it came to college if he was aiming for an art major. He shook his head. He was still working that out, and yeah, ideally he'd have a plan going into senior year but that was a whole year away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just as he finished up with that, his moms came home together. His mom had to work late and picked up Mama on her way home. He smiled and rushed up to meet them. Tony was trailing after him, as usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I do think you should consider telling them more about Jeremy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">I was.</span> Michael shot him a look over his shoulder before he hugged his moms. He was very touchy-feely after so long being away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I mean the deeper things, the things that have hurt you about your friendship with him these last two years, not just the surface of how rough it is to carry his burden. If your moms are to be supportive, they need to hear all the details.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Ugh. I don't want to... They'll ask why I never told them and I'll have no good answer, and a lot of that hurt is just because I'm overly sensitive and sometimes see rejection where there isn't any.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All the more reason to talk to them. You don't always deal with those feelings as well as you think, you need to talk to someone. And not just me. They'll support you, and they can ensure this house is more of a safe space for you so he's not invading all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want them to scare them away, that could make their friendship with his dad a bit rough, and...</span> Michael almost scowled visibly when he realized he didn't have any other good reason to protest. <span class="u">Fine. I'll talk to them after dinner. Happy?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As much as a super computer can be. And I just want to see you be happy. This has been eating you up inside, and now that he's going to be around most of the time, you need to do something about it before you hit a breaking point repeatedly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Point taken.</span> They didn't discuss further. Michael just helped his moms with dinner and listened as they talked about work, complained a bit about coworkers, and all in all unwound from the rough day, just from being a family. It was nice. One of his favorite things in the world.</p>
<p><br/>Once dinner was over, and they had put dishes in the dishwasher, they retreated to the couch to spend more time as a family. He listened to his moms talk a bit more calmly about work and how their days were. He spent some time telling them about his day. Then, as that all wound to a close, he took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need to tell you something. Jeremy texted today. They're moving back to town in less than a week. He's... pretty happy about it... I'm not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you want to tell us why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded slightly before taking a deep breath. “At camp he realized that I'm pretty in shape after I went swimming. When I told him that I started playing a sport, he accused me of becoming a jock and then kept badgering me when I reminded him that I'm still into geeky things. He never even asked me what sport. I knew he might take how much I've changed and overcome my anxiety badly... That's why I've never mentioned it, not that he ever asked. Now I'm scared of how he's going to react to everything- my friends, my activities, my classes, even. He's stayed the same practically since freshman year. But I haven't and I don't know what to do. And I don't want to abandon him just because I'm tired of helping him with his issues after he moves back, even if I was planning on stepping back before this and my friends are great and do want to help me out though I'm not sure he's going to take that well because well they're popular, which means I'm popular and he doesn't think it's possible to be popular as we are, plus I'm sure jealousy will rear its ugly head and it's just... I'm so tired of it all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.” He was nearly smothered by both of them hugging him at the same time before they pulled away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can help you make sure you have some breathing room, if you want, lay down some rules the first time he's over?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That'd be nice. But you'll have to be careful, I mean I'm older so why more rules now than two years ago?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We'll still find a way to help you out. But first, you need to tell us more about how he's been acting and why that's a problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed. “Okay, but it's a lot and I'm going to go in circles.” When they agreed, he started explaining from the beginning, and made sure to touch on the fact that he and Jeremy had always clung to each other, so it made sense that Jeremy continued doing that, and it was only a problem because Michael wasn't clinging anymore and had moved on, keeping in contact more out of obligation than anything. He then continued on with how draining it was. How he didn't mind the camp the first time because Jeremy was in a truly bad place back then, but afterwards he was more settled and started getting pretty obnoxious. Talking a bit too much about his feelings. Having to redirect the conversation to common likes and such. He spent probably over an hour talking, and there was fair amount of tears. He had pent this up far more than he had realized, only letting snippets out to other people like Rich. When he did start going in circles, his moms redirected him patiently and kept him on topic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once he got all of that out, and answered any questions, they talked about it for a long time, making sure that Michael was alright. He did at least feel better. They weren't really able to come up with a game plan, but did promise to play by ear and make sure Michael was doing okay whenever he hung out with Jeremy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael felt a lot better and made a decision to make the most of the last two weeks before school. There was no way he could be ready any other way. Jeremy would probably be spending a lot of time helping unpack, and if Jeremy was willing to get in trouble for not helping out, Michael would volunteer to help too. He mostly though planned to spend time with his friends and do his art. He hadn't been nearly so into art two years ago. It was more of a hobby than something he was enthusiastic about. Now though, when he wasn't playing video games, he was usually drawing or doing some other art thing. It was something he was passionate about now. He didn't have that before. He had also figured out his sexuality; sure everyone assumed he was gay because of his pride flag, but that was in honor of his moms, who generally preferred the main flag over the separate flags.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Michael did make the best of it all. Two weeks, and he had a lot of fun. Hanging out with Jeremy was weird, but Jeremy was more energetic now and didn't complain as much. Because it was like a switch had been flipped now that he was 'home' or as close to it as he could be, since they couldn't buy their old house back. The new house was actually a little further than the old one, but both Jeremy and Michael could drive so it wasn't as a big a change as it would've been two years ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was finally time for school to start. With Michael taking two AP courses, pre-calc (Jeremy was on the normal math track with algebra two), two art classes, theater, and orchestra, the only class that had any chance of overlapping was US Government. And naturally they had that class last period.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael was pretty relieved, he didn't even have to tell Jeremy he was in AP lit because they didn't have lit the same class period, and same with chemistry. Jeremy was taking a language course, that being French. And two other courses, but it didn't matter that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ultimately, Michael was just glad he had three light classes in the form of theater, 3-D art and advanced drawing to balance out the two AP courses. He'd gotten lucky. It'd be a good year. Once Jeremy settled down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He just hoped the year didn't bring anything too crazy. But with Jeremy's insecurities, and social anxiety, who knew what would happen. Michael really hoped that Jeremy wouldn't give him reason to stop being friends with him because he really hated confrontation. But if things got too bad for Michael, he was going to do what was best for himself.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't think I have anything to add right now... Huh. Well, hope you enjoyed it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Too many things happen in this chapter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Well, School starts, that's fun. Oh what's that? Jeremy has a squip? Michael has several heart to hearts? What else will this chapter bring?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's so long because of the challenge. I would not have this long a chapter otherwise... it's 20k so it's going to be a doozy to read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael stretched as he entered the school. With his mom out of town consulting again, he had the car so he didn't have to worry about budgeting time for the bus or walking. Which was always a good start to the day, not rushing as much as normal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been more than a week since school had started, and it showed in how everyone was settling down after being crazy that first week. As usual. Michael was a little annoyed he shared lunch with Jeremy, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Jeremy was once again complaining about being bullied, and not being cool, but was much easier to redirect now that he was back. And it really didn't help that he had a crush on Christine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael was torn between encouraging Jeremy and protecting Christine from Jeremy's issues. He decided to leave it up to Christine how she wanted to handle it and just encouraged Jeremy to tell her how he felt. Christine was very likely to say no because she didn't know him but that was her choice and Michael would be sure to remind Jeremy of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turned his attention to his first class of the day; Chemistry. So far it wasn't too bad. There was some lab work they needed to do at some point, but the teacher was leaving it up to them aside from some deadlines. Which meant he was going to have to spend a lot of time after school doing those labs before November and hockey practice, and even then he might still have some time after school since hockey practice went by when they could book the ice- which most often was 6-8pm. It wouldn't be until the musical started that he truly couldn't do anything right after school got out. Because practice. But he wouldn't have it any other way. There was almost certainly going to be freaking out about finishing up the labs on time, and he did have to make sure to do some with a partner but at least Jake was in the class so that was that sorted out when he wasn't busy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once AP chemistry was done, it was time to go to theater class. Michael loved his schedule, it had his tough classes broken up. After theater, it would be AP lit, then orchestra, then lunch. A pretty decent morning overall. Theater could be tough, but it was so much more relaxed compared to other classes. And it was far more focused on acting than on the interpretation of the actual plays like English. Any homework was to practice pretty much. There really wasn't much lecturing just, here's some acting tips, now lets try them out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was pretty great. Even if Michael wasn't interested in plays much aside from musicals. He headed straight to the theater after AP chemistry, it was faster that way, and he could stop at his locker after theater class for his Ap lit notebook and books. He flipped his headphones on; he had long ago decided that he might as well make use of his accommodations and use his headphones when he could instead of waiting until he needed them. Using them between classes and before the class started and sometimes even during class work really helped keep him from actually needing them, so it was a good thing he did that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took a seat next to Christine once he arrived. He considered his mood and such before deciding he'd rather strike up a conversation than listen to music right now. He took off the headphones and tapped pause on his phone. Then he turned to Christine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how are you doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pretty good, I love that this class is the second class of the day, it really helps me get through the day. Oh, did you see that the play sign ups went up finally? Are you going to sign up?'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael smiled and shook his head. “Nope. I like musicals more than plays, and my schedule starts getting crazy in the beginning of November when hockey starts, and doesn't die down til the end of March after the musical is over, and if Rich and I do well in speech, maybe not until after the first weekend of April, though speech is far easier to work with than hockey or musical practice... I gotta have time to get the labs for chemistry done. If Jake doesn't go too crazy with his after school activities we should be able to manage it.” He paused, realized he rambled, shook his head, and clarified. “Point is it gets a little crazy managing my mood between November and April, and I don't want to complicate it by adding the play on from now until when it's done, which is usually what, the third week of November? The weekend before Thanksgiving?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Normally, so long as Thanksgiving isn't too early, 'cause sometimes it is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They fell silent and looked up on the stage, sometimes it was easy to get an idea on what the class would be focusing on by checking out what was up there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael frowned. “It looks like a crime scene... is that a fake crime scene tape even?” They both got up to investigate a bit closer, joining about half the small class of sixteen at the stage taking a look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, there's a bloody footprint with a crime scene number. And a bag of money.”</p>
<p><br/>“Probably prop money,” Michael nodded. “And that's a box of files. And... an interrogation room set up? I take it we're doing mystery practice today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guess so.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their teacher so far liked to mix up genres and focus on one genre instead of one type of scene. Which was an interesting approach that could work because there were several things that crossed between genres and weren't exclusive to their genres. So they'd get plenty of practice on different things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wonder if this means we get to practice being bodies today...” Michael mused. He would be perfectly okay with that. They retreated back to their seats, still discussing the possibilities.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael got ready for the class by removing his headphones completely and sticking them in his backpack and getting ready to remove his sweatshirt. It was far better to move around without it while practicing. He had learned that the hard way a long time ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As usual the bell had rung a few minutes ago, but the teacher hadn't started class quite yet. She liked to let them get some speculation out, to exercise their creative minds as that was pretty necessary for acting. Finally she entered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright everyone, let's go, who knows what genre we're covering today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Christine weren't the only ones to raise their hands. She called on neither of them. “Madeline?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mystery.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That is correct. Everyone on the stage, and no jumping.” There were rolled eyes as they headed up the stairs, leaving behind their bags.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We're going to run through a couple of scenes from a more obscure play, but it's not a bad one, and you all will take turns playing the body.” There was some snickering. “Quiet. In theater, and even in tv and movies, playing the body is one of the hardest things you can do. You have to lay or lean or sit in one position, sometimes awkward positions, for anywhere from seconds to minutes, depending on how long the scene with the body runs. No twitching, no making faces or reacting to anything. It is a role of discipline.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now, here are the scripts, I want you to partner up with someone of the opposite gender and run through the first two scenes a few times. I'll come around to help and give tips. Despite the fact that the roles are clearly gendered, do switch it up. Please do not attempt the third scene. We will get to that while practicing the bodies.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Christine exchanged looks quickly grabbing the scripts and taking place away from the rest of the class. They both took some quiet time to read over the script before starting. The first scene was an argument, with raising voices, growing desperation and anger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both had fun with that. Even when Christine 'stabbed' Michael. He looked up at her shocked, and then down and slowly fell over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Very dramatic, five stars,” Tony commented, just to irritated Michael who was committed to playing the part of a body now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stared at her 'bloodstained' hands (as specified in the script) as she backed away from the body. “I'm sorry, she whispered, silent tears rolling down her cheek. “I'm so sorry!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excellent, both of you, you didn't jump right in, you first read the script to get a feel for it.” They jumped as their teacher complemented them. “And committed to the argument, showed real enough emotion, though I noticed you have some trouble with the tears, Christine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Christine blushed. “It's hard to cry on command, but because I'd been acting angry and stuff it made it harder, but I was emotional enough to summon some, a little later than I wanted.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good, self awareness will do you well. Switch roles and go again. You have another ten minutes to perfect the scenes.” The teacher walked off to check on the other groups.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Christine grinned at each other. Michael got up and they switched roles to go through it again. He had a harder time with the tears, for being sensitive, the tears really liked to come when they weren't wanted. But, he felt like he did pretty good on the rest of the scene. They switched a couple of times until they were satisfied, then moved onto the other one. Which was a discussion between two investigators about the evidence and files.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That one was a little harder, because there wasn't much note on the emotions that were supposed to be showing regarding what was going on. But it wasn't impossible. They experimented with some of the different expressions until they settled on some that made the most sense in the context of the scene.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And of course, once the time was up, each pair had to demonstrate one scene twice. Not both at least. Michael and Christine got complements and overall did better than the others. The others didn't exactly have theater experience, it was just an easy course to them. Well, some of the others had theater experience but not enough to make it easy. Nor enough talent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, Michael, did you look at the final scene on that script?” Tony asked. “Because I did, and I'm very interested to see how your teacher wants you to practice that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Don't remind me. I've been trying not to think about it. I don't want to kiss anybody. Even the guys. I'm not super interested.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I know. I'm sure your teacher has a few things up her sleeve on how to make it easier, since I doubt she expects everyone to actually kiss so early on in the class.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">I hope so. It's going to be so weird.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You'll do fine, trust me. You did decently enough last year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Pretending to be interested in women and dancing with them is easier than actually kissing them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You weren't exactly thrilled when it turned out that several of the male roles had to double as dancers for that scene in Havana.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">...shut up. I did it because I sucked it up and did it and it turned out not to be as bad as I fe- You just played one of your therapist tricks on me didn't you?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would I do that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">YES!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, so we're going to have two of you taking turns at playing a body while two others run scene three. We're going to make sure everyone has a chance to run through each at least once this class period, and if there's time we're going to mix it up so you're not doing it in your pairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now, if you read scene three, you will have noticed that there is a kissing scene. Yes, we're going to go through with that. But I know, none of you are comfortable with it. Hardly anyone is comfortable with kissing on stage in high school. There are several different methods to go about it that don't involve actual kissing and we will into those another time. Today we're going to go simple. You'll wear these face masks,” she held them up. They looked like basic medical masks. “And pull them up when it comes time for the kiss. Yes, it's on the lips, and yes it's a lingering kiss. Which means you press your faces together approximately where your lips are, and hold it for more than a count of three... if you want to count, get up to at least fifteen. And look like you mean it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I know some of you are wondering why this scene is in a mystery. Have you ever paid attention to how much romance makes its way into other genres? It's not something you can get away from, and in fact, I'd like you over the next couple of months keep track of how many times you come across a piece of media that doesn't have some element of romance, and how often romance isn't actually a subplot but a passing mention. It's not going to be as many as you expect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now... Christine, Michael, you two will be our bodies this first round. Everyone watch carefully, this is how you have to position yourselves when its your turn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Christine was positioned in a dramatic laying position while Michael was left propped up on the boxes of files with obvious labels like 'evidence' and 'suspects'. It was a very awkward position for him, and he could barely see what was going on, but then it's not really supposed to something he can see.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first pair performed the scene decently well but their kiss was very dramatic and awkward, with a lot of hesitation. There was some nervous giggling and awkward bumping faces until they got it right. They held that position, holding each other close with her hand on his chest then rushed through the rest of the script. And then retreated with bright red faces.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ahem, its your turn to be the bodies.” They sighed and took the place of Christine and Michael.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael stretched out, relieved to be done. It wasn't super hard, but it would be hard if it had lasted too long. He was just happy to be done with that, though he was seriously dreading having to fake kiss Christine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That was funnier than I thought it would be,” Tony laughed. “Oh this is going to be hilarious.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael chose to ignore his squip this time. He instead focused on the next masked pair. They kept the mask on their chin as they bickered, getting closer until he wrapped his arm around her, then once they were finished and had finished their lines (consulting the script of course), then they pulled up their masks, returned to position, lowered their faces to each other and actually connected on the first try. They pulled away possibly a little earlier than they were supposed to, and they were both very red as they pulled the masks down to finish running through the scene.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next pair stepped up as the previous pair settled down to become bodies. Michael didn't bother even snickering at their embarrassment because he knew he would have to do it soon himself. The latest pair did halfway between the two previous, awkward and a couple of misses but not nearly as bad as the first. Those two unmasked with relief after finishing their scene and took their place as bodies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then pair number four stepped up for their scene. That went... okay. Masks on, fumbling kiss, all in all not bad, though their acting suffered being aware that they would have to kiss. They managed to get into the right embrace for it at least. And they had the brightest blush of the whole class this time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pair number five was next, and they were the best by far, their acting was pretty good for a first run through, the kiss didn't actually look super awkward, and they didn't was the bit afterwards. However it was clear once the masks were removed after the kiss they were super embarrassed about it. They still did the best, working through their feelings instead of letting it control them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now Michael was getting nervous. It was nearly his turn. He hoped he didn't mess it up. It was going to be so weird though. He was absolutely not interested in girls, after all. And he didn't think the mask would help any, just make him super self-conscious. He took a few deep breaths and missed the sixth pair. Oh no, just one left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on Mikey, you know the drill, just relax, you'll be fine, you can't put on a worse performance than the rest of them. Your perfectionism won't allow.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">I'm not a perfectionist.</span> Michael grumbled. He looked up in time to see the last pair come into the embrace and one went in for a kiss and the other hesitated so it looked a bit ridiculous until they managed to come into full contact. Once again, they pulled away with a visible blush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael followed Christine, trying to calm his anxiety. He really should be used to this anxiety by now but he really wasn't. It never seemed to get better with the things he was used to, he just got better at ignoring and working through it. And with new things? It got worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They started off the scene, and the bickering went great. He worked well with Christine, and both of them were used to working through stage fright. Then came the moment they had to embrace, Christine with one hand on him to brace herself. They pulled up their masks and went for it. Michael counted in his head, slowly, and once he hit fifteen he pulled away, and they continued the scene with a few minor flubs. The 'kiss' threw them off a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, great job everybody. I see that we only have a couple of minutes left so I'll let you grab your things now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed in relief. He didn't to do that whole mask kissing thing again. It wasn't as bad as he thought, but it was just weird doing that sort of thing for acting and not meaning it. Especially since he had never actually kissed anyone yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Assignment for tomorrow: Take some time to practice sitting in one spot without moving for a minimum of five minutes, without facial expression. I want you all to aim for doing that for five minutes straight in a comfortable position, which means if you twitch, start the timer over. I would also like you all to look into how stage kissing works, find one method people do it besides actually kissing. Though that won't be due until the next time we cover kissing, and tomorrow and maybe even the next few classes are going to be focusing on being bodies.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed again. That was going to be interesting to practice, though his moms weren't going to be home tonight with his mama on night shifts for the next month at least and his mom out of town. So it wasn't like he'd have to explain it to them. Though Jeremy wanted to hang out after school today, and had mentioned something about going to the mall last he checked for some new shoes or something. So that was most of the evening shot. But he could squeeze in some time later. And he likely would get it within five tries, despite his ADHD. He was too used to suppressing the energy to have many issues with it. But then he could be wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He put his headphones on after he got his sweatshirt on and then the backpack was next. He smiled at Christine as she got ready to go too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well that could've been worse,” she commented.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah. It could've been. And now I'm realizing that if I am for the lead role in the musical this year I may end up having to kiss someone. Since the leads almost always end up in a relationship if they're not already in one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, I've kind of thought the same but figured I'd deal with it when it happened and practice and get comfortable with that person, not be thrown into it like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded. “It's just kind of crazy. But it is something anyone serious about theater does need to be prepared for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I know. I hope it goes better next time, no offense but it was weird, the masks actually made it weirder and I know you're not interested it me, or in kissing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael blushed. “Yeah, that's true. That definitely made it weirder. And it's not just I'm not interested in kissing, I've never kissed anyone. I've just been interested in people.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mean guys?” Christine gave him a look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...okay, okay, guys yeah. Is it that obvious?” The bell rang and they were on their way to AP lit, they'd separate to their lockers on their floor then meet up again on their way to the class, somehow this meant Jeremy never realized they were friends because timing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mean aside from the pride flag?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“You do know I have two moms, right? My moms had to find a sperm donor for me to exist. And not many people know the lesbian pride flag, and those that do would wonder why I have it, so I prefer to just keep the pride flag so they know I support the community even if they assume that means I'm gay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. That actually makes a lot more sense than I thought it would. So, you are gay though?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Yeah, figured that out back in freshman year. But everyone assumed before then so I've just never bothered to properly come out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They separated at the hall, going for their lockers to switch out books. Michael did so quickly, already pretty efficient through experience. And it helped he didn't have to double up for classes since they were so nicely spread out between the courses that didn't require extra materials.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Christine met him at the stairs as they headed up. “So that's interesting... why were you clueless before that if you had no reason to suppress it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “On one hand, I did have a crush on my best friend before I got another on a different guy after Jeremy moved, and it was then I realized. On the other, I may actually be a bit asexual? Because I'm not sure I get the whole sexual attraction thing, which says I may not actually be experiencing it as much and just be experiencing romantic feelings.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Think you're sex repulsed then?” Christine asked curiously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I'm not interested in masturbating at least, but I think I'd at least like to try it once even if I might prefer cuddling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I get it.” Christine was silent for a bit before admitting. “I think I'm more gray ace than anything? I do experience some feelings of sexual attraction and wanting to do that with guys and even very very certain types of girls, but the idea of sex and anything down there is... icky. I can barely handle my own periods.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael raised an eyebrow at her. “And that was a little TMI, though I may have started that, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you kind of did. But I don't mind. You're one of my friends. Maybe not best friends, but I don't really have those anyways. Ironically the closest thing is Madeline even though she is my rival in theater.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can live with that. That is why I have your number, right?” Michael nudged her playfully as they made it to the classroom and took their usual paired seats at their table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, yes.” She laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They joked around lightheartedly until class started, then it was serious because AP Lit was serious. Really delving deep into stories and such. While Michael wasn't a huge reader, he did enjoy their first book, so he wasn't about to complain. Plus this was the first teacher who said that it would be better for class discussion if they didn't read ahead, but so long as they kept spoilers out of it they could read ahead if they wanted to. Which was all Michael needed. He had trouble reading just one chapter at a time, so it was nice to just have to remind himself of what the most recent chapters contained and keep to that, following everyone's lead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They hadn't gotten to anything serious beyond reading My Name is Asher Lev, but it was shaping up to be a good class, with fun discussions. Regular lit probably wouldn't have been so fun so he was perfectly content to stay in AP Lit even if the hard analyzing they'd be doing later wasn't his cup of tea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The class was over pretty quickly, and he bid goodbye to Christine. Michael dropped off his books at his locker before heading to orchestra. He already had his headphones on, so he rocked out to his music on the way, feeling his muscles relax as he did so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know you're pretty good at knowing yourself and staying on top of schoolwork now. You have friends, and you can stand up for yourself. Sometimes I'm not sure you even need me around anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael stopped and glared at Tony for interrupting his groove but then walked on normally. <span class="u">I think I'll always need some help. Maybe it's not like I did before, but I do need it, and I'm still dealing with Jeremy. When that's not so much of an issue, maybe I can concede the mental health thing. But you do help me focus at home, and do a good job explaining when I'm struggling so I'm not about to give that up. Nope. No way. Not at all.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay okay, I get it. I will not just leave you alone. I am proud of you though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Thanks. You know, I think you were my first friend after Rich and Jeremy even though you're a supercomputer. Thanks a lot for that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're welcome. I suppose if I were human I would consider you a friend too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">I suppose that's good to know, thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem kid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael rolled his eyes as he got out his viola and started tuning it before grabbing his music folder and sitting down at his chair. They didn't really do seating by skill level so much as whoever was oldest got the better spots. Which was fine by Michael honestly. He didn't mind not having to compete for where he was and what parts he played.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the next forty minutes, he immersed himself in the music. It wasn't good music, they were only on the second week of school for now. But it was still music. And he still had a whole lot of fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once that was over, Michael left through the doors instead of the tunnel to go to 7-11 for his daily slushie. Okay he didn't have it every day, but almost every day so long as he didn't have any extra purchases coming up. And today he had decided on sushi for lunch too instead of a lunch he despised. It was going to be great.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he headed to the lunchroom to meet up with Jeremy for the first time all day. He was enjoying a good song by Bob Marley as he went and made it in near record time as a result. He told Jeremy that he'd gone to 7-11 and that he was listening to Marley, nearly at the end of the song. Then the song ended so he pulled off his headphones and looked at his friend. He frowned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey you look terrible, what's wrong?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeremy groaned and pulled out his backpack. It had the letters “B O Y F” on it. Suddenly Rich cackling earlier made sense and Michael kind of chuckled as he moved his backpack next to Jeremy so that suddenly the two together read “Boyfriends”. Michael couldn't help but take a picture. This was just the sort of prank Rich would want to pull, and Michael did think it was funny even if Rich needed to learn who to prank and who not to.</p>
<p><br/>Jeremy, naturally looked even more annoyed by Michael finding it funny and taking a picture. But then, they had had arguments about whether Rich was a bully or not. Michael was of the opinion that while Rich acted a bit like one, he didn't mean any of it maliciously and therefore wasn't. Being the 'victim' Jeremy didn't agree at all and it was just one thing they agreed to disagree on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael then noticed the perfect thing to distract Jeremy. “Oh, Christine is signing up for the school play.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he got to be amused by Jeremy just being an idiot watching Christine signing up for the play with her dramatic flair, followed by a challenging head tilt to Madeline, who had signed up earlier but basically once lunch started. Then in a move that absolutely surprised Michael, Jeremy actually signed up for the play.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I guess this means we're doing our hanging out later tonight then?” Michael half sighed, but he was secretly pleased, he needed to look closer at the required labs and figure out when to do them. He was perfectly happy to do that today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, sorry dude.”<br/><br/>“Nah, it's cool, I can hang out in my car or something while there's try outs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... right try outs...”<br/><br/>“Cheer up, if there's not a lot of people you'll still get a part. Maybe not a good one but you'll be there and have some of an opportunity to hang out with Christine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay... Okay... A small part wouldn't be that bad. I just don't like being called gay because it's meant in a derogatory way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “Yeah yeah just because I embraced it doesn't mean you have to.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The bell rang. “Well time to get to class.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael waved to Jeremy before heading off to his advanced drawings class. He was pretty happy with the class so far. They were indeed doing advanced techniques. He no longer felt like he was in elementary learning cursive by tracing the cursive letters from a to z. These were the important ones. And sure maybe he already did them, but now he could learn the why and refine them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Today they had the promise of being introduced to their first project of the year. The teacher had wanted to get them started on some techniques and practice those before they got to actually doing a project. Michael was of course listening to music as soon as he got the chance to, and continued listening up until the bell rang. At which point he took his headphones off and started tapping his feet and hands semi-impatiently. After a moment he pulled out a pen so he had something to fiddle with and didn't annoy everyone around him. At times like this when he was excited, his ADHD was a bit harder to control and honestly he wasn't exactly sure he wanted to control it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, listen up.” The teacher stood beside a canvas that was flipped so they couldn't see what it was. “Today we start your first project of the semester. And I need you to understand what I'm looking for. Each time I assign you a project, you're to use the techniques I've given you. Many of these techniques will force you to do subjects you don't like drawing or painting. But I will not be happy if I receive a piece like this.” She turned it around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was an ugly bit of abstract art (though Michael didn't exactly get abstract art). Mostly dark with brown and red, those were the first colors that jumped out at Michael. Then there was the black at the bottom and some... white? Oh, the brown was more of a gold. Maybe a figure on the right? A road? And then another figure on the left? He couldn't tell. There was layers of paint, and it kind of looked poorly done how the paint was visibly chipped away in sections to make straight lines, a dip in the canyon of the thick paint surrounding it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For some reason it kind of reminded him of the scream. He got a closer look at it as the teacher brought it around, and it really didn't look any better close up. There were definitely some techniques in there, but it looked like someone who didn't care did the piece. Even abstract pieces looked better than that. And the paint was just so thick, they probably didn't use acrylic. It didn't get thick like that. Acrylic was better for that reason alone when layers were necessary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I see some of the faces you're making. And believe it or not, some people would call this a work of art. But this is not what this class is for. You will use the techniques I teach you. You will not aim for abstract because it is harder to tell if you're using the technique properly, and I've found abstract is more likely to turn out like that than decent. I would also prefer you use acrylic paint because the paint used on this one? Yeah, it layered heavily, and it comes out very clearly in how they attempted to salvage their work. Don't do it this way. I will not be happy and will dock points for not listening instead of just grading it on merit. Does everyone understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were wide-eyed nods around the room. Michael just couldn't get over the... ugliness. What were they even going for in that painting? It was so ugly and confusing. More confusing than regular abstract art and that was saying something! He shook his head and turned his focus back to the teacher.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">I'm going to be seeing that in my nightmares aren't I?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Almost certainly, be prepared.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The project will be due in a month. Our normal class schedule will be we dedicate every Monday and every other Tuesday, for a total of six classes in a month, to new techniques that will be required on the next project. You may incorporate them in the current ones, but I will not give extra credit. So, you will be working on paintings of angels this time around. I have several depictions of angels- yes even the monstrous ones- between drawings and even pictures of statues. You must pick one or two as inspiration, but the painting can not be an exact copy. I have several copies of each picture, so no fighting over who is allowed to get inspiration to work. You all know where everything is. Get to it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael brightened a bit, shuddered as he walked by the terrible terrible abstract painting he still wasn't convinced showed two people with a road between them and started sifting through the pictures of angels. After a good five minutes of comparing and contrasting and thinking about the techniques he needed to showcase, he nodded and selected two. Then came the hard part. How to draw inspiration from them. And ensure it turned out nothing like the disastrous painting up front. He shuddered again and refocused on the statues.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first one was of a angel standing on clouds with two baby angels at her feet. Well, maybe they weren't necessarily supposed to be babies, it was hard to tell with older things like that. It was a pretty peaceful image, and he liked the idea of big angels and little ones, and angels of all sizes. The big angel was looking very dramatically up, almost worshipful with her hands on her chest. A little lower and... OH! Michael quickly made a note of that idea before returning to focusing on the angel. White robe, blue sash covering? Something like that, the kind of typical style of portraying Jesus and that time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One little angel was a bit darker skinned and had what looked closer to a two piece swimsuit on than anything. That one seemed to be praying in the same direction the older angel was looking. Although on closer look it was actually more cloth just draped in just the right places. Right, because older times didn't always cover that up. And the clothe was a blue, like the sash thing the older angel had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other little angel had cloth covering himself (he felt like it was a boy) that was pink. And he was laying back, hand over his heart and the other holding up the blue sash or whatever of the older angel so it wouldn't cover him. This little angel had curly blond hair. And they all had gold wings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait the bigger one wasn't an angel at all. She maybe was a saint? Like Mary? Michael shook his head. He didn't need to interpret it, just draw inspiration from it, and he did have a few ideas he'd already sketched out based on his observations.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael turned his attention to the other picture, which wasn't as inspirational, but did have two adult angels. Gold wings, though one had a pair that seemed bigger than the other as they went further down their body. Both were praying with that same look of adoration on their face that was commonly seen in Christian art, especially Catholic and Orthodox.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On a closer look, he realized he had it wrong. The angel that was closer and wearing a blue dress and gold accents had gold wings. They were just as big as the other angels, only the second portion was black for some reason. He wondered what kind of symbolism that was supposed to show. And both angels had bare feet but that was super common in art like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second angel actually had silver wings and wore a reddish/pinkish dress with silver highlights. She also had dark brown hair while the first angel had more of a ginger hair color. And despite the general adoration, they both had their eyes closed while praying, which Michael was pretty sure was uncommon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tapped his pencil on the canvas for a moment as an idea began to form and he began to sketch in earnest. A pregnant angel, surrounded by a few small baby like angels, floating on clouds above it all. Below, angels falling while their wings turned black. He wasn't sure he was really aiming for anything, but the idea of a pregnant angel and corrupted angels had really stuck out to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After thinking about it for a bit, he erased and redid some of the sketch so that the pregnant angel was protecting the small angels from angry angels, with just the tips of their feathers turning black. A pure angel was coming in the distance to help. There were only two falling angels, with the implication that the pregnant one had managed to do that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded happily, and added in some more detail before he added a more generic sketch to his canvas. He did another check of the two pictures to get the looks just right, taking bits from each angel to form their faces and hair and even wings. Before he could finish the sketch, unfortunately, the bell rang. He sighed in disappointment and put the pictures in his little art cubby that everyone who had a class had. Then he put the canvas up with the others, after ensuring that his name was on the back. He was relieved to see that only a couple of the class of ten had started on paints. The rest just had pencil lines. Good, that meant he was on track. He didn't mind working at his own pace but he wanted to keep up and not fall too far behind. Which meant staying in the middle of the pack if he could and paying attention so he could take his work home to do some so as to make up for lost time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But now it was time for pre-calc. Which meant thinking. A different kind of thinking than creative, and he needed a bit of a break from creative thinking. Logical thinking was just the thing he needed. He headed to the class and sat down next to Rich and greeted his friend cheerfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They talked a little until class started. Mostly inconsequential things, though Rich did bring up some concerns about how Jeremy was adapting to everything. “Does he even realize we're friends?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I haven't outright told him, but he should have figured it out by now. What with how much I've defended you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dang dude, how much more oblivious can he be?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't know, I'm just glad he signed up for the play. That'll give me some wiggle room with Jake for chemistry so long as he doesn't get too involved in activities.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...like the play? He was talking about the play. And archery too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael groaned. “Well, I guess maybe if we come up with a schedule and do lab after either of those, maybe the teacher will be willing to stay a couple times a week that late. I'll talk to him, I'll talk to him,” he added at Rich's look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. I don't need to hear any drama about my friends that they can solve on their own.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Riiight. That's why you complained to me about Chloe. And Brooke. After you dated both of them for a week each.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...oh shut up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before they could continue the conversation, class started. Thus far it was mostly review, though it remained to be seen how difficult the class would become. Michael was looking forward to the challenge. With the help Tony had been giving him, math, already a strong point of his, became the easiest class he could have despite how difficult it could be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The class went well, they were finishing up the review of the previous year which meant it was about time to start on something new. Michael was eager and ready to go for that, but for now, he was off to his 3-D art class. Which was pretty promising in terms of the different types of art they could be doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he put his headphones on and said good bye to Rich and headed off to U.S. Government. Which was not a fun class at all. They knew enough about how the government worked, they didn't need more lectures. But then again some people did struggle to understand basic things about the government so maybe it was for the best there was such a class.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He entered the class, enjoying his music. It was nice to take the break and just listen to music sometimes. And if it gave Jeremy a false sense of security that Michael was the same? Who cared. Michael wasn't even doing it on purpose before this class. He needed the peace and quiet the music brought him to prepare to spend a class with Jeremy. Plus, even if he had a lot of good classes this year, it was the end of the school day which was always when his control started slipping. It was better to try to ward it off with more music ahead of time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat next to Jeremy, who actually seemed a bit more antsy than normal. Probably just about done with the day too. And maybe his anxiety was getting to him? With the play and all. Plus he was getting even more restless about being cool as the days went on...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shook his head and kept listening to his music til class started, then flipped the headphones off and greeted Jeremy, who seemed pretty happy to talk to him. The teacher decided today was a lecture day. Wonderful. It meant they didn't have to do much, but a lecture at the very end of the school was brutal. Everyone was just counting down the clock at that point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was very confused when the map was pulled down but then that became apparent soon enough. It was a lecture about early government. Complete with early map. Michael groaned quietly as it got more boring.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Can't she make this more interesting?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Probably not, though I agree that there are ways to make this more interesting. Like imagining the founding fathers pouring over an old map pointing out things as they made the decisions on how the government was to be formed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">That would be cool.</span> Michael sighed. <span class="u">Not that she would actually think of it.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally though, just went the class was about to go nuts with impatience, the bell rang. Everyone exploded out of the classroom like it was Friday (it was Thursday) as the teacher frantically tried to give them their assignments for the night. Only about half the class heard her. Michael, barely catching it, decided to do the work while waiting for Jeremy once he had finished doing the overview of the chemistry labs. Be good to get on her good side early when half the class didn't do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A thought occurred to him and he pulled out his phone. <em>Hey Christi can you do me a favor?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What is it?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Jeremy signed up for the school play. He's pretty nervous. Can you help him out, making him at ease?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll do what I can but that friend of yours has issues.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why does everyone know this? Ugh, whatever, I'm well aware and I'm trying my best to help him but he just wants to be cool and get a date.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. So he does have a crush on me.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>...sorry</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll try to let him down easy, if he's a reasonable guy he'll accept it, if not I really don't want to be around him.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fair, fair. I get it. Honestly I'm not sure how much more I can take this anyways. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, ouch, that must be rough. He was your first friend, wasn't?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah. Well, I'll live, I guess. Not sure he will though.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I know. I'll help him out a bit. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Thanks.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>No problem.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael put away his phone. Well that was one thing off he didn't have to worry about anymore. Christine could handle Jeremy for play rehearsal and maybe he would actually show off his good side and start making friends with her. Meanwhile, Michael decided to focus on his work and go take care of the chemistry labs prelim stuff he needed to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He got the overview packet, took pictures and sent it to Jake. He wrote up some thoughts on how to work out their schedules so that they do prep and reports separate and the lab work together then sent it, knowing Jake would have some ideas of his own. Michael didn't care too much so long as it was done by the time he tried out for the musical- which still hadn't been announced yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he went and hung out by the car, listening to music and getting started on the U.S. Government assignment. Finally, Jeremy came out, he looked around the almost empty parking lot with confusion. Michael frowned then sighed and waved him over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, dude, this isn't your car. This is a Toyota.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're right, it isn't. It's my mom's Toyota corolla or whatever. I don't have a car, and since mom is out of town, I get full use of this one rather than mama's PT cruiser. Which, yes I do prefer, but that one I can only get when Mama is off or working nights.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. I thought...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, you really think my parents would buy new cars in the last two years?” Michael got in the car and started it up. “Your house or mine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Better be mine, I haven't exactly asked my dad about the trip to the mall yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...seriously dude? I know he doesn't do things the way you like but he's your dad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well your moms are there whenever you need them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael took a deep breath. And then another, and then another. “Not always when I need them, sometimes I need mama more than mom, and vice versa, and Mama sometimes works for a whole week straight because she's their best trauma surgeon. And that's twelve hour shifts usually. Sometimes she has to stay at the hospital because she's doing a goofy schedule where she only gets eight hours between shifts, and she's pretty much always on call. She actually had to go in on my birthday this year because of that. My mom is a consultant, she's often gone for a whole week nearly every month, some times she's gone for a whole month on the harder cases.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good job, standing up for yourself,” Tony said softly from the back seat. “You need to do that sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But they always know what's best for you and they don't even impose restrictions, they let you have weed even!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you know that, I never mentioned that to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... I heard it from Dustin 'cause he thought I'd be interested since I'm your friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, typical. Too eager, a bit like Christine that way, which makes sense, they're cousins. I don't get much weed, and I don't smoke often. I only smoke it when I've been having trouble with anxiety. My mom's are not aware because I've kept it from them. They would prefer I try medicine and resort to weed if the medicine doesn't work and there are quite a few to try. But we've never found a good therapist, and I'd need a psychiatrist for that, so I'm not very interested in that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You... keep secrets from them?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You've really built up an idealist idea of my family in your head that your dad can never live up to huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't think he understands that, you don't normally word things like that.” Tony always the one to have to point things out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Don't particularly care right now thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My moms have always done their best. We have enforced family time every Sunday, where we spend the afternoon in the living room together. Sometimes we might go out to eat, with this old fashioned diner being our favorite, and sometimes we don't. I don't think you would appreciate it if your father tried that, now would you? My moms also require no phones and no tv at the dinner table unless I'm home alone. The only background noise acceptable is music and it must be on the speakers. I know you text through dinner. You would hate to have our house rules.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And that's without getting into having a foster kids sometimes. Usually for at least a month to two months, we even had one for six months last year. And because they're straight from the hospital, I'm never a priority. It's not fun, it's not ideal. I don't always like having to share especially when I have a crisis. But I also recognize that for those kids, they need that parental love and support. They need someone to take care of their healing injuries. It's not always about me anyways. And besides, you're different than me so what's acceptable to you isn't always acceptable to me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have no idea of what it is actually like to me and I have no idea what its like to be you. I've heard so many tales of abuse, some of these kids thought they didn't have it that bad because they weren't getting broken bones. Because they weren't getting beaten, just neglected. You seem to have the opposite problem. Just... He's your dad, okay, you should really give him more of a chance to be there for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He's not trying hard enough. He's not doing anything right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you actually telling him what you need? And are they actually reasonable things? Oh, and by the way, I've heard my moms, both of them, giving your dad advice ever since your mom left, so you're actually dissing some of that too, and that shows he has been trying if he's getting advice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh. You always have to be so reasonable and optimistic. Why can't you just understand! He won't even put his pants on some days!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, at least he puts them on at all. You know he was depressed after your mom left him, and I'm pretty sure she hadn't exactly been nice to him before she left.”</p>
<p><br/>“...Never mind. I don't know why I bother. You will never understand me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Well, he's got that right. I just don't get how he can diss his dad so much. Like, going around the house without pants is something some adults do, because they can and they feel comfortable doing it. He's been depressed, has been getting therapy and he has more good days than bad days now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony sighed. “Yes, I know. I don't think Jeremy has it in him to be empathetic with all the struggles he's been through. And I think the move was the best thing for his father, because it sounds like his father would otherwise be stuck in a rut and never wearing pants. And Jeremy is wrong, you do have an understanding. It just wars with your view of the world and your knowledge of mental health. I wonder how his therapists handles this... resistance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Probably treads lightly which is why Jeremy is still so much in denial and so focused on his own problems.</span> Michael replied bitterly as he pulled up to Jeremy's new house. <span class="u">It might not even be the wrong approach but I have no idea how he's supposed to get out of this well of self-pity without a real push. And unfortunately it might be me who has to make it...</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Now, I believe you need to hang out with Jeremy now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael half-sighed as he followed Jeremy inside. “How was play practice anyways?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was... pretty good... until Jake started flirting with Christine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh. Didn't know he was interested in her, he only just broke up with Madeline... days ago? After he found out that she purposefully lost at pool so she could have sex with him. He takes his games very seriously. Even if it meant he can't have sex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you even know that?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“I pay attention to the gossip,” Michael deadpanned. Though he had also been treated to a play by play every single day that Jake had been dating Madeline in chemistry. So long as Jake humored him at other times, he put up with it. Jake and Rich were his friends after all even if he didn't get what the big idea about sex was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh.” Jeremy though didn't think any deeper than Michael paying attention, which was annoying on its own, but also relieving at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They settled in to play Apocalypse of the Damned. Thankfully they had never lost their rhythm of working together, which mirrored how they were friends before Jeremy moved. From Jeremy's commentary, he didn't realize that the dynamic had changed at all. As Michael realized from Jeremy's own commentary on the game as they worked their way through the levels steadily. Finally they made it to level 9, it wasn't the last level of the game, but it was the furthest either of them had managed to get on their own. Not that Michael had put too much effort into it, as he had been collecting retro games and played those with Rich, so that took up a lot of his time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They enjoyed their attempt at level nine, calling out enemies to each other until Jeremy's dad tried to get their attention. Jeremy grumbled a bit and Michael was admittedly a little upset about pausing. Michael then awkwardly sat on the couch while overhearing Jeremy and his dad talking. It was admittedly an awkward conversation. Michael could see (hear) why Jeremy was upset though he could also tell that Jeremy's dad was treading lightly and no wonder, he lost his wife when she walked out on him and then nearly lost his son to suicide before a full year had passed. It was even closer to 7 months later. And he was carefully trying to talk to Jeremy, to find out what's going on. Only for Jeremy to shut him out. Michael winced. He really didn't understand the point of trying to shut out parents who were trying even if they weren't good at it. It wasn't like Rich's dad. Or Jake's parents. Michael shook his head and considered that maybe he wasn't good at empathizing with Jeremy anymore because he was so jaded about what Jeremy had to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeremy grumbled as he flopped back on the couch, then suddenly he brightened. “Oh yeah, I forgot to bring it up earlier. I was feeling a bit upset and was in the bathroom and then Rich came in and told me about this thing... what was it, quick? Wait no, Squip! He said he used to be super lame and not have a girlfriend or anything but his squip helped him be cool and start getting girls! It sounds too good to be true! He said he can give me one for $400!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael almost laughed about the comment about Rich not having a girlfriend (he hadn't even been interested back then other than a thing that people who weren't losers did), but his heart was sinking quite a bit. Because... A squip? Jeremy? That was not a good combination, not with how desperate he was to fit in and be cool and date Christine. Or sometimes date at all. He took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? I'm surprised he told you about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah me too! But maybe if I get one he'll stop bullying me and stuff. He did mention where he got his so I think I'm going to go there instead though just in case its not for real.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good idea, Rich loves his conspiracy theories. A lot of people at school wouldn't trust anything he says 'cause they can't tell if he's lying or not.” <span class="u">This isn't going to end well is it?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No it's not, and I'm concerned by the fact Rich had already acquired at least one Squip to offer someone. That's might be a sign that his squip is going to aim towards world domination now, starting with high school. Though I thought his squip had meddled enough to avoid that...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael sighed, glancing at Jeremy. <span class="u">Not if his insecurities started coming into play again, what with Jeremy being back... I'm not even trying to ignore him, I'm trying to balance things, but I'm not sure I'm doing a good job.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That is true. And it is possible he knew Jeremy wouldn't want to accept without talking to you, giving him time to acquire one, he could just be trying to help you out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Despite knowing the dangers of underground squips?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We shall just have to see what happens, but we'll keep a closer eye on him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeremy was still talking a bit, practically with stars in his eyes, about how wonderful it would be to have a computer helping him make the right decisions. Because he never seemed to make the right ones ever. Michael was listening with a half an ear as he and Tony discussed what possibilities might happen. Then suddenly Jeremy stopped, as if realizing that Michael really wasn't listening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, Michael, you know you're my favorite person, right? And... we'll always be a team, no matter what comes of this. I just... I just dream of a better life, an easier life.”</p>
<p><br/>Michael half smiled. “Awww, I'm really your favowite pewson?” <span class="u">A little concerned that he doesn't think I don't dream of a better and easier life...</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeremy shrugged and shoved him. “Well high school's horrible, and you're helping me conquer it, 'cause it's like a two player game!” He picked up his controller. “Let's try to get through the rest of this game.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded. He took a couple of deep breaths as he played, automatically calling out enemies and such thanks to years of practice of playing games with other people. He knew what was coming next. Jeremy would say they should go to the mall so he could get his shoes and the squip and then... who knew what would happen with Jeremy's goals in life. They really weren't good ones to get a good experience out of a squip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They finally died, just a few steps from completing the level. He groaned while Jeremy was a bit more verbally upset. Michael was still a bit floored by Jeremy's insistence about the squip. He probably should've seen it coming after how hard Rich was trying to treat Jeremy like a friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He plastered on a big smile. “Well, you better pick out your shoes first, don't want to get too distracted by the new Squip once you get it.”</p>
<p><br/>“Oh, yeah, that's true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They said goodbye to Jeremy's dad, and that Jeremy would get food at the food court. Michael just shrugged at Jeremy's dad and gave him an apologetic look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quick trip later, and they were at the mall. Michael fell silent. He wasn't in the mood for talking. Jeremy didn't notice at all. Probably because Michael being silent in places with crowds was never anything unusual to him. Even if it was actually unusual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael distracted himself from what was going on by taking a look at the shops, seeing that fancy red cape/cloak once again, still on sale for Halloween, which was coming steadily closer. He considered that it wouldn't be a bad costume, maybe he could make it work. Yeah, he'd buy it later and wear it for Halloween. Everyone would get a kick out of it. He briefly stopped to check out the fancy watches. He did kind of want to be able to afford a good watch, but those fancy ones with the confusing extra circles showing things beside the time were not on the list of ones he'd be interested in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oy, Michael, come on!” Jeremy tapped his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael jumped and turned to follow. “Sorry, just lost in thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um... Just wondering how things would look if this mall became abandoned, like there's actual plants here,” he pointed to overlapping rectangular planters that took up a good amount of space as decoration. There were rocks and some fake plants aside from the actual ones. Probably to cut down on plant maintenance. “Those might die or get overrun... or grow bigger then die.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow dude, you think about really strange things sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael forced a laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, he really doesn't know you well because I'm pretty sure even Brooke would be able to tell that you made that up on the spot and that you don't normally think that much about doomsday scenarios,” Tony commented with disgust. “If he continues like this, he's not worth keeping around because now you're stressing a whole lot more. It's not worth it to keep tearing yourself down to build him up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">I know... I'm just worried about the Squip situation. Like, there's more and more reports in the database of people needing to cover up Squip related incidents. They upped their distribution to adults just to make it easier!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I'm the one who told you. And you still occasionally search for information on Squips too, even dropping in on forums to ask questions about them. You really like to hoard the information. You've searched the word 'squip' so much google predicts that you're going to search that 9/10 especially if the letter 's' is first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Information that's given me an idea of what to expect with Rich, and now apparently Jeremy! A couple people have even told me that relatives went crazy trying to get them out or had relatives who got suspiciously <em>better</em> overnight who later went crazy and killed themselves. Sometimes the relatives know and sometime they don't. I don't like Rich or Jeremy's chances right now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, and that's why you'll stick with Jeremy for now. Though I am heavily advising against it if this pattern of behavior persists or gets worse with the squip.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Fine. I'll still try to help him out but I won't necessarily do it as a friend at that point, happy?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ecstatic.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael tuned back in enough to help Jeremy pick out a good style of shoes. Which thankfully didn't take too long. Then Jeremy bought the Squip and they left the store (after making sure the shoes were paid for). They went to the food court for food.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ended up going for different food. Michael went for Five Guys while Jeremy went for Panda. Jeremy got a mountain dew and after eating about half his food, he took the squip with it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael looked down, pretending he didn't notice. He knew it could be anywhere from instantaneous to taking up to ten minutes. He didn't want to witness the first few minutes. He glanced down at his phone and saw an excuse.</p>
<p><br/>“My guy got a shipment of Crystal Pepsi in, I'm going to go get it before anyone else gets there.” He shoved the rest of his burger in his mouth, grabbed the Five Guys bag and pop and nearly ran out of there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He slowed down a little once he turned the corner. He finished that last couple of bites of burger and started working the fries- the real reason he wanted Five Guys. He took a deep breath to steady himself as he got his special pop. Which he almost ran out to the car immediately so he had it safe and didn't have to answer questions on where he got that pop if people saw it. Once that was done with, he returned to munching fries as he headed for the food court. He checked for messages, and quickly responded to a few from his friends. But there was none from Jeremy. He shrugged it off, he was nearly at the food court anyways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And... the was no Jeremy in the food court. He stopped dead and looked around in utter confusion. Weird... And still no messages. He tapped out a quick text asking Jeremy where he was and letting him know he was sitting down to finish his fries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took his time eating the fries and sipping his drink, enjoying his music as he scrolled through some fanfics. By the time he finished, more than fifteen minutes had passed. And still, nothing from Jeremy. It was after 7pm, Michael actually wanted to be going home soon. So he had a couple of hours to relax before bed. He sighed and stood up. He threw away his trash and shot off another text to Jeremy, giving him an update on where he was. He was going to buy that Halloween costume. He was pretty happy that no one from school was around; he wanted the costume to be a surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After he paid for it and walked out with it in a big black bag, he got a text on his phone. To his disappointment, it was just Chloe. But... there was something about it... He opened up the text.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Your friend is a terrible liar. Theres no way he ever dated Madeline unless she cheated on Jake and I may not like her for taking Jake but she's not a cheater. He seemed to be trying to be 'cool' it was kindof weird. Brooke fell for it and is driving him home.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. Well then. That's not what I expected from today. He took off and didn't tell me where he meant. I knew his desperation was going to come to a head some day. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>He is kind of cute, and if he gets more confident he wouldn't be a bad catch.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, I know. You shouldn't let the fact he seems more interested in Brooke than you get in the way of your friendship with Brooke. I know how your mind works. Besides, last I heard, he still had a crush on someone else.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>So he's using us?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I don't know. I just wanted to give you some facts. I have no clue of what's going through his mind, and I'm not as close as he thought I was. I don't know him nearly as well as I did before he moved, and that gap just seems to be getting bigger.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. I'm still not happy about it. But as long as Brooke doesnt abandone me I guess I can be nice to them.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>That's all i”m getting isn't it?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Yep. And it's only because youre' a pretty great friend. I wish you were availabel sometimes</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>...Ican do platonic dates but thats it.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>OOOOoooh really? If I dont' have a dayt for Jakes Halloween party will you be mine?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>...That's over amonth a way but sure. So long as we don some otherhtingsto gether first.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>That soundsdoable! ...wait a minute. Brooke was my ride.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I can meet you by the food court entrance, that's where I parked.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh thank you so muhc@! How could I ever repay you?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>No needto be dramatic. Just try not to be too obnoxious about our 'dates'</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Ookie dokie!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael smiled a bit as he hurried over to the food court entrance. There was always something with his friends, and at times like this he didn't mind. Without Chloe's text he probably would've waited another hour or maybe until the store closed to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't have to wait too long for her. She had a couple of bags but it didn't look like she went as shopping crazy as she normally did. She smiled when she spotted him and hurried over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm so glad you were still here! I really didn't want to have to ask my parents for a ride.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem. This way.” He gestured and started walking. She hurried so she walking next to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you buy anyways?” she asked curiously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now that is a surprise. And I'll tell you closer to Halloween. So we can coordinate. But only if we're still dates.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You drive such a hard bargain,” she complained, but didn't look too put out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I had to learn to not let people walk all over me, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Both you and Rich always use that against me,” she whined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aw, it's because we appreciated the lesson.” Michael wrapped an arm around her. “And because somehow you're the most demanding of our friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Shut up. No, I'm not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael raised an eyebrow at her. “You tend to have demands. Everyone else has requests, usually.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...fine fine, you may be right. Can we stop by...” she paused and shook her head, “...Dairy Queen on our way to my house? I am craving some ice cream right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“After the day today was... Ice cream sounds pretty great.” They piled their bags in the backseat and got in the front.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How was your day?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, it wasn't too bad. Aside from practice kissing in theater class. We had to wear masks and actually kiss someone with just that as a barrier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. Wow. Who did you have to kiss?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Christine. It could've been worse but...” he shuddered. “I've never kissed anyone before so it was kind of stressful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, Christine is better than a bunch of girls taking theater for an easy class.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don't remind me. OH. And then later we got our first project in advanced drawing techniques, though really it's kind of drawing and painting techniques, and to make a point the teacher showed us this hideous abstract piece that I'm not even sure was meant to be abstract and the paint wasn't even distributed well and....” He shuddered. “I'm going to be seeing that in my nightmares now. I'm not looking forward to that either. And then I spent the rest of the period staring at angel statue pictures and picking out details for inspiration only to realize I was getting some of the details wrong. Finally I got a decent sketch going but then class was over before I could finish. And then there was more Jeremy whining today, he signed up for the play so I had to wait for him after school and then we hung out at his house. And you know, his dad actually does care and really try, but I think Jeremy is still stuck with a terrible idea of him after that first year before his... break down and I think maybe even his mom had made some bad comments about his dad because he just refuses to see that his dad is trying and that maybe he can cut him some slack.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh man, that's so rough. Like the drawings I don't really get it but I respect that you have standards but really his dad tries and he doesn't... ugh. I'd love for my parents to try. They gave up on me when they realized how much I am into fashion as if that completely defines me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded. “Maybe dyeing your hair will get their attention,” he suggested. “And I don't really want to play the compare parents game. I'm mostly irritated by that because I know his dad is taking advice from my moms, some of the things that Jeremy hates are things my moms have done with me. He's never questioned the no phones at dinner rule regardless of if he's eating dinner with us or not, yet as soon as that rule is imposed on him by his father, it's the end of the world.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yikes. That's... rough. And so hypocritical, he sees your moms as good parents so whatever they do is just fine but as soon as his dad tries it... wow. I don't know what to say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Neither do I anymore, to be honest.” They pulled up to Dairy Queen. Michael after a moment pulled into a parking space and parked. “Let's enjoy our ice cream here and talk? We don't actually talk much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ooh like a first 'date'? That sounds great!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, let's go.” Michael got out of the car as she got out the other side. “What are you getting?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I haven't figured it out yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah. I think I'm going to get a medium or large Reeses, I'm in the mood for the salty peanut butter and sweet ice cream combination. The nice thing about buying the larger sizes is if you don't finish, you can freeze them for later.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oooh yeah that's a good idea. Then I think I'm going to get the large Butterfinger.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nice.” Michael grinned and then they went in to order. They waited silently for their blizzards and then, once they had them, they sat down. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chloe shrugged. “I don't know. What do you like? I don't think I ever got the full picture.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I like art, and I know you like my art. I can't believe you love that purple eclipse one so much. I kind of want to redo that one better. Anyways, I'm trying clay and stained glass next semester to see if I like either of those. If I do, then I'll add that to the list of potential things to do for money after high school. Other than art, I really enjoy musicals and music in general, though I'm not fond of choir. I enjoy math, seriously if you need help I can probably help, and I'm interested in psychology. Outside of school, and doing art, mostly I spend time playing video games, some retro some new.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? I guess I never thought you'd be interested in that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Before Rich and I became friends, it was my main lifeline. Heck we actually bonded over them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, my mom thought I'd be interested in the switch, and is getting me one and a game of my choice for my birthday next week. Since I might as well make the best of it, any video game suggestions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have any idea on what types of games you like or are you a complete newbie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well... I like some of the mobile ones, the ones that offer more than just doing the same thing over and over again for better scores. Like Candy Crush is okay because there's different levels. I tried out farmville, that seemed interesting but it's kind of one that people don't play anymore... And my cousins made me try Sonic Mania, that wasn't bad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm... Okay top suggestions then: Stardew valley, too bad the new Animal Crossing game doesn't come out until March, you might like let's go Eevee or Pikachu, it's a decent introduction to pokemon games, and maybe a Mario game if you want to try that. Or Sonic Mania is always an option too, if you enjoyed that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh... okay. I'll... check those out then make a decision then. Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem. I have a lot of video game knowledge because it's fun to do. What do you like aside from fashion?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um. Well, I actually like my younger sisters and trying to hang out with them even if none of them are nearly as 'girly' as me. I love my family in general, even if my parents gave up on me. I enjoy watching crime shows, and trying to guess who the suspect is, and that's got me interested in forensic science and psychology, well profiling really. I don't really like sports aside from swimming, but my parents didn't to pay the fee for swimming, so I couldn't join the team. Sports are tough, I'm not built for running or working out or anything. I kind of like plays, that's why I convinced Brooke to sign up with the play with me, and it's just too bad Jenna joined us... Why do you like her anyways?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “Because gossiping is her way of getting noticed. And she doesn't actually share everything she knows ever. She's never spread rumors about me for one. Have you ever noticed that any gossip she has for you is exactly what you'd like to know and primed in a way you'd like the most? Madeline isn't French, you're right, but she moved her from Canada. From Quebec, where like ¾ of the population speaks French as their native language. That accent isn't fake. She just is tired of the drama and never feels the need to correct anyone because people think Canada and don't think 'oh yeah the French did settle Canada first.'”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And why did Jenna not share this?”</p>
<p><br/>“How would you have taken it from Jenna? And Madeline wasn't comfortable with people being ignorant and chose to try to suppress her accent instead. I don't think she thought anyone would actually listen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Ugh, you're right I wouldn't have listened to Jenna. Do I really only listen to people if they say what I want to hear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sometimes, yeah. It's a bit uncomfortable. But you generally listen if it's me, Rich or Jake. But no one else in the class.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Suddenly why people are afraid to approach me and go for Brooke makes a lot more sense.” She shoveled a huge spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it would. But you could always work to change your reputation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh, I don't know if I can do that. Changing attitudes is hard work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But will it hold up in college? Better to work on it now than for it to become a problem in college when you're supposed to be an adult.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you somehow always the most logical of us despite being the most creative and carefree of us?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because...” Michael sighed. “Huh, I don't think this has come up yet. I am autistic. And I have ADHD and anxiety. A lot of the things ya'll have noticed about me comes from that. In order to keep myself from freaking out daily, I balance it with optimism and trying to think of ways things will go right. I spend so much time trying to stay away from bad ADHD habits like rambling and working through my feelings that sometimes I just end up being logical because I'm used to that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. I'm sorry, I never realized....”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael waved her off while finishing off his latest bite. “Nah, it's fine. I never said anything. I admittedly usually do when I'm starting to make friends because I know I can be off-putting but you and Brooke were my friends before I knew it.”<br/><br/>“Wait! Jenna knows?! And Rich and Jake?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again, I became friends with Rich first, and by extension Jake, and I am usually pretty open about these things. Jenna is a friend I became friends with more naturally so I told her the truth pretty early on before I knew she doesn't gossip about everyone. Mostly I didn't care if anyone else knew the truth but she didn't share it so that was a nice surprise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Oh.” Chloe sighed and considered things. “I owe some people an apology huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only if you want to and the apologies are sincere.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah... you're right. I'll... think about it.” Chloe considered things further. “...is it wrong that even knowing Jeremy is pretty messed up that I'd still like to be with him? He's super cute, and could actually be really sexy if he wore the right clothes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm not sure it's wrong so long as you know what you'd be getting into, though it would be wrong to just use him for sex, which by the way I can't really relate to stuff about that 'cause while I'm definitely gay I do lean more towards asexual. So I don't really relate to wanting sex with someone despite knowing they're a bad person 'cause I'm not really interested in that right now.” He paused. “This is about sex, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, it is... It's so stupid, I'm so jealous of Brooke, like the moment Jeremy actually starts seeming like he could look really really good under that.... geekiness, and then he goes right for Brooke. And it's probably because I'm controlling and don't like to hear anything I don't want to and now I want him more because Brooke has him and Brooke never gets the guys I want before I can get to them, and she never messes with them afterwards. Ugh, I'm a mess.” She pushed her half eaten blizzard away from her and dropped her head to the table with a groan. Michael took one last bite of his before deciding that yeah, he could definitely save the rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He moved to sit next to Chloe and wrapped an arm around her. “Everyone's a mess in high school. What's important is you recognize when you're being a shitty person and work to change it. And your feelings are valid. Don't diss them as unimportant. Because regardless of how irrational they are? They are your feelings. You wouldn't be feeling them if they weren't real and valid. You know where things become an issue? When you act poorly on those feelings. Like when someone gets violent out of anger. So don't say your feelings are the problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you know?” she mumbled. He was barely able to make it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He chuckled. “Anxiety, autism and ADHD remember? I have a triple whammy of ridiculous feelings. Like, I wear this sweatshirt because its super soft and comfortable and I hate breaking in new sweatshirts. When I was really little, Jeremy used to break them in for me until I could stand the feeling. And now my moms do too. I could possibly handle it but it makes me more easily overwhelmed and anxious to wear something I find uncomfortable. I'm anxious about the stupidest of things. Like, I start walking down the stairs and I'm struck with the fear of randomly tripping and tumbling all the way down. Or I'm anxious about a normal conversation with friends I talk to all the freaking time. And then the ADHD which causes emotional dysregulation. I've always had more trouble regulating my emotions. In other people with ADHD, that sometimes appears as a temper. I just have more trouble than I should when I start getting overwhelmed. Oh and sometimes I feel stupidly rejected from the slightest negative comment. Like when Jake was kind of casual about our chemistry labs this semester earlier. Or when teachers give me criticism. Sometimes I've cried, and its awful. I can't control my feelings or my crying but I can control my actions- I can accept criticisms, I can take steps to contain myself when I'm getting overwhelmed, with the last ditch effort of going somewhere to calm down on my own if all else fails. So I get it. Maybe not in the same way, but I get it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did I know that you're such a sweet and sensitive guy and not just someone who does musicals and hockey?” Chloe demanded as she looked up. “We need to do more of these platonic dates.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well if it helps you, why not?” Michael shrugged. He was pretty pleased to get the chance to get to know Chloe better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hugged him. “Great. You may or may not end up as a replacement for Brooke while I wrap my head around this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “So long as you're prepared for weird hangouts at my house and my moms.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't think I know much about your moms...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, well my mom is a lawyer who's really good, she's like the top lawyer at her firm, so she only takes the most high profile cases and otherwise spends a lot of time consulting with people all over the US with their difficult cases, which also can mean a lot of travel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh wow she sounds amazing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, she is. Mama is the top trauma surgeon at our hospital. She gets the best shifts if she wants them, but she likes to rotate so that the younger doctors have a chance to have a normal schedule. And she's on call a lot. Sometimes when she's not on call if there's a bad accident or a fire or something they might call her in anyways if they want the best chance to ensure their survival.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. Wow. Are your moms around a lot then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not as much as when I was a kid, I'm lucky they didn't have as much of a reputation back then. And I'm old enough to understand. They do drop everything if I need it, so I try not to need it. I don't want to cause problems with them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah. That makes sense. I can't wait to meet them. Why haven't I met them yet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think you went to a different showing of the musical last year and you always sat with other students at the hockey games.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...oh yeah that makes sense... we should probably head out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh right.” They grabbed their blizzards and headed out to the car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The conversation was more light after that, and they were laughing pretty hard when Michael pulled up to Chloe's house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, platonic date, want me to walk you up to the front door?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh sure, it'll give my parents something new to think about at least instead of the same old things.” They got out and Michael half laughed when she moved in closer to him and put her arm around his waist. He put his arm around her shoulders. It was a half laugh because the other half noise a startled squeak. At the door she turned and gave him a hug. Then she pulled him away and looked him up and down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why do you have to be both gay and asexual?” she grumbled. “Well, good night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good night, see ya at school tomorrow.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chloe groaned but then smiled and waved. Michael waved back, waited a beat to make sure she made it inside, then walked back out to his car. He was blushing. He's not interested in girls or anything but that was pretty much a compliment from Chloe- seeing as she implied she'd love to date him seriously if he was interested. Which... wow. He wasn't expecting that of all things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He drove home and discovered he had less than an hour before bed, but it was worth it. He collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he ran over what happened, and sat upright when he remembered Jeremy. He checked his phone. Still no response. He groaned. Tony sat down next to him</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'd give you advice, but there's no telling what's going on with his Squip. It's base coding would've been affected immediately. And despite having an unlimited database, we do rely a lot on our hosts' perception of those around us to make decisions. If you perceived someone completely random as the top dog of your year, and wanted to be cool, all my decisions would be made around that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That... doesn't sound good. But you're right, we won't know what that means til morning... and I have a little bit of homework to do. Including five minutes of being a body... which I'll start now. Wake me in five minutes if I fall asleep so I can do the rest of my homework please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael worked on his homework diligently, with help of course, until it was time for bed. He quickly ran through his routine, including his nightly shower. Once that was complete, he settled in for bed. He had a brief flashback to art class and seriously hoped he would never see that awful painting ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael enjoyed the peace and quiet of his morning. Things went well. Theater was hilarious since instead of doing the mask kissing thing again, they were playing a game with being bodies. Everyone would be on stage doing random things, acting out random scenes, and then as soon as the teacher told them to, they had to stop what they were doing and become a body, right there, in awkward positions. Then people would be eliminated for twitching and the goal was to last the longest. Michael managed it once, Christine twice, and a couple of other people did too. Oftentimes the ones who won did so because they got lucky and a good position.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, Michael made it to lunch. And Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. That was odd, but then Michael hadn't seen Jeremy all day, even in passing. Maybe he skipped? Michael shrugged and went to sit with Rich instead, enjoying his slushie as he walked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich greeted him happily and they ignored their squips synching up, too used to it to really care now. They chatted a bit then there was a lull in the conversation. Rich heaved a sigh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry, I should've consulted you before telling Jeremy about the squip”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shrugged. “It's fine. I'm a bit relieved he's not my responsibility anymore.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Haha, yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that's concerning...” Tony drawled. “It seems that because of Jeremy's view of you, his squip determined that you are not 'cool' and turned on optic nerve blocking. If you do encounter him, he's not going to see you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael blinked. Then shook his head. <span class="u">How did Rich's squip know that?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, we squips do communicate a good bit of information, and it seems Rich's squip brought you up, and did not get the chance to say you have a squip, so it's not likely we'll ever sync up with Jeremy's squip.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Eh, fine by me. I can live with that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I just thought you'd want to be in the loop considering you sit next to him in your next class. Oh, and he's on his way over. With Brooke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael looked up and sighed. “Well this is going to be interesting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, right? Dude has no idea what he got into.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Most definitely not.” Michael laughed. Then he moved over so Chloe could sit down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He shares like every class I have with Brooke, they've been thick as thieves all day,” she whined. “I can't take it anymore. She's ignoring me.” Michael patted her back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There there, at least she's not your only friend. And you do recall the stages of high school dating right?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“Oh yeah, first stage is puppy love, do everything together,” Rich spoke up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And then there's problems and they go back to semi normal just with dating. And then eventually they realize they're too different or have too many problems or whatever and break up,” Chloe said in a monotone. “I know, I know. I just... Brooke's never been like this with any guy before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, how many guys had eyes on you first?” Michael pointed out. “She's probably always felt like second best, and this time she's not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Must you always play devil's advocate? Especially when I'm wallowing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, sorry, a bit of a bad habit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sighed. “No, no, it's fine, you wouldn't be you without it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They all greeted Brooke and Jeremy when the two sat down. Michael pretended he didn't notice that Jeremy was ignoring him. Which was a weird change but whatever. And it wasn't even on purpose. They did have some good conversations, though Rich kept looking between Michael and Jeremy worriedly. Michael continued to pretend not to notice that Jeremy was 'ignoring' anything he said, though both Chloe and Brooke did notice. Brooke seemed concerned but wanted to be loyal to her potential boyfriend (no one was sure they were actually dating yet.).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But eventually lunch was over and it was time to go back to class. Michael quite happily went to art, though he briefly paused in horror when he realized the teacher had left the painting out. He shuddered and quickly got out his materials so he could focus on his work. That was his favorite thing about art classes. When they had projects they could just get started, no waiting for instruction every day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He managed to start painting by the time the class started. He spent some time trying to decide on the exact shades he wanted though, which lost him some time, but at least he got started. There were a couple who were still finalizing their sketches. Michael was just happy with his sketch and how it was already starting to look. He didn't have much paint down, just some base paint layers, mostly because he didn't want to start anything too complicated with only ten minutes left in the class. It was good enough, and that was enough for him. Now he just had to plan ahead so he didn't spend too much more time making color decisions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The weirdest part of the day was definitely going to U.S. Government and discovering that Jeremy indeed could not see him. It was kind of funny, he stood right in front of him, and he had no reaction. Michael then shrugged and settled into listening for the class. It might even be easier without Jeremy whispering to him all the time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After school was where it got weird though. Jeremy had been talking to Brooke but then looked a bit disturbed and upset. He walked inside. Michael was walking by, planning on catching Jake to actually talk about the chemistry labs because the lack of a solid plan was driving him crazy with anxiety.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh Michael! I haven't seen you all day!” Jeremy waved excitedly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael decided not to let on he knew how squips worked. His must be deactivated or something. “You do realize we sit right next to each other in US Government right? Now you want to talk to me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you talking about? I have-” he cut himself off and then stood there. His expression changing every so often.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael snorted. <span class="u">He's so not subtle. I'm guessing he reactivated the squip to ask.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Most likely. I expect the Squip is laying out his reasoning and setting it up for Jeremy to make the decision himself this time.” Tony put his hand on Michael's shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Honestly, I don't care. Because I'm pretty sure as long as I act like myself, he's going to want to follow the squip's orders so...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jeremy? What are you doing? You're just standing there making faces at noth- Wait did it work? I totally missed it last night didn't I? What's it like? Is it helping with your anxiety?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not bad, laying it on a little thick, and not really lying either, good job.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jeremy froze. “I already know what it's like to be the loser...” he said quietly, then walked right by Michael back outside to Brook.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow. Not even a good bye...” Michael shook his head. He was admittedly more amused than anything, but it also kind of hurt to see Jeremy walking away from him like that. He had wanted nothing more than to be able to help Jeremy and had done his best to help Jeremy to his own detriment but it wasn't enough for Jeremy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know you would've been the one walking away if this hadn't happened.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">I know.</span> Michael started walking quickly. <span class="u">But I still wanted to hold out as long as possible.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You would've hit a complete breakdown before you decided that it was enough. Before your moms and friends begged you to stop trying for your own health. And seeing you break down like that would only have hurt Jeremy worse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Harsh... but... You're right, I was being very stubborn on this. I just... I wanted to be able to do one good thing with my life, to help someone in need and yet... I'm doing great, but I'm stagnating. I'm content with the friends I have, I'm happy with my classes, but I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. I feel like I'm just waiting for my life to begin and it won't begin until I'm in college. I don't like that feeling. Helping Jeremy got me out of that rut even a little.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony changed forms into Aragorn. “I hope you realize how much you have changed people for the better.” They were walking along to play rehearsal to try to catch Jake there, might as well since Jeremy wouldn't see him. “Rich would have written those words on your backpacks yesterday as a prank without your influence. He wouldn't have a consistent safe place to stay if it weren't for you. Jake's parents would never let him stay more than once a week, but your moms have allowed days in a row when he's had a bad time. And they allow it during the week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're friends with Jenna, she wouldn't really have any friends without you. And you defend her, something no one wants to do because all they see is the gossip, not the secret keeping that goes on with her. You even explained it to Chloe last night, at the right time, and she understood. She was nicer to Jenna today, even. You have helped Brooke be more confident and to break away even a little from Chloe before Jeremy was in the picture. You helped Chloe a lot just last night and got her thinking about herself. Jake has someone who is willing to humor his over eager puppy like tendencies and rein him in for class. You are the balance everyone you're friends with needed. Except for Jeremy. He's at that stage of mental illness where there's nothing you can do if he's not willing to help himself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">...Thanks. You're right... I've done my best with him, and I've been able to help others...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And your life isn't going anywhere yet, but that's okay, like when Aragorn spent the first twenty years of his life in Rivendell before going out and making an identity for himself. You're a teenager, you're supposed to be learning and growing, and starting to mature, and that's what you're doing. Honestly sometimes you're too mature, you're more mature than Merry and Pippin even though you're younger than them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Pippin was 29, and coming of age for hobbits was 33.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, depends on what your argument for coming of age is for humans then. Is it 18? Or is it 21? Because Merry and Pippin seem more like 21 and 18 than say 18 and 16, and Pippin is definitely not as young as 14.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">...ugh. Fine. You're right. Pippin is older than me technically. Even if he's somehow very immature.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, please, even 21 year olds are still pretty foolish, and a lot of them don't even fully mature until 25. You're ahead of your peers right now, though be careful, you might feel like you're behind them in college because they might seem more mature because they have their responsibilities together and are able to handle them just fine but you'll struggle.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">...Right. Thanks. Great pep talk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, you wanted a pep talk, I should've done Sam then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">...never mind, I'm good.</span> Michael had spotted Jake and managed to convince him to talk briefly. They thankfully were able to come to an agreement on splitting up the lab work and when to meet up after school Michael then apologized to Christine for interrupting their conversation and left to go home and relax.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The weeks flew by after that. His moms' schedules changed week by week, sometimes his mama was working days and sometimes nights, and sometimes she wasn't working her usual long hours. His mom was in and out of home because of a really tough case she was consulting on and was trying to minimize the amount of time she spent away from home, and even with that it would probably be a month. She left half way through October so that she would be back in time for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael was thriving again. He hadn't realize how much worrying about Jeremy had dragged him down. And he had decided not to worry too much about the squip for now. Jeremy had made his choice. Michael was going to try to let him live it. And it was super freeing. Even all those texting conversations had been dragging him down for the last two years and he had never even noticed, but he sure noticed the difference now. It was amazing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like a part of his brain had been freed up and he was able to focus more, and better process his emotions. He'd even managed to make some headway in meditation. Something he'd wanted to pick up because between the ADHD and the anxiety, he had a hard time living in the moment and he wanted to learn to. His attitude had a major difference and all his friends noticed, they all seemed much happier about it too. Brooke continued to be enamored with Jeremy, and didn't notice that Jeremy's attempts at cool or his perception of it was making everyone uncomfortable. They often chose to sit at a table with Michael (who'd had enough of the awkward conversations with Jeremy 'ignoring' him) instead of with Jeremy and Brooke, not that the two noticed too much. Brooke was really good at keeping Jeremy distracted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As time passed, he noticed that Rich seemed more and more strained, though no matter how many times Rich was over, even for days at a time, he couldn't get Rich to open up. Which made him suspect it had something to do with the squip. So he did his best to help, and started researching what were people's breaking points with their squips. He found some horror stories. He found some mild stories. He found several where the breaking point involved people at least attempting to kill themselves to get rid of it. And some succeeded. It was more than he'd found when he'd looked in the past now that he was serious about it. His search history looked awful and he had to clear it out more than once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After more than a month and moving onto different projects in both his art classes, and continuing to traverse the different genres in theater in a way that seemed random, it was Halloween. He and Chloe were still on as platonic dates so he let her in on his plan for Halloween. She was pretty happy to get in on it because it was a fun costume idea. He laughed a bit at her excitement when he picked her up, but inwardly his stomach was churning. He was super anxious and he had no idea why.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You feel like things are about to come to a head since this is a school party which includes alcohol, Rich, and Jeremy in a single house. I'm not about to watch you keep twisting yourself in knots when you don't even know why. And you're not wrong, something could easily happen tonight, but we'll have to see what happens.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Right, thanks. That's actually what I needed to hear.</span> The source of the anxiety identified, Michael was able to relax, to breathe and to put the feelings aside to deal with when he had time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. While Chloe was the wolf in grandma's clothing. She didn't make it a revealing costume, though it definitely wasn't a full body suit or anything either. They spent some time having fun, though Michael declined the alcohol, stating that it gave him migraines sometimes. Which... wasn't wrong? But he was more concerned about deactivating Tony, which was always a more disconcerting experience than being drunk and not one he wanted to experience any time soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They talked and danced and mingled. Things seemed to be going great. Michael noticed Chloe going for another drink and half sighed, she was on her way to drunk. He tapped her shoulder. “Might want to consider that being the last one. Anyways, I'm going to the bathroom.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Awww but I don't wanna be done drinking. Don't be gone too long!” Chloe waved then drank like have the cup in one go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael shook his head and decided to take a little extra time. He didn't want to rush back down since the crowds were getting overwhelming. He felt like he was safe going to the upstairs bathroom (there was still a downstairs bathroom available after all). He locked the door and sat down in relief at the dimming of the sound. Which then dimmed further thanks to Tony.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh, I always forget how hard parties are to do more than an hour maybe two at a time. Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do so well at any other time, it's hard to remember your weaknesses. How are you feeling now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Less like my head is swimming in cotton, and like a migraine is going to come on regardless of what I do. Good thing I brought some painkillers.” Michael stood up and took those before sitting down again and taking some deep breaths. “Okay, five more minutes then I better go make sure Chloe isn't getting into trouble.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only if the pain is fading and you can fully think straight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the end of five minutes, it was, and he could. So he stood up and opened the door only for Jeremy to run smack into him. “Whoa, calm down, deep breaths,” Michael coached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Surprisingly, it worked. Jeremy looked up when he calmed down. “What are you doing here... in that red cloak?”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“I had an invite,” Michael stated flatly. “You're talking to me, is the squip allowing it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um, Chloe was going pretty nuts and she was really drunk and she gave me some alcohol to turn it off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah. Alcohol keeps squips from working properly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What would you know about it,” Jeremy asked defensively. “There's nothing on the internet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only if you use the wrong words in the search engine, including squip and what it stands for. And there are plenty of people willing to talk about how they went nuts with it controlling their every move, how many have tried to kill themselves, and some even succeeded. Someone messaged me and told me his brother wasn't doing well in school, suddenly started getting good grades, and ended up at Harvard. He then went crazy, the official story is the pressure got to him. But really? He went crazy getting the squip out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that's fine. I don't want to get mine out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael eyed him, then shrugged. “Okay, fine. Can't tell you how to run your life.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? That's all you got loser? I thought you had more fight in you. You certainly fought to keep dragging me down with you,” Jeremy sneered. “Now out of my way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael moved, speechless. That was some low blows. He had nearly ruined his own life trying to keep Jeremy alive and Jeremy thought he was just dragging him down? He had always done the right thing, right? Why was his throat closing up? He couldn't breathe. What did he do to deserve such vitriol from his former best friend? He had always always done his best but it was never ever enough for Jeremy who wasn't content with being a loser. Michael had never known how to deal with it and now it was too much and he couldn't breathe and he was sobbing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you don't start attempting to calm down, I will take over so you don't pass out,” Tony announced, his voice just a touch worried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door burst open; he had never locked it after Michael left. He was on the floor now, gasping for air. Jenna rushed in for the toilet, only to freeze when she saw Michael. Abandoning her need, she immediately got down on the floor with him and moved him so he was in a better position to breathe. Every single one of his friends had to talk him through hyperventilating at least once; it wasn't always a panic attack, sometimes it was just a manifestation of his meltdown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on Michael. Breathe, in one two three four. Out one two three four. In.” She continued like that in a soothing voice until his breathing was steady. “You good now, honey? If I go to the toilet, will you be okay?” He nodded silently as he hugged his knees to his chest. “Okay, don't look.”</p>
<p><br/>Some noise, a flush of the toilet, the running of water... and she was sitting down next to Michael. “Do you want to tell me what that was about?”</p>
<p><br/>“Jeremy... He called me a loser... said I was always dragging him down...” Michael buried his face in his arms, trying to stave off more tears. “I didn't know he thought of me like that... I... I've always done my best to help him. He handled the move so much worse than me, and after... well after what happened in the spring months after the move both me and his dad were super worried and I tried even harder after that and even my moms were worried but it was so hard to be his friend, trying to figure out what to say because I could never figure out the right thing and and... it's just so much easier with you and everyone else, you're all willing to listen to my advice or tell me why you don't think it'd work. You at least think about it enough for that. Jeremy doesn't... He either lets me tell him what I think and then says nothing leaving me thinking maybe it was okay or he like... gets mad at me for not getting it and I just... I can't take it anymore.” He was sobbing, but he didn't care. Jenna was running her hands through his hair and trying to be comforting. He slowly leaned on her.</p>
<p><br/>“I'm sorry you have to deal with all that... that was a lot to deal with. You shouldn't have had to. You're too young to have an entire person's self esteem, let alone mental health on your shoulders. We've all seen your attempts to cheer him up but we could all tell that you were so tired of it and honestly, I was so relieved when he stopped talking to you. I'm just... surprised that's actually what he thinks of you. We all thought he just decided that he wanted to do it on his own and was determined to ignore you... this, this is so much worse. I'm sorry honey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael let out a couple more sobs. “Thanks. He was a huge part of my life and I always knew I might have to walk away at some point... I never dreamed that it would actually be him that actually walked away. This... this isn't what I wanted at all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, I know. You want everyone to be their best and to be happy. And you always do a great job of that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both fell silent. Even Tony was silent, which was unusual in the wake of a meltdown like that. Several minutes later they both got up to clean up a little bit. Michael was very subdued as he straightened out the cloak and splashed some water on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for helping me.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>“No problem, you're my friend. Of course I'd help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled slightly. “I think I better collect Chloe and leave, it sounds like she got a bit too drunk.” Jenna laughed a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She looked like it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They opened the door. Just in time for Rich to rush past. “Why does no one have Mountain Dew Red!” He darted into the master bedroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no...” Michael whispered. He didn't have enough energy for this. <span class="u">Why did he snap today of all days?</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did he have a can of gasoline in his hand...?” Jenna asked in confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael froze. “Oh shit. JAKE!” He yelled. “Get your ass up here!” He rushed for the door. “Dammit, I knew he was going to lose it one of these days.” The smell of smoke started coming from behind the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is there anything I should do?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go to the bathroom and dump all towels into the tub and get them wet, that'll help us protect against the fire.” Michael ordered, banging on the door. “Rich you better open the door!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rich opened the door. He... looked crazed, manic even, his eyes flickering between normal and blue. He had a wet bundle of cloth in one hand and a lighter in the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rich... You don't have to do this, I have Mountain Dew Red at home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... it's too late,” Rich shook his head. “She'll just stop me... I'm stuck on this path now.” He lit the cloth on fire and tossed it down at the rest of the party.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“EVERYONE GET OUT! FIRE!” Michael yelled desperately. “FIRE!” He turned back to Rich, but the door was closed, and locked already. Michael took off his cloak and kicked it to the side. It would only make things harder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jake joined them, looking very pale. “What... What's going on?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rich lost it, he's trying to kill himself.” Michael explained, before trying to break down the door. Jenna came out with several wet towels, one already wrapped around herself. She wordlessly gave Jake and Michael a total of three, which still left her with quite a few.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm going to try to help everyone downstairs,” she said, voice shaking as she looked at the stairs where the flames were already trying to sneak up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good idea, we'll try to save Rich.” Michael nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If we hit the door on three, we should be able to manage it.” <br/><br/>Michael looked at Jake and nodded. “Ready when you are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“3... 2... 1!” They both rushed the door and nearly collided with each other. The door creaked and broke a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again!” They ran at it again, and this time it gave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stopped dead and started coughing. Fire was already all over the room. Rich was sitting on the bed, no longer manic, but pleading. He'd realized that he didn't want to die after all. But fire was all around him, and starting to burn him...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael took a deep, careful breath and looked around at the fire, and how close it was to Jake and himself. He looked at Jake, who seemed just as lost and terrified. He tried to figure out a way that involved minimal injuries but couldn't think of anything. He sighed. <span class="u">A little help please? We don't have much time, any time we waste means more fire.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are going to have to rush the bed and drop the towel on Rich, then drag him out of the room. Jumping out any of those windows will only lead to terrible injuries, you have a far greater chance of escaping with minimal injuries another way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael nodded. “Come on, we're just going to have to rush him, we'll lower the towels to block out most of the fire.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jake took a deep breath. Then coughed. The smoke was super thick. “You're right.” He did as Michael said, and took off. Michael blink and chased him over there. Rich was now on fire, and crying. Michael was pretty sure he was crying too. He tossed the wet but drying towel over Rich to pat out the burns. All of the towels were starting to dry from the heat... they would hopefully get them out of the room but that was it. Rich seemed pretty catatonic, so they pulled him from the bed and wrapped the towel around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We find another exit, I don't want to jump from these windows.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Right that would be a dumb thing to do huh...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were thinking about that-” Michael started coughing and gave up on talking, choosing to communicate by walking and pulling Rich along. Jake got the point. They left the room, but by then, the banister on the side of the hallway overlooking the living room was all on fire, and the fire was creeping up the stairs. He couldn't tell how widespread the fire was in the living room, there was so much smoke. But it looked like there was no fire at the end of the hallway, and if he recalled correctly, one of the bedrooms down there had a window that came out over the covered patio in the backyard. That was better than nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jake followed him without a word and they made it into the bedroom. It looked like it was Jake's own bedroom. He looked a bit pained at the sight of his possessions, though Michael knew most of it was with his aunts since legally they were his guardians and he lived there, he just liked being home sometimes. They hurried over to the window.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh dammit,” Jake cursed once he got the window open and popped out the screen. “The patio's on fire, but I don't think we have a choice... Who's going to be better at catching Rich?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You I think.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jake gave him a look then sighed and dropped the towel before jumping out the window. He winced at the landing, the fire was making him uneasy, but it was safe enough for now. “Okay, I'm ready!” he called up. <br/><br/></p>
<p>Michael swallowed and carefully manovouered Rich out the window. Then he pushed. There was a grunt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“GOT HIM, wait a minute, gotta get clear so you can jump.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael waited, and poked his head out to be sure. Once he saw they were clear, he jumped. There was a sickening crack as the patio gave out and they all went down. Michael harder than Rich and Jake. He felt like there were a lot of splinters stuck in him or something but he struggled to his feet and over to where Jake was pulling Rich free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let's... Let's get clear.” Michael said hoarsely as he helped Jake out and they rushed down the few steps of the patio and towards the street. They made it a good twenty feet clear before Michael stumbled, lightheaded from all the smoke. Jake looked at him and Rich worriedly then looked at the street, they were close enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They came to a stop and lowered Rich down. Michael sat down and tried to take deep breaths but was only seeing spots. Jake wasn't much better, not that Michael could tell. Then... all went black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry about any spelling errors, I kind of rushed through at some points, and at others i seriously struggled. And yet there were parts I did have writing. Like Chloe and the platonic dates? Not in the plan, and I nearly wrote myself into a corner with that scene because I wanted the Halloween party to be similar. </p>
<p>I have reasons for my choices, so if you have questions ask away.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Recovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michael wakes up in the ambulance</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah, most of the medical stuff is pretty generic and guessing on how it works.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was sounds, lots of sounds, and bright lights... He was laying down and something was on his face. He coughed and reached for it.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy there kid, what's your name?”</p><p> </p><p>It took too long for the question to process. “Mi-ichael Mell.” He coughed again.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, any parents that we can contact.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mama... Dr. Mell... she's...at … hospital.” Yet another cough, his lungs were really rebelling.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyone else?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shook his head. “Mom's... out of... town...”</p><p> </p><p>“Any allergies?”</p><p> </p><p>“L-latex. Um, penicillin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. We need you to stay awake now, to make sure you're okay, can you try to do that for us?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded slowly. “What about-” He had the worst coughing fit yet.</p><p> </p><p>“The other two kids?” Michael nodded. “They're in different ambulances, you'll all be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael relaxed at that, though now that the initial panic and adrenaline rush was gone, he was registering a lot of pain. He let out a whimper of pain and closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Michael,” Tony said softly. “You did good. You have an oxygen mask on because you inhaled a lot of smoke. You did get really burned, and you're going to need a new pair of glasses, you lost them when the patio roof broke. You did get hit by a lot of wood, and the landing overall wasn't kind to you- I'm detecting a lot of pain in your left arm, left side, and left leg, which you landed on. There are other isolated areas of pain that may or not be burns.”</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">Thanks.</span> Michael replied, a little relieved. The paramedic seemed more concerned with making sure he was stable than knowing what was wrong with him. He opened his eyes at prompting because apparently he wasn't supposed to close them. Since he was supposed to stay awake.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, let dispatch know there will be a problem with getting a hold of this kid's parents, one of them is out of town and the other is a doctor at the hospital- a Dr. Mell.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it, will do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay kid, I need you to relax, we're nearly to the hospital, they'll rush to do some x-rays to see if there's any broken bones, and then they might rush you to surgery depending on what they think of your burns and cuts and that wood, along with the x-rays. At least those x-rays are now instantaneous.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded slowly. Tony repeated it in a way that made more sense. Which made Michael feel better, though the pain spiked again, and his lungs were screaming in protest from all the coughing and probably the smoke too. He felt tears come to his eyes at how much it hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it's just two more minutes, okay? Once they have a plan, they'll put you on painkillers.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded again.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” Tony apologized. “I could damp the pain but I don't think that's a good idea right now.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I get it... I just... I just want my moms. That was terrifying, and I hadn't even recovered from my panic attack... I'm not even sure I'm thinking clearly yet!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I get it. Everything is just too much right now. You will be okay though. I promise. And for still recovering from a panic attack you did really well. You reached Rich before he could get a fully body burn, if you and Jenna hadn't come out of the bathroom right then, it would've been far worse. No one would've realized what Rich was doing until the fire hit the living room floor without your intervention.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">...thanks... but I think I'm going to need to hear that again, I'm all light headed and I can't think...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I'm here for you.” Tony moved and grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it, careful to leave the hand looking normal.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, here we are, brace yourself kid, we're going to be moving quickly here.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded, and winced a little at the impact of the gurney on the ground before they were moving quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Now we're going to transfer you to a hospital bed, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself. It hurt but the bed was a bit more comfortable. They readjusted the oxygen mask and then started wheeling him through the emergency room.</p><p> </p><p>“Michael!” The nurses looked pretty startled as one of their doctors charged for the patient.</p><p> </p><p>“Mama...” Michael reached for her, but winced and dropped his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh honey,” she wrapped her arms around him carefully. “I already called mom, she's going to try to get home asap. I'm going to make sure the hospital has an up to date file for you and then I have to return to work, okay? You'll be in good hands.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded, feeling like a little kid as he kept an eye on her as he was wheeled into an emergency room while they got everything figured out, he wasn't the only one who needed the x-ray anyways. She was very crisp and clear when explaining what would be on his file and answering any questions the nurse had.</p><p> </p><p>Once she was done she gave Michael a kiss on the forehead. “I'm so sorry honey, this has been a bad night for trauma, I have to do a lot of surgeries, but I'll be here in the morning, I'm not going to leave your side once my shift is over, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded weakly. “Love you mama.”</p><p> </p><p>“Love you too sweetheart.” She turned to the nurse. “Take care of him, please.” And then she left.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Michael was it?” He nodded. “It looks like your slot for the x-ray is coming up, so we'll get you over there.”</p><p> </p><p>Time passed in a blur. He was getting the x-rays done, and it was pretty dang uncomfortable. Then a doctor was meeting with him to check out the injuries and come up with a game plan, and then it turned out that surgery would be necessary to ensure minimum problems with what wood was stuck in him on his left side.</p><p> </p><p>Michael was of course put under, and then once he was in recovery, he was woken up and they made sure he was lucid before wheeling to his hospital room. By that point it was near 5 am and he was finally allowed to properly sleep. So sleep he did.</p><p> </p><p>He was woken up at 10am to ensure everything was fine and to get accompanied to the bathroom. And, his mama was there. He then was given some breakfast. He wasn't entirely sure about eating, but he picked at it and made an attempt.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Michael, I heard the report... I'm so proud of you for saving Rich. Jake was lucid enough to give a report last night, plus I think Jenna had given one too,” she added at his confusion. “The police will want to see you when you're up to it, for your side, okay?” he nodded. “Your left arm is broken, it was a clean break so it shouldn't take long to heal. I know you were looking forward to hockey this year, you should still be able to play. They had to remove a big chunk of wood from your side, with surgery, just in case there was damage they couldn't see on the tests. There doesn't seem to be any damage to organs, but it did go pretty deep so it'll be sore for a while. Your left ankle is sprained, and on top of all of that, the worst burns seem to be on your left side, some of them third degree, but no other burns are second degree. And the rest are all over your body, unfortunately. And they want you to stay here for several days because of the smoke inhalation, to ensure that your lungs are recovering properly and they didn't miss anything. And it'll take a few weeks before you're back to normal, but the important thing is that you're going to be alright.” She leaned over and hugged him. “Oh, I was so scared when they paged me that you were coming in on the ambulance...” She was almost crying.</p><p> </p><p>“I was scared too... I nearly froze up but Rich... Rich needed me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, and you're a hero for that. Rich will be okay, he has more third degree burns than you do but it could've been far, far worse. He won't need to spend more than a week or two or here, versus a month or more. Jake's okay too, he's got sprained ankles from that fall you took, and he strained some of his muscles, but he'll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Michael whispered, crying now, letting it all out. They clung to each other for a while before she pulled away.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm taking time off until Mom can get here. She's having trouble wrapping things up so abruptly, and hasn't even been able to begin to look for a flight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it was a tough case, right? I guess it makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“She wants to call later when she's free, if that's okay.”<br/><br/>Michael brightened. “That'd be brilliant.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a groan from the other bed. “What hit me...” Rich mumbled groggily.</p><p> </p><p>Mama hurried over while Michael watched worriedly. She soothed him, told him the gist of what happened, hit the call button for him, and let him know a bit of what he was facing. He fell silent and looked pretty upset, placing a hand on his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Rich, you wanted Mountain Dew Red, right? Would it help if you could have even a small sip of that?” Michael called hoarsely; apparently his vocal cords had really suffered too.</p><p><br/>Rich nodded slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Mama, I got that at home, in the usual place I put my special pop.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, when I run home later, I'll grab it then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.”<br/><br/></p><p>A nurse came in and started walking Rich through everything. Mama retreated to Michael's side but kept an eye on the situation just in case. Rich answered cautiously to all the questions about his medical history, and didn't seem too happy to be informed that due to the circumstances they would be giving him a therapist, and if his father continued to be unreachable, he would be assigned a social worker.</p><p> </p><p>But eventually after double checking everything, he was left alone. He was quiet for a bit. Then he looked over at Michael.</p><p> </p><p>“How... how did I survive?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Jake and I broke down the door and used a wet towel to put the flames out on you before dragging you across the house and we jumped out onto the patio roof. Not sure how you survived beyond that though, you were unconscious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh... Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“You're welcome. Are you feeling okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I... I don't know how to feel right now, honestly...”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Is his squip active or did it deactivate because of the fire?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“It deactivated because of the danger but will reactivate eventually, getting him the Mountain Dew Red will be best now,” Tony told him.</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">Okay, thanks.</span> “Yeah, I get that feeling. Does it hurt a lot?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah... we're going to miss out on hockey this year aren't we?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. We might heal enough by January to play, though.”<br/><br/></p><p>“I'm sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's okay, it was my choice to go after you.”</p><p> </p><p>“But...”<br/><br/>Michael shook his head. “It's okay. I made my choice and I don't regret it at all. I'm just glad we both still have a chance at sports, and we'll be recovered enough for speech practice.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich smiled slightly. “Oh, yeah that's true. Hey, any idea on what you want to do for that this year anyways? I like doing humor but drama could be interesting too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or a combination of both,” Michael nodded. “I was wondering if we could use some movie scripts or something, I know people don't use those often, but that's because it's much harder to pull off, I think we could, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, depends on what the coaches say... They may not agree.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah... I was thinking Lord of the Rings with Frodo, Sam, and Gollum as my top choice for movie scripts but I did have a few ideas otherwise,” Michael told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, as long as we have an idea!” Rich smiled slightly.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>The next few days passed slowly, with Michael's mom continuing to try to get home but hitting a lot of road blocks. His Mama, as promised, did not work. She didn't question the relief on Rich's face when he drank the Mountain Dew Red, a very minimal amount because she didn't want to harm his healing process. She tried to cheer them up, sometimes by being ridiculous, sometimes by telling them stories of her past.</p><p> </p><p>The clear favorite was when she came in with a photo album that Michael had not seen before. It was of her parents, back in the 70s. Complete with vans decorated, hippie style, one of them said “pretty odd” which seemed to fit them. There were several pictures of her as a baby and toddler since she was born in '75. Including one of her sitting in the drivers seat, looking proud of herself.</p><p> </p><p>They laughed over the fashion of the time. Especially a kind of weird picture of her mom in those hippie pants at an old arcade game. It was just ridiculous. They flipped through, and eventually came across a picture of an ugly yellow van because her dad, Michael's grandpa, had started his own company at one point. Which was pretty cool, even if it only lasted ten years.</p><p> </p><p>There was so much more than that, and it didn't matter much because it accomplished the goal. The two teens were cheered up and their minds taken off of how miserable they felt. And what they had to look forward to with recovery and even some physical therapy.</p><p> </p><p>They did get to move around a bit, but not much changed over the first few days aside from recovering their strength. Until Rich had to talk to first the social worker about his father, which did not sound like it went super well. Michael knew that his mama had already put in with the social worker that she'd be willing to foster and had passed over all the notes. It was obvious when she passed the file over, but Michael pretended not to notice.</p><p> </p><p>After that, the therapist walked in. Michael frowned as Tony eyed the therapist then sighed and... <span class="u">Oh, the therapist has a squip?</span></p><p> </p><p>“Yep. I decided that it would be best to give a heads up about Rich so that they can bring it up and he doesn't have to worry so much.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I hope that helps him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“It should. He won't like it at first though.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Probably not...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>Michael grabbed his phone to check his texts. After seeing Jenna's texts about what she told people and how the rumors were spreading, he tried to stay on top of it. If only so he could prepare Rich for what they would be facing when they returned to school. He spent a good amount of time going back and forth with her about that, the play, and how she was feeling after everything. They'd already been over his feelings enough. They also talked about Jeremy a little bit. Even after what happened with Chloe they were still together. It seemed that Chloe may have admitted to trying to convince Jeremy and not actually doing anything because he was resistant which did damage their friendship but left the relationship between Jeremy and Brooke in tact. Jeremy didn't always seem happy though.</p><p> </p><p>That was all they talked about with Jeremy though, because Michael was tired of talking about him. They talked about classes a bit. Eventually they got back around to rumors and Michael assured her that Rich would be okay, same with Jake, who would be getting out the same time as he did.</p><p> </p><p>Then the therapy session was done and the therapist looked at Michael as she walked out. “I would like to speak with you too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Okay. When?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have about thirty minutes, if you don't mind. I just want to clarify some things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>The therapist took a seat. Michael was relieved that his mama had gone home while the social worker was there to take a shower. He took a breath to steady himself and waited for the questions.</p><p> </p><p>“You have no concerns about your squip?”</p><p> </p><p>“None. He said he patched him up, hasn't really pushed me into things aside from outside my comfort zone when I'm up for it...” Michael shrugged. “I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Have you told your parents?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. If I got it now, I'd most likely do so? But I was 14 and dumb so... And... I was worried about how they'd react after Tony, um, since he appears as Tony Stark most of the time I just call him that, told me about the squips and adults and black market stuff.”<br/><br/>“And why were you afraid of losing yo-Tony?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael looked away. “We had never had good luck with therapists before, so I thought it was my best chance. Most therapists hate that my moms are lesbians or just have biases that really didn't help. And with my autism, and the ADHD and the anxiety they didn't always know what to do with me. The last time I saw a therapist was just so I could get accommodations and that guy wasn't convinced I actually need my headphones to cut down on noise or to calm down...”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I see. Do you mind if I talk to one of your moms about the squip so you don't have to?”</p><p> </p><p>“...that would be nice. I've wondered if I should tell them... And now I just don't know how.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's understandable. I actually do mostly outpatient care, and I would like to see if you could make a few appointments to make sure you're on the right track.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “If my moms think its a good idea I'll do it. You... don't seem as bad as the others already. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“You're welcome. When will your mom be back?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Any minute, she's been gone for more than an hour and she said she just wanted to pick up some food and shower.” Michael checked his phone. “She left ten minutes ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, I have five minutes before I should leave, so I will wait.”</p><p> </p><p>There was silence. Until finally, Michael's mom came in. The therapist asked to speak with her in the hall and Michael sank back into the bed, trying not to let the anxiety get the better of him. He looked over at Rich.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey how are you doing now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Better... Thank your squip for me yeah? It's... nice to be able to talk about that freely.”</p><p> </p><p>“You're welcome. I'm glad it's helping. You deserve that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah... And thanks for trying to help before all this.”</p><p> </p><p>“No problem. I'm just happy you're alright, considering...”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah... I don't really want to talk about it right now... but maybe some other time?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me know when.”</p><p> </p><p>Then they started debating once again on what would be the best script to use for their duo- eight minutes, two people, it was a lot to consider. And the eight minutes included an intro. Eventually they decided to narrow it down to five possible movie/play scripts, and then come up with three possible cuts from each before talking to the coaches. At that point, before they could debate further, Michael's mama came back in.</p><p> </p><p>She seemed... resigned. Michael fidgeted and tried not to stare at her. Finally, she let out a sigh. “We did wonder how you were able to start pushing through so much. We thought it was making friends with Rich, losing Jeremy, and the bullying, but it never made much sense since you were always so content to stay the way you were.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael fidgeted. “I'd never really been... comfortable with it,” he admitted softly. “I hated being so sensitive and anxious. But... as long as I had Jeremy it never bothered me too much because I could cling to him and he would cling to me and do his best to protect me. It wasn't something I was ever pushed to realize I had to change... until he moved. Then I was on my own, struggling to manage it all, and then I found Rich, and we were bullied, and I wanted to be better for him and for myself. And for Jeremy, who I think handled the move even worse than I did. And then I got the squip- who I call Tony 'cause he takes the appearance of Tony Stark- and suddenly I had something that could help me and would be at my side all the time to give corrections and that was all I could really think about- I could improve my mental health. And my grades, I could make friends and learn to stand up for myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. I just wish you could've talked to us about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I... I was scared to. I didn't want to lose Tony and I didn't want to admit how bad I was feeling or anything. Not the extent I was feeling it anyways, and I was sharing some things... just not all of it... I'm sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, honey, it's okay. I'm just glad that your... squip ended up not being as bad for you as it can be for your age.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me too... But... Rich...” Michael looked over at Rich who was pretending not to eavesdrop.</p><p> </p><p>“I guessed he had one, was it a bad one?”</p><p> </p><p>“It's why he set the fire; to get it out of his head. The Mountain Dew Red deactivated it.”<br/><br/></p><p>She got up and immediately went over to give Rich a gentle hug, startling him. She started talking softly to him. Michael watched for a moment but then relaxed, happy that that went about as well as he could have expected. He was sure there was going to be more talking in the future, but for now he was safe.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>After a week, Michael and Rich were released at the same time. Rich did have to be careful, but the rest of recovery didn't need to be at a hospital. He certainly wasn't returning to school for a while, and Michael probably wasn't either. The greatest part of the day they were getting released was the final visit from the social worker.</p><p> </p><p>The social worker, after repeated phone calls and messages didn't get a response, arranged a home visit and based on the signs of neglect there, decided it was going to be a lot harder for Rich's dad to get him back than returning the calls. The notes Michael's moms made probably helped her look. But the best part was Rich's face when he was told his foster parents would be the Mells. Michael was sitting in the wheelchair, grinning like a lunatic.</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, they were out of the hospital, in the toyota, because it was a little more spacious than the pt cruiser. And Michael's mom had finally been able to return after getting rather ticked off at her clients. She was still consulting long distance, and it wasn't like she'd be able to do much more in person at that point anyways.</p><p> </p><p>They made a stop at the diner for lunch because grocery shopping needed to happen. With no one being home all week, some food spoiled. Others were able to be used the few times one of Michael's moms decided to get lunch/breakfast/dinner at home, but that didn't happen often. Over lunch, they asked Rich what his favorite foods were so they could pick some of that up and mark that down on their dinner schedule, they tried to get everyone's favorites at least once every two to three weeks.</p><p> </p><p>Rich still couldn't believe he was going to live with the Mells. The social worker had already picked up the stuff he'd marked that he'd wanted and the Mells had it. They also had his homework now. They even were going to allow him to continue to see the therapist which he really needed after the trauma of the squip but also because his dealing with ADHD mostly came from Michael and he really needed to work out his own thing.</p><p> </p><p>Once they were home, Michael limped down the stairs carefully. His broken arm meant he couldn't use a set of crutches effectively. He could use one but it was a bit more difficult especially since it was the left ankle that was sprained. Rich followed slowly. He'd avoided anything beyond bumps and scratches aside from his burns, so he was pretty lucky. They hit the bottom and went to the unused bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure it's okay if I take the other bedroom down here? I know you use this as the place to have your alone time...”</p><p> </p><p>Michael turned. “Yeah, I'm sure. For one, you know me, and you know not to disturb me or at least how to work around me when I'm struggling. For another, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm okay if some people are around when I'm dealing with things. So long as I'm not expected to interact. And you're one of them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Okay. So... I get this bedroom, then. That's pretty cool.”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn't it?” Michael grinned and opened the door. It was a pretty standard room. All of Rich's things that he'd wanted were put away in varying places, including his backpack at the desk.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow... I can't believe your moms put the stuff away already.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, they don't want you to have to do too much. Now did you want the traditional foster hoodie like mine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Heck yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed. “Okay, what color did you want? And what size?”</p><p> </p><p>“Large, hmm. I guess green will do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, let me go get that.”</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks later, Michael and Rich were sitting outside, enjoying the breeze. It was a bit cool, since they were now into the middle of fall, but it wasn't too bad yet. Rich and Michael hadn't returned to school quite yet. Rich was far too sore (and still dealing with emotional issues) for that and Michael was struggling with getting around with a sprained ankle and a left arm just at home. School would be far worse, so they were holding off until he was a bit better at it, so long as the school allowed it.</p><p> </p><p>That was when Mr. Heere ran up. Michael stared at him. He was wearing robes and no pants. Michael tried not to groan. He didn't want to deal with whatever drama he was bringing with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Michael! Something's up with Jeremy, he's going to get himself in trouble, I just know it.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed. “I don't know if you noticed but we're not on speaking terms anymore. He doesn't want to listen to a word I have to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“But do you love him?”</p><p><br/>“Honestly? No. I don't.” Michael took a deep breath and stared Mr. Heere in the eyes, despite it making him want to run away. “I spent two years reading his whining, listening to his rants. I spent two years where the most common thing he actually asked me about me was how I was doing, and he barely ever acknowledged my answer. I spent two years doing my best to support him from afar, giving him advice on how to handle things and make friends. I spent two years changing up my advice, trying advice that wasn't what helped me. I spent two years being his emotional support and carrying his baggage on top of everything else. He has never asked me what I was up to. Despite me occasionally talking to Rich and defending Rich's jokes which admittedly do go too far for those who aren't actually his friends, Jeremy still didn't pick up on the fact that I'm friends with Rich. When he learned that I got in shape because I joined a sport he thought I was becoming a jock. He never even bothered asking me what sport I joined. He never properly asked me what classes I was taking. He has no idea what I've been up to these last two years but I know every freaking detail including how much he hates you even though I tried to tell him that was stupid.</p><p> </p><p>“The final straw though? The final straw was when he decided being cool was the most important thing to him and started ignoring me. Which whatever, I was about ready to give up on him for my own mental health. But then at Jake's Halloween party, he called me a loser and told me that I was dragging him down. I had a meltdown. If Jenna hadn't burst in and helped me calm down I might've still been in that bathroom when the fire started in a red cloak that would've just weighed me down. Yeah I got injuries,” he waved his pink cast, “but they could've been so much worse. Maybe, just maybe, I still care about Jeremy deep down, but he's hurt me far too much for that to be anywhere near the surface. Honestly us not being on speaking terms was inevitable so long as he was unwilling to accept help for his anxiety and issues regarding bullying and self esteem. But yeah. I'm done wasting my energy caring about him.”</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Heere sat down on the steps and buried his face in his hands. “I've always tried to do what was right by him, I know the therapist has always been concerned but he's seemed so much better since moving until recently and the therapist did say he had to do things on his own terms... but now... I'm just so worried about him. I don't know how to reach him.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “Me either. You're his dad though. Maybe the therapist would be willing to allow a family session? Maybe that'd help. I don't know though. Jeremy's being so stubborn about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Um,” Rich spoke up. “Why did you bike here in robes and no pants?” Rich asked tentatively, lisp creeping through now that the fear of the squip was fading. He picked at the cuff of his green hoodie.</p><p> </p><p>“I was eating cereal because today was my day off for the week, I have to do some work this weekend. And I tried to ask Jeremy what was going on, but... he called me a loser and pathetic. That I haven't been taking care of myself. He has no idea that I went to a therapist weekly for more than six months, then biweekly for six more months, and I'm still going monthly. But the attitude. That was so unlike him. I just want to help him and Michael was my only hope...”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry. Um, he did tell you he's in the play, right? The shows are this weekend.”</p><p> </p><p>“He only mentioned it this morning. I didn't even know... I noticed the odd hours but he always brushed me off when I asked before...”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you could go to tonight's showing at 7pm. Tickets are usually $10.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's a great idea!” Mr. Heere jumped up. “I should go buy some new pants for that. I don't have any nice ones anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>He took off.</p><p> </p><p>“...he's definitely weird but I don't get why Jeremy hates him...” Rich spoke up.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, me too. Still want to show up to the play tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Rich fell silent. “I... I'm a little worried. I had a box of squips in my locker because my squip forced me to get them, it was trying to convince me that everyone would be happier if the squips controlled everything... What if Jeremy gets a hold of it? His squip knew about the supply, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael paled. “The play would be a good place to start... They're supposed to drink some concoction I think. Christine was complaining about everyone drinking out of the same thing. And... From what Jenna's told me, Jeremy has continued to make doe eyes at Christine, but she's been avoiding him. Which means there might have been a confession... and a rejection.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony started pacing as he went over his old (bad) code and started cursing under his breath. Michael raised an eyebrow because he didn't know Tony could pull that off. “Yeah, it's very possible that this is happening. Christine rejecting him would mean that he's not hitting one of his goals, and his squip will want to pull out all the stops to achieve it, with the side effect of starting to take over the world.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael relayed that to Rich and then sighed. “I guess I better go grab the Mountain Dew Red again. But I don't really have any ideas...”</p><p> </p><p>“Play it by ear? Maybe you could sneak a few drops in their waters after the play?”</p><p> </p><p>“That could work... Though it might have to be you. I am still having to use a crutch cane thingy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. I think I can handle it. These pockets are huge.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I'll let mom know we decided that we'd prefer to go to tonight's showing, sound good?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. And it'll have the nice side effect of surprising everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“That'll be great. I miss our friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that was fun. I'm glad this section's over though. Because that means next chapter is the play! And I'm looking forward to writing the aftermath the most hehehehe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Musical Talent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michael and Rich recover, though there's a bit of a rift between friends over Michael and Jeremy and who's on what side... Well, once the squip is dealt with of course. And there's musical auditions too. That's fun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rich and Michael sat with Michael's moms in the theater, enjoying, or trying to enjoy the play. It... was very creative, and not that great. High school plays could be great, but unfortunately the theater teacher and the one in charge of the musical couldn't always commit to the plays due to other circumstances like having a life outside of the school. So they went with the next best choice. There really needed to be a better drama department at the school, but there wasn't enough interest right now, so nothing was going to be done about it.</p><p> </p><p>It was during the second scenethough that things started seeming... weird. Michael looked at Rich who shrugged. Then it hit them both and Rich passed Michael the Mountain Dew Red. They had vague idea that if things seemed to be getting out of control, Michael would be best to crash the play to get it to someone, despite his ankle. Rich was too ashamed to be the one to do a big confrontation, and more movements hurt over all for him even though he could put his full weight on his feet.</p><p> </p><p>Michael was willing to risk harming his ankle further by crashing the play. So he slipped out of his seat and out of the auditorium to go around the back with his crutch. He thankfully was close to the back and had an aisle seat. So it was simple enough to escape to try to approach the stage. He hoped to be able to do something from backstage and not have to go up on stage, but that might be impossible.</p><p> </p><p>“I will keep analyzing, but I believe that Jeremy's squip may have instituted a hive mind. By syncing up right away, it can influence those squips in their early stages of computing, and so long as the wants of their hosts match up, that has the whole group acting as one. I will also numb your pain temporarily if it becomes necessary, but I would prefer you to remain aware of your limits.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Got it.” Michael nodded as he kept limping, finally reaching backstage. Once he was back there, he started moving more cautiously, and started looking for Jeremy. Who was easy to find. Seeing as the director or whatever who'd been hired just for the plays when the actual theater teacher couldn't do them was yelling at Jeremy.</p><p> </p><p>Michael cautiously came up behind Jeremy. “Michael makes an entrance!” he couldn't resist being dramatic at a time like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Michael!” And Jeremy actually could see him, that was a nice change.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just in the audience thinking that Chloe did really well but then I remembered that she's not that good at acting, they've all been squipped haven't they?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait you came to see me in the school play?”</p><p> </p><p>“I came to see my friends in the school play and I even brought my own refreshments.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait is that Mountain Dew Red?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. Told you I know a bit about squips. Hey, Jake, would you mind forcing Jeremy to drink this while I hold him down?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.” A beat, and Michael could see the change come over him and he couldn't help but curse.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. I just consulted the squip database and the hive mind is heavily discouraged because it relies on taking more control of their hosts. And comes with the steep disadvantage that if one squip is deactivated they're so intertwined the rest will deactivate too. So you just need to get someone to drink what's left of the bottle.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Well that's insanely convenient but I'm not going to complain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>Jake talked about how happy he was, then Chloe and Brooke showed up and made up while speaking in kind of monotone. Michael made a face at the timing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey there's a few drops left in the bottle!” Jeremy pointed out loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“And how am I supposed to get that?” Michael grumbled, looking at his crutch that was now just out of reach.</p><p> </p><p>“Apocalypse of the Damned, level nine!”</p><p> </p><p>“The Cafetorium? Sure I guess...” Michael grumbled then stood up, not putting much weight on his bad ankle. He followed Jeremy, going through the motions, though he lagged behind a little because of the pain and because shoving people aside required two arms, and well, his left arm was starting to throb from the force.</p><p> </p><p>He eventually went down as Jenna cackled. By that point, they were all on stage. He winced as Jake and Chloe held him down, with Jake putting way too much weight onto his left arm. He struggled a little, watching as Jeremy got the bottle only to be confronted by Christine.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, one of them drank it. He was amused by Jeremy's attempt at self-sacrifice but was just relieved it was over. Although the screaming all around him wasn't pleasant, and Jake nearly fell onto his arm. He barely managed to extricate his arm in time. He hugged his arm to his chest and decided to just stay in place because the whole cast was laying around him and he couldn't exactly walk now anyways.</p><p> </p><p>His mama was quickly on stage once everyone started realizing that what happened was not acting. She stopped by him first.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay, what were you thinking?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking Jeremy got in over his head with a squip and he needed some Mountain Dew Red before it got out of hand. That's... that's what happened to everyone, they all had squips that were very connected not like mine so they all deactivated when Christine's did... I'll be okay, I know I'll need to be checked out but I'm more worried about them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. As long as you promise that we're going to have a serious talk about what you just did.”</p><p> </p><p>“Promise.” <span class="u">Oops. I'm in trouble. I didn't think of that.</span></p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well I do think that it would've been a lot harder to get the Mountain Dew Red to any of them if we waited until the end of the play, with all of them squipped.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I'll tell them that but I really should've discussed my worries with them before... I'm just not used to sharing that part...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“That's fair. I'll leave it up to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded and remained silent as he watched everyone get loaded up onto gurneys one by one. Eventually a paramedic came around and he told them how he was feeling, and it was decided he better get to the hospital to make sure he hadn't made things worse.</p><p> </p><p>He rode with his moms and Rich to the hospital because that was cheaper. And then commenced the waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Until finally they called him back. It was when he removed his hoodie to reveal a light colored t-shirt, he realized the stitches from that bit of wood had torn. Not all of them, but just enough to bleed.</p><p> </p><p>His cast was removed and his arm x-rayed. Along with his ankle. After more waiting, it was determined that he had only added a week or two of healing to both, he hadn't set either too far back. Which was a relief. He decided on a purple cast this time. The stitches were replaced and he was reminded to be careful, especially with the still healing burns.</p><p> </p><p>The real problems started once they got home. Rich and Michael sat down and waited for the inevitable conversation. But first the moms went to have a quiet discussion with each other. Then they came out.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, before we decide what punishments might be necessary, we want to hear from you on what happened.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich and Michael took turns explaining their thought process and their plans. Then Michael added the input he'd gotten from Tony about how it was better to break the hive mind sooner rather than later.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry mama, mom. I should've told you. I'm not used to sharing the squip stuff with you but that's no excuse.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I'm sorry too, I could've thought of saying something,” Rich added.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Thank you. We're going to start with the punishment of: no friends over or visiting for two weeks. Once you're more mobile and it is easier for you both to have things to occupy you, electronics will be taken away while at home. Michael you shouldn't have put yourself in danger like that especially not while still healing, you could've seriously harmed yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's fair.” Michael sighed, looking down in shame.</p><p> </p><p>Rich wasn't sure how he felt; he'd never had any real punishments. It was either beatings or his father didn't care enough to punish him. But it was a fair punishment. That took into consideration that he and Michael were still healing.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, why don't you both go get some sleep, it's been a long night.”</p><p> </p><p>They both received hugs before they carefully made their way downstairs and to the bathrooms to brush their teeth and such. Then they went to bed.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, around 11, Michael woke up to several texts from Chloe wondering why he hadn't visited Jeremy in the hospital yet. He groaned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'm grounded because I didn't talk to my moms about last night before doing anything and I tore stitches and added healing time on both my ankle and arm. Electronics haven't been taken away yet, but no friends for two weeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, ouch. That sucks. Just so you know, Jake and Brooke are pretty angry on Jeremy's behalf and will just get angrier if you don't visit before he's out. Although oddly Mr. Heere didn't seem surprised.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I may have given him an earful when he wanted me to help Jeremy. Made my opinion very clear. Why are Jake and Brooke angry?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We... we were all really interconnected during the play, could practically hear each others thoughts. We know what everyone wanted, all the fears and insecurities. So we got a very heavy dose of what Jeremy was... is? Going through and while I do have more sympathy for him, I have heard enough of your side to understand why you wouldn't want to visit or anything, even if I think you should. And it turns out you can't visit so I can't be upset about that.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Great... so what's the run down on where everyone stands then? Jake and Brooke are fully with Jeremy?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yeah, Christine is surprisingly a bit neutral but still on Jeremy's side.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, that might be because I asked her to help Jeremy out with the play when he signed up, so she's been through the whole process. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And Jenna is with me, like we're probably a bit close to neutral, but neither of us can let go of how he treated you. And why is Jenna so firm on that anyways?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, at the party after his encounter with drunk you, he called me a loser and told me I was always dragging him down and I had a meltdown that Jenna had to help me out with.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah. Yeah that would stick out more than anything about how he felt.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Well, this shall be interesting to see how this develops over time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yeah. When will you be back at school?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If not by Wednesday, Monday the week after. Depends how my ankle feels after a weekend of solid rest. So what's the official story? Did you get therapists with squips?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yes, we did which was weird. And don't get me started on the apparent real story of squips I'm so mad abouthat. The official story is that Jeremy had been facing a lot of pressure from some shady guy he had gotten to help him and ended up dosing the beaker with a high amount of drugs- LSD I think? The shady guy naturally has escaped custody.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah of course. Yes, I know about the real story of squips. Cause mine told me about it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Michael froze and smacked his hand against his face. <em>Sorry, I got one when Rich did back in freshman year. Only mine has actually been decent and got the patch done after checking out the squip database for therapy stuff for me.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Suddenly a whole lot makes sense. But I'm happy you have that at least. I don' thing Ikd ever be comfortable with the dieaof one again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yeah I kind fo kenw the taking of the world thying was a posisbilyt from the get go. Anyways, I just woke up, so I should go get breakfast. Tlak to you later?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Of course!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Michael then got up and ready for the day before dragging himself upstairs for breakfast. Rich was already there, looking as exhausted as he felt. His moms were there, looking less tired but they also both had a cup of coffee. Michael was tempted but coffee didn't so much wake him up as shock his brain into performing correctly and therefore making it easier to focus. They sat down to simple breakfasts, each of them eating something different. Ranging from oatmeal to cereal to yogurt.</p><p> </p><p>“We were talking, and we think if you both went to the therapist twice in the next two weeks and talked about your decisions, and she agrees that you don't need to be punished further, we'll lift the electronics ban.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael cheered up a little. “Well, that's better than nothing. I was not looking forward to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich nodded. “Um, when do you think I'll be able to go to once a month, like Michael's supposed to be?”</p><p> </p><p>“Depends on what the therapist says. It could take a while if you have PTSD. And she'll likely want to go to every two weeks before going to once a month.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Okay. As long as it happens within six months I guess that's fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sure it will. You're willing to work on it, aren't you? And you're not too bad off as you are, compared to where you could be.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for Michael, if I'd had it alone...” he shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“We know.”</p><p> </p><p>After a bit more conversation about finer details, they moved onto other topics while they finished up their breakfasts.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually they got back to school, more than a week later because of Thanksgiving. Michael wasn't sure how to approach Jeremy, and so he didn't even try. It wasn't like Jeremy had texted him since the play. Or Jake or Brooke. He'd gotten a couple of updates from Christine who was understanding but thought Jeremy needed her support now. Other than that, Chloe and Jenna were constantly checking up on him, and Rich too.</p><p> </p><p>Michael groaned when he remembered that Jake was his chemistry lab partner, though they really only had one lab left, since they'd gotten all the others done before Halloween. He'd probably have to suck it up eventually. Just not the first day back to school.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to stay unnoticed at the back of class and do his work. After he handed in all the homework he had from the last month. He'd gotten most of it with Tony's help so he wasn't too far behind overall. Same with the other regular classes. For theater, the teacher was willing to give him a passing grade for the month he was gone so long as he kept up his work. For orchestra, he was kind of stuck until his arm healed, which sucked. Both his art classes wanted him to still complete his projects, including one he'd missed, but he'd actually been ahead of most of the class in both classes so the end result was that he wasn't too far behind. It might be a little difficult shaping things in 3-D art with the cast but he should be able to manage that.</p><p> </p><p>Overall, things were better for him than Rich, for whom studying was far harder without his squip. Mostly because the squip did a lot of the work for him and didn't actually teach; he had to pick things up just by observing. Michael was helping him, of course. Rich probably wouldn't have been able to finish his make up work without his help.</p><p> </p><p>After managing to escape notice in chemistry, it was time for theater. With Christine. Michael took a deep breath and made his way through the halls carefully, he still had to keep weight off of his ankle. He hoped it went decently, but wasn't sure what to expect at all. He wasn't even sure she knew why he'd missed school before the play.</p><p> </p><p>He chose to sit quietly with his headphones on, listening to music to calm the pounding of his heart and the way his stomach was twisting around. He didn't even notice when Christine actually sat down next to him. But then the bell rang, so he reluctantly removed his headphones and glanced around, jumping when he saw Christine.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, how are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “Alright. Was in a lot of trouble for my stunt at the play.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? You saved us, right? And it's not like you did anything illegal or anything...”</p><p> </p><p>“My moms know because of Rich's therapist first of all. But also I'm still injured, and it added a week or two onto healing time for both the sprained ankle and my broken arm.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know... is that why you didn't visit Jeremy in the hospital?”</p><p> </p><p>“Partly. I was grounded, well still am til Friday, and we spent time in the ER making sure things were okay.” Michael sighed. “And... what happened with Jeremy? That took it's toll, not least because I totally had a meltdown at the Halloween party before the fire.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”<br/><br/>“He called me a loser, said I was always dragging him down. When I've always tried to help. I don't blame him for seeing it that way, but it was the last straw after carrying that for so long.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I'm sorry.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Not your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>Before they could discuss further, the class was in full swing, so it was time to start acting. Michael got into the swing of acting quickly, he was a bit of a natural, though it was difficult with his sprained ankle. At the end of class, he was informed that so long as he did his best, she wouldn't dock him for his injuries. After all he still did better than some of his classmates.</p><p> </p><p>Then he joined Christine to head to AP lit. They didn't talk much on the way, though after their stop at their lockers, she offered him a juice box. A banana flavored juice box. He eyed it weirdly but decided to try it as they walked to the next class. She was happily drinking hers.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them were actually done when they got to class, so they took some time to finish before the bell rang. They ended up cutting it really close. But it worked out in the end. The teacher would turn a blind eye to things like that so long as they got their work done and participated when required.</p><p> </p><p>Michael was pretty happy when lunch came around because Chloe volunteered to go pick some food up for him. And a slushie. There was no way he could limp over to 7-11 and have time for anything. He was barely making his classes, and that was just because he had the timing down to a fine art before Halloween. He sat down at a table, and waited. It was too bad Jenna didn't have this lunch. But Rich joined him soon enough.</p><p> </p><p>“How's it going?”</p><p> </p><p>“Weird, the rumors are everywhere... some girls actually screamed when they saw me. Apparently the idea that I was dead just kept getting stronger and stronger even though I went to see the play.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow... I haven't been paying attention, but I did see some people whispering.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, your headphones right? I'm kind of hoping that when we get around to it my therapist will sign off on some accommodations because it's kind of overwhelming being here now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know what you mean. And if you really do need them and can express why I'm sure she will.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. And I shouldn't ask for anything I don't actually need because that's just stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” Michael's phone buzzed. He glanced down. “Chloe wants to know if you want anything from sev-elev.”</p><p> </p><p>“A slushie would be good. Um, blue raspberry preferably.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded and sent the text. “How was class?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rough, it's harder to focus than I remember but that's probably because I'm used to it being forced on me. I'm not as far behind as I feared on theory work at least, I understood most of it, so that's something.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's great! We'll work on what you're having trouble with then, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well we do have the next few days of still being stuck at home, right?” Rich smiled back, not even realizing his slip.</p><p> </p><p>Michael did, and beamed, but didn't say anything as he checked his phone. “She should be here soon, she's on her way back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, cool.” Rich started eating and they fell into a comfortable silence. They had definitely become closer over the time he was staying with the Mell's.</p><p> </p><p>Chloe dropped the goodies in front of them. “There you go! And it's so great to see you two again!”</p><p><br/>“Great to see you too, how are you doing with the... therapy?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Pretty good. I'm surprised there's this whole network of people with squips dedicated to keep it out of public knowledge, but then that makes it easier to sell the cover story when those people are everywhere. 1 in 7, did you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded. “Yep. I usually keep to myself and stuff, but it really tends to be that frequent. Pretty crazy, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and turned to Rich. “And how are you with... everything?”</p><p> </p><p>Rich shrugged. “Everything would be a lot worse if Michael hadn't become my friend before we stumbled across squips, so I think I'm doing okay. Got therapy once a week though which is kind of weird 'cause I've never done that before.”</p><p> </p><p>“What does your dad think of that?”</p><p> </p><p>Rich grinned widely, surprising her. “Well, he kind of got himself in trouble for not answering any calls when I was in the hospital. I was assigned a social worker and because of the signs of neglect in the house, I got assigned a foster family.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. That's... good? You like this foster family?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael grinned. “That's because he's been staying with my family, my moms are foster parents for minors that need somewhere to go after they're in the hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, that's great! So even if you're grounded, you two still get to see each other? That's pretty amazing! I didn't know your moms foster...”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry I didn't mention it before, I thought it might've come up at some point since my moms are pretty concerned with making sure the fosters settle in before I have any friends over.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I think you may have mentioned it, yeah. I just didn't get it at the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“It wouldn't surprise me if I forgot. How many times have I told you the same thing five times?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Too many times. Sometimes in the same day.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed sheepishly. “Yeah. I'm pretty good at that unfortunately.”</p><p> </p><p>They continued talking, each noticing out of the corner of their eyes the look Jeremy and his table was giving them. But they chose to ignore it because it wasn't any of his business. And really, he should know by now that Michael was friends with Rich and Chloe.</p><p> </p><p>“I think the most disappointing thing about Halloween was losing that red cloak. I could've gotten so much more use out of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Both Chloe and Rich laughed. Michael grinned. They were trying to lighten the mood and it seemed it worked.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, the most disappointing thing about Halloween was that I forgot that you would have Mountain Dew Red and there was no need to panic like that.” Rich grinned, chuckling a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed. “Okay, that's fair. What about you Chloe?”</p><p> </p><p>“The fact that drunk me didn't listen when you told me that I should stop drinking and had a whole 'nother one before drunk me decided that acting on my feelings was a great idea,” she deadpanned, but a small smile betrayed her own amusement at herself.</p><p> </p><p>Michael and Rich laughed pretty hard at that, and then Chloe joined in because well it was ridiculous. The bell rang so they stood up, Michael with his cane, and dumped their trash before heading their separate ways to class.</p><p> </p><p>Next class was the drawing class. Michael was pretty happy about it, he had actually finished the piece for October even though it was due in the middle of November. The pattern was the project was introduced at the beginning of each month, but wouldn't be due until the middle of the next month. December would have the last project. So he had two weeks to complete this project and then four weeks, well three discounting Christmas break, for the last one. Not too bad at all.</p><p> </p><p>He got the assignment for November and was really happy with it. One full body paint of a mermaid, and a face of a mermaid (somehow making it obvious) in colored pencils. He could easily do that. The face he could bring home and work on and probably get it done within a week. Meaning he could use class time for the painting for the next two weeks. It was a good thing it was his off arm that was the one with the cast.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, and Michael? I informed the class when we started this assignment, because of their complaints, that you won't have assigned themes next class, you'll just have to do things that prove you understand how to use the techniques you're learning.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded. He'd never been bothered, but he could see why it would bother some. While October's was Halloween/fall themed, angels and mermaids were kind of... not usual. He got down to work and after checking the references, decided on a mermaid swimming in clear water, so all that could be seen was her hair, back, and tail. He decided red would be the color for the tail and maybe the hair because that was more fun to paint, while cool colors like blue was more fun with the colored pencils, so that would be what he went for for that one. He had a good idea with blue scales on her face and a starfish in her hair and make up. It was just too bad he couldn't stimulate the glitter he wanted. Or he could do a second version with the glitter. Yeah, that would work for him.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the day passed pretty smoothly, with 3-D art going much the same. He tended to get ahead of the curve with art once he hit a groove with projects which made it easy to get ahead. And he had managed to avoid Jeremy and his group which was definitely a plus.</p><p> </p><p>All that was left was him and Rich going to hockey practice, though the earliest the doctor recommended either of them start practicing was right before Christmas. It was looking like Rich would meet that, and Michael would have to wait til the new year. But they would manage. And they could still support the team and learn the plays and such.</p><p> </p><p>And he had two weeks to prep for the musical try outs. Thankfully, the musical had finally been announced. Heathers. Michael was pretty excited about it, even if it was just the high school version. He had a plan for tryouts, what song he would sing. Which lead to a conversation Saturday at the diner with Chloe, Jenna, and Rich.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay Michael we know you're trying out for Heathers, which role do you want?”<br/><br/></p><p>“J.D.” he answered immediately. “But I wouldn't mind getting Kurt or Ram and bothering whoever gets the lead role- probably Madeline.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think Madeline will get it and not Christine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Christine isn't as good at singing, and she told me she wanted to be one of the Heathers but wasn't sure which one. I think she was thinking of Duke or Chandler. I think either of you two could be good at Martha or the other Heathers. Depending on who tries out. The theater interest in the seniors is thin this year, a lot of them decided to focus on school this year instead of continuing on which is pretty unusual. So there's a decent chance that no seniors would try out this year at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what role should I aim for?”</p><p> </p><p>“One of the dads. You'd get to sing 'My Dead Gay Son.'”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh, I like the idea of that. Will you help me practice?”</p><p> </p><p>“Us too!” Chloe volunteered, holding up Jenna's hand. Jenna giggled and didn't protest, happy to be fully included now, and not just by Michael.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. How about we'll do a few hours today and next Saturday, and we'll double check our schedules to see if there's anything in the afternoons?”</p><p> </p><p>They all agreed. Michael grinned. “Excellent. The first thing we need is an audition song. It can be any song, really, preferably not a super popular one that everyone who auditions will be singing, and one you know well so it's very unlikely you'll flub. Other things we'll need to practice is scenes off of a script and some dancing. Those are the three components to the musical try outs.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aren't you worried about yourself then?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shook his head. “Nah, I've been in the last two. She knows I can dance. I might have to prove it once the sprain is healed, but I doubt that'll affect my chances.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>The next two weeks passed at the average rate. Michael practiced his song in his spare time and helped the other three practice at their practices. Chloe could sing, even if she did struggle with remembering lines. But the audition only required the ability to read off of a script, and the theater teacher tended to be far stricter about practices than Mr. Reyes, from what Christine told him. Which meant Chloe would likely learn the lines very thoroughly because she has no choice.</p><p> </p><p>Michael and Rich were steadily catching up with their classes, and keeping up with the hockey team. And they were having a good time over all with everything. Michael was a bit annoyed about his crush on Rich coming back full force with them spending so much time together, but he wasn't about to make a move.</p><p> </p><p>There was only one bad thing going on: Jeremy, Jake, and Brooke. Jeremy kept his distance, and willingly enough talked to Chloe and Jenna, though he definitely wasn't nearly as close to them. Christine kept her friendship with both group separate. Jake and Brooke on the other hand... well there were issues.</p><p> </p><p>It started with small texts just to Michael about how he 'had' to talk to Jeremy because Jeremy 'feels so bad'. Michael responded that if he felt that bad Jeremy could text him himself. Then it moved on to Jenna and Chloe and how they 'had' to understand Jeremy's side. Each text kind of escalated.</p><p> </p><p>They were all getting fed up while Rich watched in amusement. He never apologized to Jeremy because he didn't want to until Jeremy told him to his face how the pranks made him feel. And Jeremy never bothered to approach him either.</p><p> </p><p>Michael knew that Jeremy and all the others were seeing therapists and were probably going at least once a week. Jeremy at the least was probably still processing what happened and what he went through. Michael still knew him that well. Jeremy wasn't going to be the first one to make a move, at least not for another month or so. And Michael was tired of doing all the moves for him so they were at a stalemate. He was fairly certain things would come to a head soon though.</p><p> </p><p>After all, Jeremy wouldn't be able to stay aside when it escalated in front of him. As far as Michael knew, and even Jenna and Chloe, Jeremy had no clue what Brooke and Jake were doing to try to help him out. It was kind of sad, especially since they were supposed to be dealing with their feelings, but maybe they were just talking about their squips and what it exploited within them and not about other things, like feeling protective of Jeremy and how they're dealing with those feelings.</p><p> </p><p>The day of the musical tryouts arrived and Michael was pretty excited. It would take place right after school and there were no signups. Because their teacher much preferred them to fill out forms about their experience, what role they want and all that. Partially so she could mark each sheet with the number of the person trying out because otherwise she wouldn't be able to keep track of everyone she didn't know.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so on a different topic than the musical,” Chloe eyed Michael pointedly, “anyone aiming to get to a beach this winter?”</p><p> </p><p>“We can't,” Rich sighed. “Not with hockey. We don't even the the whole Christmas break off of hockey.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'd love to,” Jenna added in, “but well, the likelihood of traveling out of the state before college is pretty slim. I'd be open to it in the summer. I haven't really been though, ever. My parents didn't always have the patience... but I love looking at pictures. Especially of the sunset or sunrise over the ocean and you can see the tide coming in... that's the best.” She pulled out her phone and, thanks to her search history, had no issue pulling up a picture as an example.</p><p> </p><p>“Then let's aim to get to the beach sometime this summer,” Michael responded. “Most of us have licenses and access to a car. We could probably plan a trip.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh, yeah, that'd be fun. Or we could see if we can pool enough money together to go to a fancy hotel.” Chloe said excitedly as she pulled up a picture of a very fancy pool. It looked almost like an abandoned pool with the paint job and stone work.</p><p> </p><p>“That might be a bit harder,” Rich commented after getting a good look. “But we can put it on the list?”</p><p> </p><p>“We have a list now?” Jenna asked, surprised.</p><p> </p><p>“We might as well since we're making plans for six months away,” Michael responded. “I may have a few things I'd want to add.”</p><p> </p><p>“Suddenly I'm regretting the choice of topics,” Chloe joked. “But seriously, maybe we should leave that for another day. Any other topic that's not about the musical?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “We watched a documentary yesterday with my moms. It was... interesting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, that was!” Rich perked up excitedly. He was still wearing the green hoodie Michael gave him, and had even added a couple of patches of his own to it. He didn't like taking it off because unlike Michael and Jake, he was very insecure about the burn scars and they were way worse, too. “It was about what happens to malls when they're not profitable, sometimes because they drive the prices so high stores can't rent there!”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded. “So it started off about that, then it went into talking about abandoned malls. Which is super cool but also kind of eerie. Like they showed one where it was starting to decay and there was an area with display plants for decoration and the actual plants had overgrown only it'd been so long they were dead.”<br/><br/></p><p>“And there was a different mall with broken skylights so there was a layer of snow everywhere!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I might need to check this documentary out,” Jenna declared. “What was it called?”</p><p> </p><p>Rich and Michael responded at the same exact time. They eyed each other in surprise then shrugged it off while Jenna and Chloe rolled their eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, the bell rang, so they had to head off to their classes. Michael half grumbled at his not finished slushie but decided to bring it along to art. Both art teachers were pretty lax about that kind of thing so long as it didn't spill and get on projects or anywhere it shouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>He limped off, still using a cane because his ankle, while nearly healed, wasn't fully up to bearing full weight all the time. He was experimenting and trying it out every so often now. Which was allowed so long as he spent adequate time icing it throughout the day. Which he did at lunch and occasionally other classes if it was aching that badly. But after a few days, he was pretty good at not working it too hard.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, it came time for the musical try outs. Michael was ready. He had a sweatshirt jacket that he put on instead of his regular hoodie, just so it was easier to stay unnoticed and keep from starting something at the try outs with Jeremy. Because something probably would start once Jeremy realized.</p><p> </p><p>He showed up and grinned at his friends. They filled out forms and turned them in. In exchange, they received numbers to wear. Jeremy seemed pretty nervous, but the others with him seemed okay or confident. On the other hand, Rich was pretty nervous and fidgeting, Chloe seemed to be muttering under her breath and Jenna was pacing.</p><p> </p><p>Michael tried to reassure them but they were too deep in anxiety so he just settled for reminding them how to breath and operate with stage fright. The first stage of the audition was just acting out scripts in a cold reading. Every one was given a scene and told to act, a couple had to do it in pairs, but not many. Rich did really well, though that was probably because of pretending to be okay with the squip in his head telling him what to do. And the lisp while still present, didn't slip out much and he didn't show any signs of being upset about it slipping through. Something they'd had to work on. Because Rich sometimes got very upset with his lisp when he couldn't stop it.</p><p> </p><p>Chloe did pretty decently with the acting part, though she stumbled a little over the lines. But it wasn't like she could forget them with the script right in her hand. Jenna did better than Chloe, but not as good as Rich. Michael felt like he nailed his, though he purposefully kept the hood up. He could tell that Jeremy either wasn't paying attention or hadn't recognized him that and wanted to keep it that way until the song portion of the audition.</p><p> </p><p>Once the acting portion of the audition was over, over an hour later because there were about fifty auditions (5 seniors, 15 juniors, and the rest were split between freshmen and sophomores.) to get through. Michael and his group spent that time doing homework just so that it was done for later.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright for the dancing portion, I'm going to be calling out groups of ten by your numbers. We will run through some dance steps, and I will observe for about twenty minutes to see how well you pick them up. The better you do at picking up the dance I will be teaching you, the better you will be scored for this portion of the audition and the greater chance of being chosen for the role you want. As this part and the song auditions will be going longer, you may choose to pick up food, though I suggest you leave at the start of the twenty minutes of a group so that you do not miss your name being called.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael grinned. “I already requested to go last on the songs, if Jeremy sticks around, well, too bad, but I would like to avoid him today if possible. Plus, she knows I can sing so me singing is more of a formality than anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, well, we'll have to figure out food since we're definitely going to stick around for that. You've been keeping that song secret for weeks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, that's fine. Let's see... if there's five groups, and twenty minutes to each... that's an hour and forty minutes. It's now 4:30, so it won't end until about 6:10ish. Hmm, the first person to go in a dance group has to go pick up food for the rest of us if it's after 5:30?”</p><p> </p><p>“Works for me. Let's figure out what we're getting now so we don't need to worry later?” They nodded and put their heads together to decide on five guys. Each wrote down their order.</p><p> </p><p>None of them were called until the third group at about 5:15. Then it was Chloe and Jenna who were called up, along with Christine, and Madeline. They all did pretty good, especially compared to the rest of the group of ten. The fourth group contained Michael and Jake. Michael did his best, with plans to ice his ankle immediately after finishing. He thought he did pretty good, and the teacher did know that he had a sprained ankle so likely wouldn't hold it against him.</p><p> </p><p>The final group contained both Rich and Jeremy (Brooke having been in one of the two earlier groups). Both did surprisingly well, though were both a bit clumsy. Still better than the freshman and sophomores they were with because they both succeeded at nailing it on the last attempt. Then there was a brief break before the songs, and they were informed they could each choose to use the microphone or get the special stage microphone put on for their performance. Michael knew which one he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>They sat and ate and talked while they waited for their numbers to be called (the number on deck was the one that was called so they could be ready backstage). Jeremy went pretty early on and stumbled through his choice of song. His voice was decent, but he clearly lacked confidence.</p><p> </p><p>Christine did pretty well, but not as well as Madeline, as everyone expected. Jenna did surprisingly well, as did Rich. Chloe and Brooke both stumbled a bit though not as bad as Jeremy did. They definitely had a decent chance of getting good roles. Jake did surprisingly well for a jock, but then he did like to try everything so it wasn't terribly surprising. He was just one of those people that was annoyingly good at everything they did. He was number 45 of 50.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, after everyone else had gone, it was Michael's turn to be on deck. He got the microphone put on. He informed the pianist of his choice of song. He stretched a bit and put his hood back up. He had a whole big plan for this. He'd even practiced some of the staging at home.</p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath as he walked onto stage. Unlike a lot of the amateurs, he wasn't going to just stand up front and sing. He was going to act through the song. He stayed off to the stage as the piano started.</p><p> </p><p>“I've learned to slam on the brake, before I even turn the key...” he sang as he walked slowly across the stage. He kept his head mostly down until he reached a bit of a crescendo and then he unzipped his hoodie and tossed it aside for the rest of the song. He could see the moment Jeremy made the realization of who was singing. It was a glorious moment of shock. Minutes, really, as he did not stop looking shocked even after Michael finished the song.</p><p> </p><p>Michael bowed to applause at the end and retreated back stage to return the microphone. It was after 8pm. He then joined his friends with his hoodie not back on yet and grinned. “So, what do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“That was amazing! I can't believe you didn't tell us what song you chose!” Chloe squealed, tackling him. He stumbled back and nearly fell but Rich caught him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it would've ruined the surprise, wouldn't it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose,” she pouted. “But seriously, you did amazing and that song suits you. Why did you choose it?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged as he put on his proper hoodie. “In a lot of ways I can relate. Even if I do have friends and have my life together, it's something I've felt at times, and definitely felt back in freshman year.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Chloe fell silent as they collected their things to head out. “I never thought about it like that. But... yeah, there are parts that resonate with me...”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I certainly feel that song,” Jenna spoke up. “Or at least I did until recently. It's not a fun feeling. And Michael's just the right guy to put feeling into it.”</p><p> </p><p>He blushed. “Thanks. I hope I did well enough for the role I wanted...”</p><p> </p><p>“You probably did, seriously, best song of the night dude,” Rich slung an arm around his shoulder as they started walking out. “No one could beat you on vocals I think.”<br/><br/></p><p>“If you say so. So, Pinkberry to celebrate a successful audition and to take our minds off of whether or not we got the parts we wanted?”</p><p> </p><p>“Works for me!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good.”</p><p> </p><p>“No disagreement here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then its settled, let's go.” They headed for Chloe's car, as she was the only one who drove that day.</p><p> </p><p>Michael texted his moms the update once they were settled into the car and ignored the bickering around him about what song to put on. Then he leaned back and relaxed, pleased to have gotten out of there without the confrontation he was fearing. And he couldn't stop thinking with satisfaction about Jeremy's reaction to seeing him up on stage. He'd seemed a bit amazed by how good the song was before, but the absolute shock after the reveal... It was a bit gratifying and probably petty of Michael to be so proud of that. But he was because Jeremy hadn't known because Jeremy had never asked or been interested when Michael attempted to talk about what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually they made it to Pinkberry, got their orders, and settled in one of the big tables out of the way to chatter about the day and the auditions. And other things too, like the mall documentary, the latest movies, all that good stuff.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this is a great end to a good day, though I think I'm going to be a bit drained tomorrow after all that,” Michael admitted.</p><p> </p><p>“Just let us know, and we'll give you space.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for understanding. We'll see how I feel in the morning. And it's not like I'm not going to get used to it again eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>“We know. Hey, don't you two normally have hockey practice?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, we got out of that today because of the auditions,” Michael explained. “It happens every year and that's the only time the schedules interfere with practices so it's just a one time thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Plus it was even easier this time because we're still recovering, so neither of us is very involved in practice right now anyway,” Rich interjected. “But I should be back on the ice next week if the next appointment goes well.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'll probably have to wait until the New Year.” Michael sighed. “My ankle isn't healed enough yet.”</p><p> </p><p>As they talked, other people came in, but they didn't pay any of the other customers any mind. There was no real reason to after all. Of course, that lasted about thirty minutes, because that was when they decided they were done for the night and got up to throw their trash away and leave.</p><p> </p><p>And that was when they noticed that one of the groups was Jeremy, Christine, Brooke, and Jake. Michael groaned and leaned a bit heavier on his cane. He really hoped a confrontation was coming but Jake and Brooke looked pretty ticked off. Christine just looked about done with everything, and Jeremy was not paying any attention at all. Michael turned and started walking out briskly.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, you okay?” Jenna asked softly.</p><p> </p><p>“You know a confrontation is going to happen sooner or later, and with the shock Jeremy just got, it's going to happen soon. If it happens now, I don't want it to be in the place, because we could get kicked out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Uh, good point. Sounds good to me.” Rich nodded, and glanced back. He quickly turned around again when he realized that both Brooke and Jake were still staring daggers at them. Well mostly the others, but still. That was not going to be a fun confrontation. But unfortunately, it was probably an unavoidable one.</p><p> </p><p>They made it out to the car before Jake and Brooke caught up with them, with Christine and Jeremy trailing behind. Jeremy just looked utterly confused. He had been completely oblivious to how upset his new friends were at Michael and even Jenna and Chloe. Even though he was very upset about Michael ignoring him and somehow being friends with Jenna and Chloe.</p><p> </p><p>“Mell, we need to talk,” Jake stated sternly.</p><p> </p><p>Michael spun around. “Really, right now?” he asked tiredly. It was just about 9pm after all.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, right now you need to talk to Jeremy!”</p><p> </p><p>“I haven't exactly been ignoring him, you realize. He hasn't tried to reach out to me either.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well you should be making the first move because of the issue with the squip and how horrible you made him feel before that!” Jake's voice rose. Brooke was nodding along.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously? I hope you realize that my stunt landed me back in the ER because of my sprained ankle and broken arm, which I just got the cast off of yesterday and need to be careful with now after having the cast a week longer than I was originally supposed to. Because I interfered with the squip. And then I was grounded for doing that because what I did was stupid and I could've been hit with worse consequences than just prolonging healing, I could've caused myself permanent damage. And Jeremy never bothered texting. Considering I've never had to initiate a conversation with him before, I figured it'd be best to give him space. And after everything, I needed space too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? And what about not telling him about anything you've been up to?” Brooke asked, sounding disgusted.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed before speaking sarcastically. “Oh, and what would I have told him? Oh, Jeremy, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time at your new school and can't make friends. I just made friends with this other guy named Rich and he's pretty cool! I joined the hockey team because of my new friend and it's surprisingly fun. I tried out for a musical and got a bigger part than I expected! Oh, and I joined the speech team! Oh, I know you're so depressed you tried to kill yourself last month, but I got all A's on my final exams, and ended the year with mostly B+ and A-s. Rich and I are having a lot of fun this summer, too bad you can't enjoy it with us! Oh, I made some new friends this year! And they're all pretty popular! Too bad you're still having issues man. The hockey team was even more fun this year, we even got to play on the varsity team for the post-season! I got a decent part in the musical this year. My grades were higher this year! I know you have been struggling with school too you only complain about it every time we talk, I'm sorry about that.” Michael stopped and shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I should've just bit the bullet and tried to talk to him about what I'm up to but that wouldn't have gone well. He already nearly scolded me over the summer about becoming a jock or whatever. I can't even remember what he said, but it kind of proved my fears and insecurities right. If he didn't take that well when he didn't even know what sport I joined, I don't think he would've taken anything I had to say well. Besides, I defended Rich so thoroughly I'm surprised he didn't figure out we were friends. Since I was always amused by Rich's pranks and such. But no I bet that's just another case of me being insensitive to Jeremy and he never bothered to think further than that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You... You're such a hypocrite,” Jeremy jumped in before anyone else. “You talk about not letting feelings get in the way and using the future as a thing to look forward to to get out of hard times but you really don't do you?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael took a deep breath. “I always try to look on the bright side because that's always what's helped me stay stable in the moment the most. It's second nature at this point. That doesn't mean fears and insecurities can't get the best of me at some points. I'm not perfect Jeremy, and I never tried to be. But you wanted me to be perfect about helping you with your mental issues, and I know I don't have the right attitude for it. You really needed to just listen to your therapist and talk about everything so you could actually work through it. I'm not sure you ever did because any sane therapist would have brought up techniques for anxiety- techniques I tried to teach you. I even spent time looking stuff up that doesn't work for me just to help you and you chose not to even try most of them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, why are you making this about you?” Jeremy glowered. “It's always about you you you! You couldn't give me a chance to see if I liked the squip or not, you doubted me, and went looking for information on it just to get me to pay attention to you.”<br/><br/></p><p>Rich, Jenna, and Chloe all looked very angry about that, though they also took a step back from Michael. They knew this would set him off and quietly agreed to let him blow up. If he didn't spill now, he might never. At least, not to Jeremy's face.</p><p> </p><p>Michael started laughing to everyone's surprise. He almost bent in half laughing at something no one really got. After a bit he straightened back up, calmer, though an amused look in his eye hiding his anger.</p><p> </p><p>“Choose your words carefully, Michael. You shouldn't lash out,” Tony cautioned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I'm done choosing my words carefully to avoid any issues. He needs to know the full truth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don't disagree, but that doesn't mean you should be purposely aiming to hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael didn't respond to Tony. “Do you really think I needed you to pay attention to me? Who was the one clinging to our friendship like a lifeline this whole time? It wasn't me. It was you. I wasn't just 'busy' sometimes when you texted or call. Sometimes I didn't have the mental capability to deal with helping you with your latest difficulty. I had friends. I had improving mental health and an idea on how to keep it properly balanced. I did my best to help you but I can't help someone who refused to help themselves. Healing your mind takes your decision. Everyone can help you all they want, but you're the one who has to put in all the real work. I was actually thinking about trying to step away as your friend before the squip incident anyways because you're exhausting. I don't actually need to use my headphones as often as you think anymore. It's just easier when I know I have to deal with you.” He paused, and took another breath.</p><p> </p><p>“As for the squip, I already had information on it. I was worried about you from the get go, and then you used the optic nerve blocking- yes I know about that- and so I had no way to communicate it to you until the Halloween party. When you ran into me on my way out of the bathroom after taking some time to center myself with the chaos of the party. I had to give you the chance to make an informed choice. And then I told you to do what you wanted. I didn't try to convince you otherwise. That didn't stop you from berating me for not fighting back, calling me a loser, and telling me I have been dragging you down. Jokes on you, I've been 'cool' for more than a year, you just refused to see it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy looked even angrier. “And what, you expected me to notice when you attempted to hide it from me? Puh-lease. How can I believe that? You could've sat with them at lunch. And I don't believe you. I don't understand how a gamer geek could be so popular. You're still interested in the same things you insisted on telling me but now you're into hockey and musicals and whatever. You're not the same person.” Even Jake and Brooke stunned at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“I never said I was. You were freaking out about me becoming a jock. I was reminding you I haven't outgrown an interested in video games and retro stuff. You're the one who seemed resistant to all change and refused to think about me changing. Or you would've seen my schedule and noticed that not only do I have two AP courses this year, I have pre-calc and two art classes.”</p><p> </p><p>“There's always a way out for you isn't there,” Jeremy snarled. “You talk like you're the bigger person but you're not, you're just cowardly and weak, afraid of confrontation and getting your feelings hurt. You never helped me, you didn't even try, no matter what lies you've made up to pretend you have. You're pathetic.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't like the feeling of rejection, and almost every time I feel hurt by something I feel rejected, so excuse me for always doing my best to hold off on that. I know it's irrational, but that's just what ADHD does to people. And I think we're done here. We're just going to talk in circles.” Michael turned away to take the last few steps to the car and climb in.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy stormed forward and yanked his left arm to stop him. Michael yelped and pulled it away. Jeremy punched him. “Why won't you listen to me?!” he yelled. “You've always just brushed off everything I saw, finding the earliest opportunity to change the subject. Ever since I moved! I hate you so much!” He threw another punch at Michael, but this time Michael was more prepared and jumped backwards, stumbling a bit on his sore ankle. Before Jeremy could attempt to swing again, he was held back by Jake and Christine.</p><p><br/>“Jeremy, that's enough,” Christine told him quietly. “You have your point of view and he has is. From his, he did everything he could to help you. I've known him since the musical last year, so when you signed up for the play he asked me to help you out. You can't say he doesn't care about you, even if he's bad at showing it.”</p><p> </p><p>Chloe and Jenna helped Michael into the car while Rich stepped in front of Michael.</p><p> </p><p>“Don't you dare ever talk about Michael like that again. He's been my best friend ever since Halloween, freshman year. If it wasn't for him, my experience with my own squip would've been far worse. I know he's always tried to help you because he's asked me for advice on what to tell you, and I couldn't exactly help because what works for him generally works for me. I saw your texts sometimes when he left his phone out and the alerts popped up. I don't recall ever seeing you asking even how he was doing let alone how was his day. Just constant whining about your dad or school or bullies or whatever. Stay. Away. From Michael. He's too selfless to be around a selfish brat like you. Oh, and he didn't mention it but, like Jake, he got those injuries at Halloween for selflessly rescuing me from that fire, Jake could've been so much worse off without Michael's help and Michael even tore some stitches for your ungrateful ass.” Rich shook his head in disgust and climbed into the car, the last one in. Leaving the others looking a bit shell shocked in the parking lot.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Michael's feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michael has some feelings on what happened, and his moms are not happy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they arrived, Chloe and Jenna jumped out to help Michael into the house, so that he didn't have just Rich helping him. Rich grabbed his bag as well before getting out, grumbling a bit to himself still about what had happened with Jeremy. Once inside, Michael gratefully sat down on the couch and propped his foot up. His ankle was really aching after that incident. His face didn't exactly feel good either, but the throbbing in his ankle was more concerning.</p><p> </p><p>Rich went to go get ice while Chloe and Jenna fussed over him a bit, all of them grumbling about Jeremy. Michael's moms came out to say hi, but then got very upset when they caught sight of him.</p><p> </p><p>“It's nothing,” Michael sighed. “Just... a minor disagreement.” He didn't want to make things worse with Jeremy. Even if Jeremy was only seeing one side of things and Michael did better than he though, Michael still felt like he could've done better. That he could've helped more. Or just gotten out of Jeremy's life earlier instead of stringing him along.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh hell no, I'm not going to let him get away with that.” Rich declared as he handed over the ice. Then he turned and started explaining what happened. With the help of Jenna and Chloe, of course.</p><p> </p><p>Michael decided to tune them out. <span class="u">I could've handled that better, huh?</span></p><p> </p><p>“Maybe a little,” Tony sat down next to him. “But I think you handled it as well as you could at the time. And a lot of the words needed to be said. Even if not the tone or phrasing you used. You had to clear the air, I know that's not how you wanted to do it, and you weren't mentally in the best place after dedicating all afternoon and evening to being social. And being confronted like that did not help matters. You felt cornered, so you lashed out more than you should've. A normal, human reaction. Even if it was not the best response possible.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Yeah. I guess I did do my best, though you did offer advice and I didn't take it...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, you could've taken it, but you were also right: those words needed to be said. The problem ultimately lies in the way you said them. And with Jeremy and his choice of reaction.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Do you think that would've happened if I had worded things better and didn't use that tone?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“It might've. Jeremy has been pretty unpredictable since the beginning of the school year. He often lets his emotions rule him, and sometimes it is hard to tell how badly he will take something.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I guess. I just wish... I wish I could go back and fix things, properly. I know he's the one who has to make the choice to change, but surely there's something I could've done...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know if there was. He seemed pretty determined to wallow in self-pity despite everyone's efforts. He refuses to see the effort his own father is putting in, just being selfishly focused on himself. It was a rough situation you navigated with the best of your abilities, and even if you could go back and change it, I can't say it wouldn't have much the same results, aside from it maybe being more apparent that you were trying to help him.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I guess. I just... I do feel like there's more I could've done. If I was a better person. If my mental issues weren't so bad. Maybe if I'd actually gone to therapy instead of relying on you. I downplayed so many things. I sometimes told him that it'd be better in college, and we still have two years til then, and that wasn't a good move, even if that thought helps me when I'm feeling down. I could've spent time trying to help him make friends with Rich instead of arguing about the pranks and whether it was bullying or not. I... I just could've done so much more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“You're right. You could've. But you didn't. And you will have to live with that. The question is, will you wallow in your bad decisions? Or will you process them and let the regret go?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael didn't have a response for that, so he fell silent, and tuned back in to his moms discussing what to do about Jeremy. Chloe and Jenna seemed to be about to leave, though they first were begging Rich to let them see his new room before they went. He seemed to be relenting, and soon led them down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it's time we had Jeremy and his dad over for a talk.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did kind of provoke him...” Michael admitted.</p><p> </p><p>“After being cornered and confronted by his friends. And you just told him the truth, from what the others have told me. Something it seems he doesn't like to hear. He needs to learn better. Like you have,” Mama said.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm not that great at it...”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe not, but the fact that you're admitting it shows you have an idea of when you're flawed and try to work on it. Jeremy it seems is stuck in a selfish rut,” Mama responded</p><p> </p><p>“He's changed a bit since the squip... He seems happier now. And he has friends that properly defend him.”</p><p> </p><p>“None of them handled that situation correctly. And we want to talk to Jeremy ourselves to see if he's really just being selfish or if there's more to it, so we're not totally jumping to conclusions based on second hand accounts of teenagers,” Mom interjected before Mama could respond again.</p><p> </p><p>“So, if you agree, we think that it could be good to invite them over for dinner this weekend, since you're busy every afternoon with the musical and then hockey practice.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed. “Okay. I guess I can live with that. I'm not sure how to feel though.”</p><p> </p><p>“We understand, just let us know when you need to talk, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich came back upstairs with Chloe and Jenna, who were happily chatting about his room. Rich looked pretty worn out from it. They other the other hand seemed to be discussing decorating ideas. They took a brief moment to say good bye to everyone and then they left, still talking.</p><p> </p><p>“How's the ankle?” Rich sat down next to the couch with a groan.</p><p> </p><p>“Feeling better, thanks for the ice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no problem.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, did the auditions go well?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael brightened. “I think I nailed it and have a good shot at getting J.D. He's got the best role in Heathers. Rich did pretty good too, better than the few seniors that tried out, so I think he'll be getting a good part too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess... I stumbled a bit with my song though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, almost everyone did. It's not just that that she looks for anyways. It's how you sing, are you in tune, is your voice pleasant or not, that sort of thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Good point. Yeah, I guess I didn't do too badly. But I still don't like my lisp for things like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“We make it work with speech, why not with a musical?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you always have such good points?” Rich complained.</p><p> </p><p>Michael blushed. “You're not the only one that says that but I don't see it.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's why you're in therapy, right?” Mama looked at him pointedly.</p><p> </p><p>“...right. I don't take enough credit.” Michael sighed.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Michael wasn't his usual self the next day. Or the rest of the week. The swelling and throbbing and gone away within a few days and didn't seem to have set things back at least. Michael was drained, and trying not to wallow in self pity about how badly he believed he handled things. It was only at his biweekly therapy appointment that Friday during school hours that he started letting it out.</p><p> </p><p>The therapist had him painting because Michael had informed her that he enjoyed art, and they talked as he worked when he felt like it. It worked for Michael. He could be doing something with his hands, something to express himself, and talking things over or being silent. It was amazing for him. Nothing like he ever expected.</p><p> </p><p>He was able to dump everything about what happened with Jeremy, which devolved into a rant about the last two years of trying to keep the status quo at minimum and help him at best. Then it went into how he felt like he could've done better despite all he tried because Jeremy didn't feel like it was enough, and being the person he had to help, surely Jeremy had a say in it. He talked about how he felt trapped as Jeremy's friend, like he couldn't fully express himself. He hadn't even dumped everything the night of the audition. He had neglected to mention getting more into art, which previously had been a hobby mostly reserved for family time.</p><p> </p><p>When he finished with his rants, he took a breather and looked at what he was painting. He tilted his head. Horror wasn't his usual genre, but then this was up to interpretation. It was a bathroom shower painted in eerie colors, the lights clearly out so everything was a dull shade of red, except for some lines on the wall that went down into the drain. Those lines were a bright blue. The implications were there. He shook his head and continued on with the details. He didn't usually draw things so close with his current mood- like when he did that purple eclipse so long ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk about this painting?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “Not really, I guess this might have something to do with the situation? But I don't usually draw what I'm feeling even when I'm upset so it's hard to say. I mostly just draw whatever comes to mind when I get lost in thought.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I believe you mentioned that in passing last time.” The therapist then began her usual poking and prodding at holes in Michael's reasoning, getting him to really think about why he felt the way he did. She never said whether or not he could have done better. Just offered suggestions for what feelings he expressed for the future.</p><p> </p><p>He was able to breathe a lot more easily after that. And he had a lot to think about. Including one of his buried feelings he hadn't realized he had. It had happened more frequently before Tony, before he learned to acknowledge and work through his feelings instead of pretending they didn't exist. But sometimes they did happen and this one did happen to be from shortly before he got Tony.</p><p> </p><p>That afternoon he was able to more fully throw himself into practicing his role for Heathers. This week, and the few days before Christmas break next week, were dedicated to practicing lines and learning songs. Often they were broken up into groups for certain scenes and songs. They all were to work on memorizing the lines, or at the very least not stumbling through them by the time Christmas break was over. Because after break they would start working on blocking, which was where everyone had to stand for their scenes, and it was far easier if people could go through their lines smoothly</p><p> </p><p>Of course, there were some directions on intonation and acting throughout practices. It wouldn't do for anyone to fall into bad habits after all. Mostly though, they were just being drilled on lines after lines. Especially those with a lot of them.</p><p> </p><p>Michael enjoyed the practices immensely, though most of his scenes didn't involve others besides Madeline as Veronica. Chloe had gotten the role of Martha, to her surprise, while Christine was pleased to be Heather Duke. Jenna was Heather Chandler and Brooke was Heather McNamara. Ram and Kurt were Jake and Jeremy, and Rich played the supposedly homophobic dad (Kurt's), while a senior took on the role of the other dad. Their roles also doubled as some other characters throughout (coach, principal, Mr. Sawyer). The other minor role (Ms. Flemming/Mrs. Sawyer) was taken by a senior. Sophomores and freshman took up the remaining random students and cops and were mostly the ones helping with set, costumes, and lighting. Jeremy and his group mostly ignored him or did so as much as they could, which was fine by Michael.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone noticed his renewed enthusiasm that afternoon as they practiced their lines. No one commented though, respecting his space. Which was nice. He confided in them about his therapy session that morning before heading to get dinner with Rich before their hockey practice. He was much less worried about the meeting with Jeremy and his dad now.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Rich spent the day Saturday trying to keep Michael's mind off of the dinner that night. Which meant that he spent time chatting about conspiracy theories. So. Many. Conspiracy theories.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so I found this writing prompt? But it sounds like the perfect set up for a conspiracy.” Rich read it aloud, “It's 3am. An official phone alert wakes you up. It says “Do not look at the moon.” You have hundreds of notifications. Hundreds of random numbers are sending “It's a beautiful night tonight. Look outside.” Isn't that crazy?” He grinned. “Like imagine what the government could be trying to get people to avoid seeing. Like something happening to the moon. Maybe it going through the phases really quickly somehow even though the sun is still on the other side of the world.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael blinked. “Um. I think you could write a story about it, honestly. You have more of an imagination for that sort of thing.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Oooooh maybe I should write something. That could be fun. I haven't really tried creative writing before, not outside of class and well that doesn't come up very often so I have no clue how good I am at it. Anyways, do you have any thoughts?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know. My first thought would be that there's something supernatural and werewolf-y going on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh, if I was going to write about it, I could do that, and it would still be a conspiracy because the government is trying to hide the supernatural...” Suddenly there was silence as Rich started scribbling notes on his notebook he'd initially been attempting to do homework in.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed in relief at getting some silence and then shook his head as he turned his attention to the little homework he had remaining. He'd gotten good at spending a few minutes at the start of his electives working on some homework just so he didn't have to worry about it later. Sometimes it didn't work out perfectly but this week at least it had.</p><p> </p><p>All too soon, the doorbell rang. It was dinner time. And Jeremy and his dad were there. Michael took a few deep breaths and stood up, leaving his headphones behind. Rich picked them up and put them in his hoodie pocket, just in case. He knew how Michael felt about this situation, and if Jeremy was still feeling the same way, well, it wouldn't end well for anyone.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy seemed very sullen as he shuffled in after his father, who just looked tired. Probably tired of everything at this point. Michael couldn't blame him. This was an exhausting situation. Jeremy was exhausting. Jeremy mumbled a greeting to Michael and his moms, not bothering looking up.</p><p> </p><p>When four greetings instead of three registered he looked up. “What are you doing here?” he asked Rich, looking very confused and a bit offended.</p><p> </p><p>“I live here now. Fostering and all.” Rich shrugged. “Since the fire, anyways,” he added that to keep the peace.</p><p> </p><p>“...Oh.” Jeremy still looked a bit offended.</p><p> </p><p>“Not like we've really talked since for you to know,” Michael put in lightly, glancing at his moms. <br/><br/>“Dinner should be ready in a few minutes,” Mom informed them. “We can discuss things afterwards, if that's alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Everyone but Jeremy nodded. There was stiff silence for the first few minutes, but as they settled into eating, some casual conversation started up. Starting with Rich's latest 'conspiracy theory'. Michael lightly teased him, and received some playful jabs in return. Both had decided to ignore Jeremy unless he spoke up. He was watching the interaction with wide eyes, as if he hadn't see them act like that before. If he hadn't been paying attention since the play, that was actually possible.</p><p> </p><p>Then they retreated to the living room. Michael ended up between Rich and Mama while his mom took one of the single chairs and Jeremy and his dad took the love seat. There was silence before Mom spoke up.</p><p> </p><p>“Did Jeremy tell you what happened a few days ago after the musical auditions?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. He didn't even tell me he auditioned.” Mr. Heere looked at Jeremy pointedly. Jeremy crossed his arms and looked away.</p><p> </p><p>Michael remained silent, letting Rich explain what happened. He didn't even add anything to it when Rich got things wrong. Jeremy certainly let everyone know when he did.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeremy!” Mr. Heere exclaimed when they reached the end. “No matter how you're feeling, you don't resort to violence!”</p><p> </p><p>“...he made me angry,” Jeremy muttered. “I wanted him to understand how I feel.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael groaned. “Dude, you've only explained it millions of times over the last two years.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don't listen!”</p><p> </p><p>“Anymore. I don't listen anymore,” Michael corrected. “I used to listen and try to help nearly every time you texted, but it's hard to do that when you keep complaining about the same thing, when you keep ignoring any bit of advice. Not even really bothering to explain why it doesn't work for you. You say things like 'but we're not in college.' I recognize saying that things will be better in college doesn't work for you. I said that because it helps me to look that far in the future at what things might be. I was wrong for not seeing it from your point of view, and I'm sorry. But. It is not just my fault. You didn't give me more than 'but we're not in college.' I didn't know if that meant the advice didn't work for you, or if it was just hard for you to think that far ahead. I never know how to deal with you anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, you think you're so much better than me now because you figured yourself out and got popular while I was gone somehow. And you never told me. I may have reacted badly but you should've told me! I needed to know that!”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you should've asked me what I was up to,” Michael responded bitterly before he could continue.</p><p> </p><p>“I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael pulled out a stack of papers. “You didn't. I went crazy one time and printed out screenshots of our messages and went through and highlighted things before counting up the results. I continued documenting everything up until the squip incident.” He ignored the annoyed look Jeremy sent him; he'd figured that Jeremy may have at the least tried to get out of his dad knowing about it. But the therapists involved in the situation would not have let that slide and if he/she hadn't gotten Jeremy to tell his dad or give permission, they were definitely working on it. Especially with how dangerous the squips were.</p><p> </p><p>He passed the stack over to Jeremy. “So, the blue highlighted texts are where you asked me how I'm doing that day. The yellow ones are our average conversations about games and such. Green is where I felt you out on trying to bring things up and you didn't exactly respond positively. Pink is any time I offered advice, regardless of whether you took it to heart or not. Unhighlighted texts are you whining, complaining, venting etc about what you were going through, emotionally, with school etc. Purple is anything else. 40% of the texts are unhighlighted, 30% are pink. 20% are yellow. That leaves 10% for the blue, green, and purple.”</p><p> </p><p>He then leaned back, closing his eyes and trying to breathe, while Jeremy and his dad looked through the pages. He didn't notice how proud his moms looked. They knew he did that once, and were pleased that it turned out useful in the end. Even if he had forgotten about it until recently. Rich wrapped an arm around him silently, leaving him be, gently rubbing his shoulder in the spot Michael found soothing.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy glanced up and stared. Rich and Michael were closer than he realized if Rich knew that trick. He returned quickly to the texts. It was a thick stack, so he started skimming through for the pink, blue, green, and purple, lines from the unhighlighted and yellow popping out here and there. He stopped and reread a paragraph from the unhighlighted texts. He cringed at how whiny and self centered it was, and, immediately after, was a pink text from Michael offering advice. He read it, realized he didn't even remember that one, and looked at his response. Which was a dismissal. Ouch. Had he always done that?</p><p> </p><p>The more he read, the more he realized how whiny he was. And how mean he was about his dad, despite everything. He also saw bits of advice sprinkled throughout here and there again and again, but then other times the same sort of problem had a different solution. Sometimes the solution was so different he was surprised Michael thought of it.</p><p> </p><p>He looked up. “Um, Michael? Is there a reason you wanted me to look through this?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael opened his eyes, but didn't try to remove Rich's arm or anything now that he was back to the present. “Yeah. You keep saying I never tried to help you. But the texts are full of proof I had tried a good amount of the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why have you been acting so angry and mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know, this is the closest you've gotten to asking me how I feel in two years.”</p><p> </p><p>“...what?” Jeremy flipped through the texts quickly, noting that all the blue ones were just asking about the day not feelings. “Um. Then how do you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, there is anger. There is resentment. There's relief that you have more of a support system. But mostly, mostly there's a lot of hurt. I was hurt and doing my best after you moved. But you seemed to have it worse so I sucked it up. Then I met Rich, we got squips, and things started getting better for me, so I had to try to be your support system, especially with that attempt. There was constant hurt that you were using me and not asking me how I felt, not caring about what I was doing or anything. And even if I was doing better there were still some really bad days in there. And I didn't feel like I could talk to you about it. And that hurt because we used to be able to talk about everything. It's understandable the dynamic changed, and that would've hurt on its own, but its what the dynamic changed to that hurt the most.</p><p> </p><p>“Worse, once you came to back here to school, I tried to find ways to tell you about some things- I wasn't going to tell you everything not with my worries and fears about how you'd react, but I did want to at least tell you about my friends. I was admittedly terrible at it, but you really didn't notice. I walked from theater to AP Lit every day with Christine, and you never noticed somehow.</p><p> </p><p>“And then the squip happened. It hurt to learn what your perception of me was, if my squip hadn't had an idea of what was going on, it would've been worse since you were ignoring me for seemingly no reason. And then... the worst part happened. Halloween. I am still very, very hurt by what happened. I tried to be nice. I helped you calm down. You called me a loser and told me I was always dragging you down. I had a panic attack. If the door hadn't been unlocked so someone could stumble over me, I might have still been calming down from that when the fire started. I got lucky Jenna needed to use the bathroom. And while the panic attack isn't really your fault, I certainly associate it with you and your words.</p><p> </p><p>“But... I'm sorry. Truly sorry. I've been lashing out and resentful because of what has happened for years. I've been ignoring how hurt I was about everything and it was coming out in the worst ways. I'm sorry for that.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy was surprised by the apology. But... why did it not feel as satisfying as he thought it would be? He looked down, looked at the pink highlighted text and realized that it was because for the first time he had true insights into Michael, and had actually listened this time instead of only listening to what he wanted to. He could pick out now conversations where Michael was carefully trying to suggest things, only to be shut down.</p><p> </p><p>With the teens silent, the parents started up a separate conversation even though the teens could hear them. Mostly it was about how Mr. Heere was doing with the move back, how the therapy was going, that sort of thing. Jeremy was lost in thought, but not so lost in thought he picked up on some things he had never noticed with his dad. He hadn't realized his dad had therapy. He hadn't noticed that his dad was avoiding pants because he wanted to and it was more comfortable than the pants his wife forced on him and not because of bad days.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I have some time to think alone?” Jeremy blurted out. Conversations came to a halt.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, you can use one of the guest bedrooms.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Thanks.” He darted off, most of the conversations still clutched in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed and leaned back again. He once again closed his eyes and tried to center himself. Maybe they had finally gotten through to Jeremy. Maybe. He could only hope.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Jeremy's feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now Jeremy has his turn to talk things out</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, I think that did go rather well,” Tony told Michael. “You had everything for your part ready. Maybe a bit too emotional, but over all that went well.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I just hope it worked. I don't know what else would've at this point. Especially with Jake and Brooke practically coddling him. And poor Christine not sure what to do. After all, even with a good push he still needs to make the decision to help himself. And I'm not entirely certain he will.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“If he doesn't, you can wash your hands of the situation, because you tried. You went out of your way to prove that he had done those things, even if it was only made possible by you freaking out in January of your freshman year and printing out all those messages. And then continuing that every month after that. I know you would've gone as far back as you had patience for to do the same now just to prove that you did try.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">I guess. But you're right, I've done my best, we've tried to push him, and if it doesn't work, there's no reason to continue trying. Especially since he probably won't want to be friends if that's the end results, which hopefully will help Jake and Brooke calm down around the others.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“We'll just have to wait and see.”</p><p> </p><p>“So why did you want to talk about this?” Mr. Heere asked the Mells.</p><p> </p><p>Michael's moms exchanged a look. “We wanted to see if there was anything we could do about his attitude, and regardless, we don't want him to get away with attacking Michael like that. Especially since Michael is still healing from that fire, and he only made things worse at the play.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mom... I'll be fine, my ankle was back to where it was within two days, my arm wasn't that sore either, it just took some ice and being cautious for an extra day.”</p><p> </p><p>“But it could've been so much worse if your friends hadn't stepped in. I know you don't want to punish him, but we can't let go how badly he could've hurt you, regardless of whether or not he's justified.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. That is serious. I had hoped that the new therapist would help, but he's only been more sullen after those appointments. ...After today, I'm wondering if it's because she's challenging his point of view or genuinely offering tips to get better but he refuses to listen.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's possible, but you should ask him about it yourself. You don't need more misconceptions between the two of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.” Mr. Heere nodded. Then he sighed. “I don't know how we got to this point. I wonder how much of this is leftover from when his mom left, and how much has popped up now.” He paused. “And how much he had internalized from overhearing her lecturing me over the years before she left.”</p><p> </p><p>“We understand, it's not like we haven't been trying to give advice for years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have I thanked you for that? Because thank you. I think they overall helped, in very small ways. I can't believe how different Jeremy and Michael are in attitude to some of those rules.” He heaved a heavy sigh. “But back to punishment. I don't know how he should be punished. I'm leaning towards grounding him, but I don't want to totally take away anything that's actually helping him, and he's been so much better with these new friends. I feel like if I take away his phone and hanging out privileges it could just make things worse.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then a compromise could work, require him to do his homework without his phone after dinner, unless he needs help. If he needs help, he can have his phone back just for completing that assignment. And then give him an hour with it after that, make sure he has an alarm, and keep the phone overnight.”</p><p> </p><p>“That could work... I'll discuss it with him. Either way there will be some serious discussions about violence and how to properly express feelings. I'm thinking about seeing if there's anything I can have him do to help with the anger issues he seems to have, to add on as part of the punishment... But I don't have any real ideas.”</p><p> </p><p>“Could always try meditation,” Rich suggested offhandedly. “Supposed to be great for dealing with emotions. Not something me or Michael can do easily 'cause ADHD but when we've tried it, it kind of helps.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'll look into it, thank you Rich.”<br/><br/>Just then, Jeremy returned. He was quiet, not meeting anyone's eyes. It was hard to tell how he was feeling, if he had been crying or not. Michael didn't even know he had returned until Rich nudged him because he'd been so quiet.</p><p> </p><p>“I... I think I have some apologizing to do. But first. Can I explain my feelings?” he asked softly.</p><p> </p><p>Michael leaned forward. “I suppose that's only fair.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” Jeremy sat down, fidgeting with his phone. He had already put the papers down somewhere. “I just... I'm not sure where the beginning is. Because I'm not sure the beginning was when Mom left....”</p><p> </p><p>“Take your time, son.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy nodded, and took a deep breath. “I suppose it starts with being friends with you Michael... I know I wasn't a shy or anxious kid? I think the anxiety may have developed when puberty hit. Um. But you always needed me and we were friends, and I was content with that. Even if I wanted other friends. No one wanted to be friends with you because they thought you were weird and I hated that because I knew how badly you hurt like 90% of the time back then. I think back then it was kind of taking it's toll, always looking after you and protecting you, but being a kid and stuff I didn't know it, and didn't know how to express my feelings. I think that's why I lashed out sometimes back then.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I started resenting you for it sometime in middle school. I hated that I always had to be the one calming you down. You were my best friend, and I loved you and I loved to hang out with you but sometimes I felt more like I was babysitting you when we weren't hanging out at our homes. I didn't feel like I had any time to be myself sometimes, I didn't feel like I could make any friends. I think I blamed my anxiety on you even thinking that if it weren't for you I wouldn't find talking to other people scary.</p><p> </p><p>“And yeah, then I started clinging to you too. I know that only encouraged you, but I didn't feel like I had any other way to feel emotionally safe after a while either. Not with the anxiety. And...” he took a deep breath. “Now that I think about it, I remember the arguments Mom and Dad used to get into. It was scary and they accused each other of things but they handled the aftermath differently. Dad always tried to move on and be cheerful, and would tell me to respect my mom and that they didn't mean to argue but Mom would continue being upset for a while and make comments about Dad and sometimes me. I think I didn't like to think about the comments she made about me, so I ignored all of it... but a lot of it got through anyways. So I clung harder because things were rocky at home, and then Mom walked out and Dad fell apart and we moved and. I fell apart. And all I had was you, and you didn't stop me from talking and I just kept going. I think part of me didn't want you to talk about your problems back then because I wanted you to know how I felt for years. That was wrong of me.”</p><p><br/>Jeremy chuckled a little. “And I only figured this out because I talked to Christine. She's good at talking things out. Anyways... she says that maybe some of what Mom said about Dad spilled over into what I think of him, especially since Dad never talked badly of her. And I guess she's right, but that's not important right now... When we moved back here, I was so happy because I wasn't going to be alone anymore and I'd be with my best friend, I was willing to 'forgive' the 'terrible' advice because surely things would work out if we're together right?</p><p> </p><p>“And... it was great being back, only I underestimated how much I had changed. How much the last two years had affected me. It wasn't good enough. I still had all that anxiety, I still felt the trauma of being bullied, and you were there defending the new bully. I... I didn't deal with that well, and I am terrible at expressing my feelings. You're right. I should've explained why any advice you gave me wouldn't work instead of dismissing it or giving you offhanded deflections that really told you nothing. And you're right that your advice wasn't very useful for me most of the time. I guess... because the advice wasn't useful I didn't think you were trying to help or were listening to me. Especially when it came to the college stuff. I'm really sorry for that by the way.</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know why I didn't notice how you still supported my decision even though you thought the squip was a bad idea. I just...” Jeremy sighed and fidgeted more. “When Rich approached me about it, I was desperate by then. I had signed up for the play, felt out of my depth there, my grades weren't the best especially in math, I wasn't failing but I knew I had to do better, Christine seemed more interested in Jake than me, and he flirted with her... And all the emotional toll just came down at once on me. I know I've been in therapy, but... I guess I've been resisting their methods and mostly just sticking to the meds to keep the thoughts at bay.”</p><p> </p><p>He ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. “And I definitely never got deeper than talking about Mom walking out, moving, and the bullying, so it's not like they could've helped with a lot of the emotional stuff seeing how much I didn't know I resented you, and stuff. I didn't even talk about how I felt about Dad... Anyways. I saw the opportunity and I was desperate enough not to care about the consequences.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy took a deep breath. “And I told myself just that morning that I just wanted to be average, I didn't want to be special. I just wanted to survive. And I didn't feel like I was surviving, and I'm not sure why? I mean I was, we were getting through it. I guess maybe surviving meant getting through school without as much emotional issues? So of course I took the squip because if I could be cool and date Christine, I believed that everything else would just go away. I was wrong of course, but here we are.</p><p> </p><p>“So I took the squip and right away it wanted me to buy a new shirt and I ran into Brooke and Chloe and ended up going to Pinkberry with Brooke after the squip told me that if I wanted to be cool I had to. And things just... happened from there. It would shock me when I did things it didn't like. When Chloe was drunk at the party it froze me in place so I couldn't move because apparently having sex was the best move right then, after spurning Brooke and I honestly felt really bad for her especially for listening to the squip but it kept saying I had to listen for things to work and even shocking me when I didn't listen and it was a lot.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a panic attack, I guess, and then you talked me out of it, which thank you for that. And then you told me a bunch of things I wasn't ready to accept even though I was traumatized by what happened and wasn't sure I had made the right choice. So I called you a loser and told you were dragging me down. I mean... I never had told you that to your face but I did feel that way. I felt like you were a loser for being so content with being the bottom of the food chain. For being into retro things instead of going for new things. And you also fit the typical bully definition of a loser better than I did overall. So that didn't help. Anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“I did feel like you were always dragging me down. Because I had felt like that since that one field trip in like third grade at the zoo where all the kids were having fun things but you got sensory overload and I stayed with you and didn't have nearly as much fun as everyone else, didn't get to see the animals I wanted to see. It became more obvious after that that I kept being held back from fun things because it was always something with you. But I wanted to be a good friend so I stayed with you because you couldn't say anything about me staying or going because of it. And yeah you got better, but we both got used to not doing the same things as everyone else so even when you probably could handle it we held ourselves back during field trips.</p><p> </p><p>“And even after that, you still had different needs I was always catering to because it's not something you were willing to compromise on and for the longest time I didn't realize that it wasn't about a matter of will. That you really couldn't compromise on those things, that trying would make things harder. Not until I tried to do things with this stupid anxiety and now I'm in the musical and so much has happened and even though I do have free time I feel like I never have any so suddenly you not wanting to do things makes way more sense because you probably were like conserving energy or something. But it didn't feel that way to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich was now fidgeting, wanting to say something but knowing it was a bad idea. Michael nudged him knowingly, having the same exact thoughts. Mr. Heere just looked absolutely floored and depressed by everything Jeremy was saying.</p><p><br/>Jeremy took the water that one of Michael's moms had just passed out and drank it gratefully before continuing. “And then with the move... it was clear from how you let me lean on you that you were better. I kind of felt like that meant cured for some reason but we've established that my emotions are idiots. So I moved back and you were still content to be weird and not move up socially, didn't seem to care about bullying, and you weren't saying the... buzz words I needed about going after Christine and making friends. So it really felt like you were purposefully holding me back sometimes. Like, I half expected you to keep coming back to playing games in your basement or something.”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head. “Clearly there were a lot of me problems. And I had no idea... I thought things would go back to normal after the squip was removed, but then despite coming to help me out, you didn't come visit me in the hospital, and then basically ignored me. I wanted you to text first, I don't know why now that I think about it it's stupid because I needed to apologize for what I said to you. And after acting like our friendship was over, it's a miracle you did help out, and really it shouldn't have been on you to text me first.</p><p> </p><p>“And I certainly don't blame you for giving up on me. I didn't realize how selfish I've been. How whiny I sounded until I saw my texts out of context of my feelings at the time. The closer to today they are, the harder it is to separate it out, but... after that squip, I'm a different person, so it's hard to remember that mindset completely. And you did try to help.. I don't remember some of the advice, some of the ones I do remember, I don't know why I didn't at least give it a try, and there's a lot more than I expected of you trying to give advice that's practically the opposite of what works for you. I also noticed that while you didn't always take the hint on the first dismissal, you usually figured it out between the third and fifth times at the latest.” Jeremy sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“But yeah, most unforgivable was never asking you about your life and being dismissive whenever you tried to bring it up. I wish you had outright told me. You should've outright told me. I deserved to know. But looking at my reactions to the minor stuff... I can understand why you'd be scared to. It's... it's not easy to make that leap. I'm still hurt you kept it secret, even if that was mostly unintentionally. But I can understand it. None of us really made the greatest decisions, but felt like we were totally backed into a corner, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just a bit,” Michael smiled a little. “If you don't mind, I do have a couple more thoughts on the secret thing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, uh sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think what was holding me back is that pesky ADHD thing, RSD. It's... basically it means that I feel rejected when there's no rejection going on. Sometimes even just a slightly negative comment will hit so hard its like someone died. And I hate that feeling. It's not fun to go through, and it's completely irrational, so I have to remind myself to go over what was said and go 'see? There's no rejection there!' And that really sucks. I get scared of having that feeling again, so I do everything I can to keep the peace to avoid experiencing it. That's probably why I never did more than light probing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. Doesn't make right. But that makes sense.” Jeremy sighed. “I'm sorry about everything. Especially for not communicating properly, and for not being a good friend. I should've talked about my feelings, we could've come up with a different protocol for field trips so I could have fun, but I left it and everything festered. I really shouldn't've. It wasn't fair of me. I shouldn't've said what I did, I shouldn't've attacked you either. I'm sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Michael responded softly. “That means a lot to me. And for what it's worth? I'm sorry for all of my mistakes. I would like to learn from them, though I'm not entirely clear on what went wrong or even all of them.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'll communicate if it comes up,” Jeremy promised.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don't you kids go down to the basement and relax for a bit?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael perked up a bit. “Really?”<br/><br/>“Yeah, go ahead and make yourselves some root beer floats if you want.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Yes!” Rich cheered, jumping up and making a dash for the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>Michael watched him fondly before turning Jeremy. “You up for it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um. Yeah. I guess.” Jeremy followed them nervously.</p><p> </p><p>Once the root beer floats were finished, they left the adults to their conversation to go have fun and get away from the heavy conversation. Michael and Rich had already fell into their usual dynamic of joking around as they headed down the stairs. Jeremy trailed after them awkwardly, with hindsight, it was easy to tell why Michael didn't think much of the bullying. It was clear that was just their dynamic and the way Rich was. It was weird to think about Rich pranking him as his way of trying to make friends. Come to think of it, all the cool kids had actually been friendly in different ways. Ways that now that he knew better were just the way they were.</p><p> </p><p>Michael claimed a bean bag chair, the 'best' one. Rich grumbled and gave him a look before taking the other one. Jeremy frowned but he was behind them so he tried to shrug it off and take the couch. He knew it was probably their habit by now, and they weren't trying to leave him out. He couldn't help but feel regret that he couldn't take the bean bag chair just like old times.</p><p> </p><p>He idly started eating the ice cream, still watching and listening to Rich and Michael go back and forth about something he wasn't understanding. That was the problem now, wasn't it? He and Michael were complete strangers. It would be hard to rekindle any friendship with all the baggage they were carrying. Unless...</p><p> </p><p>“Can we just start over?” he blurted out, then blushed when Michael and Rich looked at him. “I mean. Friendship. I know we have feelings we need to work through and they won't just go away, but I think... I think it's better if we start our friendship from scratch instead of trying to rebuild it.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael considered it, then nodded. “That makes sense. So where do you want to start?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know... what's typical teenager things?”</p><p> </p><p>“How about riding in a shopping cart through a parking lot like idiots?” Michael suggested with a big, teasing grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Or wearing fishnets with tennis shoes because we can, even if it's not fashionable?” Rich added in.</p><p> </p><p>“...how do you two come up with these things?”</p><p> </p><p>“The internet,” they responded in chorus.</p><p> </p><p>“Mostly tiktok, honestly,” Michael elaborated. “So you got something?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know, a black hoodie with a glow in the dark alien?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that'd be hilarious at a party.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy smiled slightly. “Okay. Maybe we should just get to know each other?”</p><p> </p><p>He had no idea what he was getting into when he asked Rich to elaborate on his conspiracy theories. Michael ended up showing off the purple eclipse thing he did a long time ago along with several other pieces throughout the years. They ended up having fun and playing games before Jeremy's dad decided it was time to go.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy winced. “I'm sure I'm in for an earful. I never told him about the squip, I'm surprised he never interrupted when it was brought up. And I'm probably in trouble for being violent. ...and I need to clear the air with him too.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded. “Make sure you talk to your therapist soon, that'll help a lot. Help you sort out the feelings more properly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right... Good point. And another person I owe and apology...” Jeremy sighed. “Well, I'll let you know what happens. But... I did have fun.”<br/><br/>“Good.” Rich grinned. “Can you call off Jake and Brooke? They've been getting on Chloe and Jenna and those two aren't exactly taking it well, though they're hiding it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shoot yeah, I need to tell them what happened. Anyways, see ya at school on Monday, I suppose.” He waved before heading upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>All three teens felt relieved, but it also felt like something had been accomplished that day.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just what happens after.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michael wasn't sure what was going to happen next. He texted Jenna and Chloe with updates. Then as an after thought sent a text to Christine thanking her for helping Jeremy. He thought things would be okay, though he wasn't sure he and Jeremy would ever be close friends again.</p><p> </p><p>They just didn't have much in common anymore. Especially since Michael had found his niche, had an idea for college and careers, and Jeremy was still figuring that out. And they had hurt each other far too much.</p><p> </p><p>That was what Michael was thinking about the most as he went to bed that night. How much he and Jeremy had hurt each other. How much he hadn't realized he hurt Jeremy by needing him so much. How much their dynamic had depended on that. It wasn't fair of him to always ask Jeremy to stay around so much, just like it wasn't fair of Jeremy to keep dumping everything on him. It was rough, but he had a bigger picture of how Jeremy felt, and he felt like that really helped his understanding overall.</p><p> </p><p>Jeremy had never explained himself, just like Michael had. For different reasons; Michael had very real fears and concerns about the fallout, while Jeremy was just... clueless about the depths of his feelings. It wasn't wrong. It'd only be a problem if Jeremy continued to deny there was a problem.</p><p> </p><p>But still... Michael had known he had some culpability in what had happened. He was just having a hard time wrapping his head around just how much. He had known Jeremy was suffering, but to know that Jeremy had resented him so much he wanted him to deal with being the emotional support on his own like he had? That hurt, and he felt extremely guilty.</p><p> </p><p>After rolling over yet again, Michael gave up with a sigh and grabbed a paper and pen to write down his thoughts and feelings, doing that breathing exercise the therapist taught him. It only somewhat helped. But at least the thoughts and feelings were written down in a semi coherent way instead of just bouncing in his head back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>Really, though. What stood out the most was that it really was his fault. And that sucked because he had always tried to do what was best for Jeremy while keeping his sanity intact. He grabbed his head and closed his eyes, trying to ease the pain and guilt.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, it's okay.” Tony patted his back. “It's not entirely your fault. It's perfectly acceptable to leave behind friends who aren't good for your mental health. You tried to stay, you tried to help, even when it led to breakdowns at times. And now you've somewhat made up, starting from scratch. That's something, at least, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I guess... I just... I just wish I'd known so I could've fixed it. So I could've let him do those things he missed out on. So he could've made other friends. He... I only made him worse. He didn't need me, I needed him, and then the roles reversed and I handled it so much worse than he did. How did he stay so strong for so long?” Michael closed his eyes tightly, wincing a little as the hot tears finally started making their escape.</p><p> </p><p>“You're such a martyr.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“You would rather see everyone else be happy and safe than take care of yourself. The only reason you take care of your mental health is you know from experience how bad that can get. And even then you push yourself too hard, getting yourself to the point of near meltdown before you take a step back. It's not a healthy mindset. You need to take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. Jeremy moving away was the best thing that could've happened to you. How stagnant and complacent would you have been if he hadn't? Where would your mental health be after this squip incident without me? Without Rich, without your art and without the musical. Where would your grades be? Yes, it's undeniable you leaned on Jeremy too much. It's also undeniable that he did nothing to stop you and at times even encouraged it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess... Is it so wrong to want to see everyone be happy?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, but those who truly care about you will not want to see you collapse and need a break and even get depressed if you push yourself too far. There is a proper balance between taking care of yourself and not being selfish, and you still need to learn that balance. And even then, even if there's no way you could handle a party? Some people will always claim it's selfish of you to put yourself ahead of things, even if going to the party would mean you'd be huddled in the corner on the verge of a meltdown.”</p><p> </p><p>“You.... you're right. I just... I'd been so blind and selfish about what Jeremy was going through, it's no wonder that Brooke and Jake were so mad at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony sighed. “There's that martyr complex again. If there's a way to make it your fault, it is your fault. That's the way you think. It's not a bad thing to be able to take responsibility for your actions, but that doesn't mean Jeremy isn't responsible for his side either, regardless of how emotional you both were. He was resentful, and chose to not communicate that. He chose to keep being your friend. I don't know why, and I'm sure that's part of your issue with processing it right now, but he still made the choice. Yes, you could've been more self aware, and told him to do the fun things he wanted to do. But you know what? The adults could've taken notice, especially your teachers. They could've helped you out so you didn't need him by your side all the time. You've both said some hurtful things, you've both had an attitude. Own those things. Own your cluelessness, but not one more ounce of what you're actually guilty of, okay? You shouldn't drown in guilt for things that weren't really your fault, and you shouldn't blow those things out of proportion. And all the adults in your lives played a decent part in your younger years especially, like it or not, so some blame will lie with them. And their actions especially are not your fault. They're supposed to know better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right...” Michael let out a weak chuckle. “Those rotten adults...” he couldn't help but quote Persona 5. He still preferred retro games, but Rich tended to be very into modern games, and loved that game.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. Now, do you need to talk some more or do you think you can get some sleep? Or should I go all Princess Luna on you?”</p><p> </p><p>“...only if it takes me more than thirty minutes to fall asleep. You know it takes a while when it's too early.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Now shoo, off to bed.”</p><p><br/>“I'm in bed.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Then get under the covers and lay down and close those eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay.” To Michael's surprise the next morning, he was out in fifteen minutes.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, it was in the afternoon that Michael got a text from Jeremy. He stared at the notification for a few minutes. Debating with himself on if he wanted to deal with it right now. Which, in hindsight, was a huge indicator of how far their friendship had fallen, that even looking at Jeremy's texts was something to 'deal' with.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So I'm grounded. Dad gave me a huge lecture on violence and not giving into anger and stuff. I guess it's like that whole thing of mental health issues are valid but the most important thing is how you deal with them, huh? Anyways, we did have a decent heart to heart and stuff. It was weird, and awkward. But we talked at least. Right, grounded. Which means no friends, no going anywhere besides musical practice after school, and I only get a limited amount of time to text friends, and he wants me to let him know if I feel like I need their support more than that. Which is weird, but I guess that works. Wow this has gotten long.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Whoa, that's a lot. I'm glad you and your dad finally talked. You needed to, dude. Glad you can still text friends, though why are you texting me?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I dunno, we do still need to get to know each other right? I mean, from scratch. And our classes don't really line up, and Jake and Brooke seem reluctant to let everything go when I texted them. I don't really get that.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, I do. You know how the squip had kind of initiated a hive mind, and everyone was really heavily connected? They got a big dose of how you feel. That's why even though Jenna and Chloe have been sticking more with me they still try to talk to you and stuff. Now that I think about it, I'm a little surprised Brooke is sticking around so heavily knowing that the squip was just making you use her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh. Right. Yeah, that's fair. I guess I'll have to talk to them in person. It's kind fo fhard to talk about all this ove text.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Don't I know it. Wanna just do 20 questions then? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ohhh, yeah that'd work</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cool. I'll start. What's your favorite academic class? Mine is pre-calc.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Uh... literature, I guess. I like looking at stories and stuff. It's fun.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Okay cool. That is a change for both of us, isn't it?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Huh. Yeah, you're right. So okay, um. What's your favorite non-academic class??/</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, that's easy. My advanced drawing techniques class. We've been doing some cool things there. You?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You really got into art while I was gone, huh? Um. I like choir, it's not bad. But then I don't really take any electives that aren't academic? So yeah.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah. Right, that makes sense. Favorite childhood memory?</em>
</p><p>
  <em><br/>Oh haha remember the time we found a hole in a fence by train tracks and were being all enthusiastic about it? And we were with other kids, and you were actually having fun, so evne though we got int os omuch trouble I treasured th at mmeory for a long time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Really? I only kind fo vaguely recall that. My favorite memory is the time we swung on the swings talking for hours, up until the sunset and since it was fall, it set earlier than we realized so we both freaked out a bit only to go home and it was just dinner time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Huh. Yeah, that was fun. My legs were so sore that day. Um. Place you want to visit most? I think I want to visit cliffs by the seaside. Something about the diea of just sitting inr ocsk and looking over the otcean just areally appeals to me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That's cool. I really would like to go backpacking in mountains, like exploring all those forests, seeing snow at the peaks when it's not really winter anymore... just looking over that gorgeous landscape. I'd get sooo much inspiration for my art. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I never would've pictured that for you, I thought like some kind of convention or museum or something would eb thet top pick for you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yeah, thatw as a huge change.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They continued on with the game, almost every answer giving them some new information about each other. Michael had a lot of fun with it. It seemed that maybe things could actually be okay between him and Jeremy. He was quite happy with that. He knew he'd have to have a talk about boundaries later on. It was a talk he had with all his friends and periodically revisited. That was why they were always so accommodating. Sometimes a little too much, actually. But overall, making sure they understood what he could and couldn't do and why had really helped over the years.</p><p> </p><p>Once the conversation ended he returned his attention to family time. Rich was lounging and scrolling on his phone and Mom was doing some crossword puzzles. Mama was at work unfortunately. Michael moved over to Rich to see what he's up to.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I really love these writing prompts, I haven't tried writing, but like they make me so excited! Like this one! 'The zombie apocalypse has arrived, wiping out most of the population within a few days. However, because most of the infrastructure of the world is automated by robots, grocery stores remain stocked, power remains on, farms continue to grow food, tv and radio stations continue to show re-runs.' Can you imagine what that'd be like? It's such a unique idea, that everything keeps although the zombies sometimes get in the way and just... wow. It's so much fun to think about!”</p><p> </p><p>“That's pretty cool. Any others you like?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, this one. 'A zombie apocalypse has started. A group of (mostly) nerds go to fight them only to discover that these zombies fit into almost none of the cliches they know. What do they do now?' I figure they could just do trial and error, like in video games right? And even when there's cliches in zombies, every movie has their own twist so it's pretty interesting seeing how people do that differently, so the more zombie movies and games they've seen the easier time they'll have with that one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Do you have a favorite?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, I do. Basically you have a friend that's a conspiracy theorist and talks about conspiracies all the time. You go to visit them, and the person at the door tells you they've lived there for six months and no one by that name lives there.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's just because that practically happened to me isn't it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. Still hilarious.” Rich then continued on with some other writing prompts and how he thought he'd approach them.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually they left the house. Mom did not want to cook, so off to the diner they went. Rich and Michael were quite happy about that. It was their favorite place after all. Not too fancy, but not too grubby or anything. Great food. They ordered their favorites and sat and talked a lot about everything and anything.</p><p> </p><p>Mom did want to touch base with how Michael felt and that didn't exactly go as anyone expected. “Michael, after yesterday, how do you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged awkwardly and took a quick drink to wash down some food. “I just... I feel so guilty for not understanding Jeremy, for making him stick with me all the time. It kept me up last night until Tony calmed me down.”</p><p> </p><p>“And... what did he tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael smiled wryly. “Told me to stop being a martyr, to take responsibility for my actions and mine alone, and pointed out that the teachers could've done more. But that doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty for not doing more. Because I've invested so much time into helping Jeremy and it turned out I did it all wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh honey, you didn't. You did your best, and your mama and I were talking last night with Mr. Heere, and all three of us would've stepped away from the situation long before you even thought about it. It'll be okay. Don't you worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “That's what Tony said, but I think I need to talk to my therapist about it. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it 'cause I spent so much time trying to convince myself I was doing all I can. I guess I compensated by going the opposite direction which wasn't exactly the right move either. It's.... hard. I remember how happy Jeremy was, and I don't think he ever showed any signs of resentment, and I think I apologized sometimes that he got stuck with me. I think that sometimes I wasn't aware I needed to apologize for that? But then I was a little kid, so I shouldn't be holding it against myself. But then Jeremy had been and...” Michael shook his head and munched on some food.</p><p> </p><p>“That's what makes me so mad about this situation,” Rich admitted. “You didn't have to try so hard. You could've walked away once he was on the road to recovery, or before that when you didn't know he was that bad. But you didn't, and I know that some meltdowns occurred because of that 'cause there's no way you would've had them at that time otherwise. I knew your patterns within a couple months.”</p><p> </p><p>“And it was our fault too, all of us parents encouraged the friendship because we were just so happy that you had a friend and weren't alone. And Mr. Heere and even his ex-wife thought that it was good for Jeremy to have a true friendship so young. None of us considered what he was giving up for that, or what he actually wanted. But honey, we can't just look to the past, we need to look to the future. You did the best you could, and so did we. We'd make different choices now, but that's because of time, and because we're different people now than we were back then. You've grown so much, we've had so many foster kids come through the house...” She shook her head. “Yes, you did seem to have handled things incorrectly for Jeremy. But the blame lies with him too because he didn't try to communicate it to you. I think it's a great idea that you talk to your therapist. I also think it's time to drop the blame game, because that's not going to help anyone, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael nodded slowly. “I guess you're right...” He sighed. “I just... I spent two years with me being his only support and I'm used to that, and I don't know how to handle our new friendship without that. You know? We're trying to start from scratch, and it did go well, but I'm worried we'll fall back into old habits.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's what we're for.” Rich slung an arm around Michael. “Your friends. We'll keep you on the straight and narrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really? Like that time we all decided to goof off in a playground at night and nearly injured ourselves sitting on the equipment where no one's supposed to be?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on, it's not like we did anything we could get in trouble for.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Still was a questionable decision.” Michael teased lightly with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>And with that the light hearted atmosphere was back. They finished up their dinner and dessert, Mom paid and then they went home to watch a movie. They ended up watching the latest Disney movie that was out and having fun with that. There wasn't a dry eye that night, though.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>With that, it was Monday again. The last week of school before Christmas break. Which started Thursday with Christmas Eve. Michael was feeling a little better, but was wishing he could see the therapist again that week. Unfortunately, his next appointment wasn't until after the New Years. He could probably get in if it was an emergency, but he didn't think it was yet, anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Jake and Brooke still seemed to be on edge. Michael chose to ignore them as much as he could as he went about his day. Following usual routines. Christine at least seemed far less stressed, and relaxed in theater and AP lit, which was nice. They had some good conversations, carefully avoiding the topic of Jeremy.</p><p><br/>But then, lunch happened. Michael did his usual thing and bought some food and a slushie from 7-11, enjoying that he wasn't limping quite as bad and could actually do that now.</p><p> </p><p>He had just sat down with Rich and Chloe when Jeremy appeared. “Mind if we join you?” he asked tentatively. Christine was with him, but it looked like Brooke may still have been in line for lunch.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no, not at all.” They moved to accommodate them. <br/><br/></p><p>There was an awkward silence before it was broken by Chloe asking a question about math. Then the dam broke and more casual conversation started up. Chloe shared some gossip with Christine, who was surprisingly interested for someone who didn't usually keep up with that. Christine had banana juice once again, though that was the only thing she had brought from home.</p><p> </p><p>Rich had stuck with cafeteria food, which worked out fine for him. It was a good day to eat lunch there, but it wasn't Michael's favorite. Hence his usual stop. He enjoyed his slushie as the conversation picked up a bit more about the musical, though he wasn't sure he wanted to join in himself. It was more interesting to listen to what the others had to say about it.</p><p> </p><p>Then Brooke showed up, it seemed she had been at the back of the line. She stared in shock. “Did they apologize?” she asked Jeremy.</p><p> </p><p>“We all apologized,” Jeremy answered firmly. “And you need to too for bothering them so much about it all. It wasn't very helpful.”</p><p><br/>Brooke scoffed. “Oh come on, you went through so much.”<br/><br/>“And so did Michael. I don't blame him for not wanting to talk to me after everything. Especially considering I called him a loser and assumed he wasn't cool, didn't have any other friends besides me.”<br/><br/></p><p>“What brought on this change of heart?”</p><p> </p><p>“We had a serious conversation Saturday because our parents got involved,” Jeremy answered flatly. “It wasn't a pleasant experience, and Michael apparently had saved all of my texts from him dating back to when I moved. I was very self-centered and whiny in those texts, and left him no doubts about my issues. The real problem was the lack of communication about why I didn't want to take his advice so he didn't know what he was doing wrong. And yes, maybe it should've been obvious, but Michael isn't good at that sort of thing. Better than he was, sure, but still something he has issues with. He's always had issues with understanding other people without it being explained to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“But he's so empathetic all the time!” Brooke protested.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Michael sighed. “Because everyone tells me why they're upset right away and I can understand where they're coming from. You know I'm autistic, this is an autism thing. And maybe an ADHD thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>There was awkward silence. This time Rich was the one who broke it. “So I've been looking at writing prompts lately...” Michael let his head fall to the table with a groan. Rich ignored him. “Listen to this one. 'I didn't know what to do, I just know it needed to stop. Grave after grave after grave. I got tired of burying my friends.' Isn't that one cool? Like can you imagine what could've led to that? It could be a post apocalyptic world with zombies or nuclear fallout. It could be a war story based in any time period. It could be a space story or a fantasy story. There's just way too many possibilities!” Rich bounced excitedly.</p><p> </p><p>“And like, I was thinking it could be really interesting to figure out what it would be, like. Maybe it is nuclear fallout and people are trying to survive in the aftermath. Or war. War would probably be easier actually, but it's probably so over done. Or maybe the person was cursed goes on an adventure to stop the deaths. Just... so many ideas!”</p><p> </p><p>Christine seemed pretty interested now, while the others were looking at him in shock, aside from Michael. Michael was trying to melt into the table, grumbling under his breath about being tired of this.</p><p> </p><p>“That could be a good one to write. I like the cursed idea the most. Maybe... everyone they touch gets a target on their back or something? And that's what kills them? That'd be interesting. And maybe it's a curse that activated on them because they hit some arbitrary requirement on a curse that was cast on their family, so they're the only one that has it, and now they have to figure out what their ancestor did to get the curse and find out how to get rid of it. And then they of course end up with traveling companions they can't touch at all...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah! Maybe the prompt is like the beginning of the story when they're only starting to get the idea they're cursed, and then find someone who proves that they're cursed! And the ancestor fulfills the same requirement they do but no one else does so the curse had been forgotten over the generations, other than finding it odd that there was no one like that for so long. Or that one came along.” Rich was still enthusiastic about it.</p><p><br/>Christine was just as enthusiastic. “Yeah! Then maybe it turns out that they just need to make up for the reason their ancestor was cursed. Ooooooh even better, the person that cursed them has been dead for years, so it takes a lot of searching to even find what the curse was! It then turns into a thing like in Holes, where the curse was unknowingly broken!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah. Even better, maybe they'd gotten injured saving one of their traveling companions, and didn't know that their skin was touched at all during being healed, but nothing happens, so they don't even know for like, half the story that they had already broken the curse. That would be so much fun to write, but I have so many ideas like this that I don't know where to start!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that's it!” Michael said loudly. “Please Christine, please please be the one to deal with Rich and his newfound love of writing prompts. I can't deal with the constant influx of creativity I don't get,” he pleaded with Christine. “I don't mind him being adorably excited like that but I can't keep up, I'm good and creative at art, and theater not with... making my own stories up. You know I can barely handle AP lit as it is.”</p><p> </p><p>Rich winced. “Oops, sorry dude, didn't think about that. I'll try to tone it down, and just text Christine instead?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I'd love that.” Christine beamed. “While theater is my favorite thing and I want to be an actress, I do love writing stories. I can give you some pointers.”</p><p> </p><p>“That'd be great!”</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed in relief. He looked at Jeremy. “He really has the hyperactivity of ADHD down,” he commented dryly. “While I've never been nearly that hyperactive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, still find it hard to believe you actually have ADHD.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “It's all in the inability to focus, the talking too much, impulse control, and some of my issues with emotions and feeling rejected. Hyperactivity is just a way of the brain expressing its boredom with what its doing, sometimes. Other times well, we just kind of run on a motor even when exhausted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah, it's pretty hilarious,” Brooke cut in. She had still been eyeing him suspiciously but hey at least she spoke up and said something this time. “They get so weird when they're exhausted, but its like they both suddenly had a dangerous combination of sugar and caffeine and they're bouncing off the walls.”</p><p> </p><p>Chloe nodded. “It's a clear sign it's time to make them go home or to bed. Doesn't usually happen until after like midnight unless they've been getting too little sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh... When I left, Michael and I had barely gotten to a point we were allowed to stay up for sleepovers, and even then we tended to be reasonable. I don't think I've ever seen that...” Jeremy eyed Michael again, trying to fit this new information in with the old. He could see it, now that he really thought about it, but it was still something <em>new.</em></p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “We hadn't really ever hit my limit. When I'm well rested I have trouble getting to sleep before midnight. It's why I seem so zombie like sometimes. Insomnia is a side effect of things like ADHD, though I don't think I actually have it. I haven't had nights were I couldn't sleep for the whole night. Just like... most of it. My record was three hours of sleep. That was a rough day.”</p><p><br/>“Pretty sure you took several naps that day too.”</p><p> </p><p>They all tuned into the conversation between Rich and Christine to find them comparing notes on varying prompts. “I like this one. 'She stared at her bloodstained hands as she backed away from his body. “I'm so sorry,” she whispered, silent tears running down her cheek. “I'm so sorry!” It reminds me of a script run we did in theater class once. That was fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh cool. Here's one. I don't like the simple ones much, they're not very thought provoking because there's just... too many possibilities. 'This was not what she was expecting when he invited her to a picnic in the park.'. Like... that could go in so many good or terrible directions. It could mean a proposal. It could mean an abduction. Give me a little more than that. I don't like being overwhelmed with too many possibilities.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't like complicated ones, either. You're right about the simple ones, but sometimes they're so complicated that there's only like one conclusion you can come to and yet somehow everyone disagrees on what that is. Anyways, this one is more my speed. 'Her best friend was missing and nobody had a clue why. She lay on her bed and hugged her pillow, and that's when she heard it, a scrunching sound. When she looked inside, there was an envelope with her name on- in her missing friend's handwriting.' There's some really good possibilities here. Maybe she ran away, maybe she had put that note there for some reason but then got abducted. It's just... so full of possibilities.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooooh, yeah, I could see that. Like her friend was running away because of the pressure and no one knew how bad it got, and the only real hint towards it was this letter that she left her best friend, and maybe that person even tries to keep it secret because they don't want things to escalate, and they want their friend to be happy!”</p><p> </p><p>“Right!?”</p><p> </p><p>“This one's kind of funny. 'A private detective gets hired by a woman to solve a murder. He then learns the woman that hired him was the victim. And she died a year ago today.' That one just oozes soo much creepy vibes, doesn't it? I think though what I'd do is she left a letter that was forwarded to the private detective with the initial money as stipulated in her will, and no one knew, because she had known she was possibly going to be murdered and I just think that'd be really interesting to write, if I could figure out how to write mystery at all. It seems really complicated because everything has to fit together just so to make the story work.”</p><p> </p><p>Before the two could continue, the bell rang. Michael stood and stretched. “Well, off to art. Enjoy your classes!” He waved jauntily before heading off, humming to himself. He was pretty happy with how the class was going. He had finished his painting of the mermaid with the orange-red tail and drawing a mermaid's head with blue scales in decent time, thanks to working on the drawing at home. He was pretty proud of the end results and couldn't wait to hang them in his room, right next to the purple eclipse he'd done so long ago.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>After a decent afternoon of classes, it was time for musical practice once again. They were still practicing lines and songs of course. No blocking, yet. Even Chloe was starting to get the lines down at this point, which was good. By the time the musical actually came around there was no way anyone would actually forget their lines. In Michael's experience, that usually stopped by the end of January, though the occasional missed line continued on through March, though no one really didn't wanted to miss a line once March hit because that was when the teacher started bringing out punishments meant to help them improve. And improve they did.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, it was when he arrived at practice, he learned that introducing Christine to Rich's new writing prompt obsess was both a good and a bad thing. Jeremy, the only other person there so far, looked super relieved to see him as Christine and Rich were already going on and on.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank goodness it's not just me. It can be interesting, but it's so awkward sitting here alone listening to them go on and on,” he whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed. “Oh, yeah, I know that feeling.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, on a related one, here's one I think is even better.” Rich laughed. “'You are a professor who has been studying gods and goddesses for years, from religions, cultures, and mythology. One day while you are in your house, someone knocks the door. It's a god who was just created a few minutes ago for a character design challenge. Now they want your advice on how to be a god.' Now this one could be interesting. So many theories and stuff on gods and goddesses and how that work would come into play.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah I like this one. Even better if the new god was one with some kind of lame powers, or something like the God of Technology, which never really came up in mythology or anything, unless you count Hephaestus. Since you know, character design challenge and all. Now just imagine this professor inviting the god in because he didn't know where to start!”</p><p> </p><p>“Right? I mean, it could just be something like there's some easy put together list he happens to have lying around, but I like to think maybe the professor just has this study full of notes all spread out about the different gods and goddesses, and can't think of where to begin. Especially since his first thought is 'don't fuck your family and don't curse willy nilly because your feelings were hurt'. But you know, there needs to be a better way of expressing it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooooooh what if he comes up with a curriculum instead, and basically teaches morals and the modern world and access to the internet, and then teaches about the gods and lets the god figure it out on his own? Because current world influences probably will make it apparent what the old gods all did wrong and right. Which was very little right, but you know...”</p><p> </p><p>“That would be amazing!” Rich exclaimed. “And meanwhile the professor is kind of like 'why me of all people, I'm not the only one who studies these things' but it turns out they're considered kind of a leading expert now and they didn't even know it! Oh that would be hilarious.”</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Michael decided it was time to tune them out. He just didn't have the ability to keep up with their excitement about something he didn't understand the appeal of. Luckily, distractions had appeared in the form of the rest of their friends.</p><p> </p><p>Jake still seemed upset, so Michael turned to Jenna to talk to her about her day instead. He wasn't going to bother with Jake yet, not after what happened last week. If Jake hadn't insisted on that confrontation, Jeremy wouldn't have gotten violent so it would've been better. Well aside from how Jeremy had finally had the realization of just how badly he'd been wallowing in self-pity. But if it was so easy as giving him the physical copies of their text messages then it maybe could've happened at any point once Michael was tired of it.</p><p> </p><p>“So I think over all it was okay,” Jenna concluded her rundown of her day, minus any gossip she'd picked up. “Now wanna know what gossip I got today?”<br/><br/></p><p>“Ooooh I do I do.” Chloe came closer before Michael could answer. He rolled his eyes, but kept smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, a sophomore got a car and like everyone in his grade is totally jealous- and it's all his car or maybe it was a truck?. So he's already covered the back window with stickers, which isn't exactly a good idea safety wise but whatever. It's not huge gossip but I think its important 'cause this means that his parents have enough money to afford that and the insurance, which not everyone can, nor do they want to for someone who just got their license and this came out of nowhere. No one knew he was had a lot of money or anything, he doesn't talk about it. And, get this, girls in our grade are considering asking him out because of how fancy the car supposedly is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” Michael groaned. “Poor kid, doesn't know what he's getting into.”</p><p> </p><p>“No kidding. Some people are just way too shallow,” Chloe agreed.</p><p> </p><p>“The gossip about the fight you and Jeremy got into is finally dying down, but only because now everyone wants to know how you two made up when you were ignoring each other for weeks before that and just suddenly boom, you're talking again, which is pretty hilarious if you ask me. It was only a matter of time. There's some gossip about how we're only popular because of Chloe and Jake, which is an ongoing gossip I don't like to talk about but it's starting to get ridiculously hilarious because like Chloe and Jake are 'popular' but don't have many friends outside of us, so it's actually kind of funny that we're the most popular group in school when really, we shouldn't be. Speaking of, we should all expect some people approaching all of us trying to make friends. I think some might be genuine, but it's going to be the in thing to make it into this tightly knit group. And all they know we have in common is the play, aside from Rich, but then he's been inseparable from Michael for years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, actually, now that I think about it, why don't the others who were in the play feel the same way about Jeremy since they got infected with squips too?” Michael spoke up.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I'm pretty sure they do, it's just that they don't all have the same goals. Like, ultimately me, and Chloe and Brooke... Jake and Christine... We all wanted to be accepted for who we are. We felt pressure of the social hierarchy more than them. The others? They were in the play for fun. Because they like plays and stuff, and they weren't outcasts, nor were they super popular. They were in that happy medium that not many like to move away from.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. So, they got the same info dump but because they have different goals and thoughts and stuff, it didn't affect them afterwards as much. I wonder how the hive mind worked with them then.”</p><p> </p><p>Jenna shrugged. “From what I know I'm pretty sure they just didn't have different enough goals and stuff to be incompatible. But they're not going to be all buddy-buddy with everyone. After all, they weren't trying to be popular or get someone else the way that we all were.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. That makes sense. Wonder how that affected Mr. Reyes.”<br/><br/></p><p>“I heard that he's taking a sabbatical now because it 'opened his eyes to his worst flaws' or something. He wasn't that great so I'm okay with that.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael grimaced. “Oh yeah, he's not up to the standards of the musical at all. So glad he's never had to direct one. Musicals are the most viewed performance of the school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wow. I knew they were popular but not that popular.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, any other bit of gossip?” Chloe broke in eagerly.</p><p> </p><p>“Some people are speculating about Rich just because they haven't seen him around his house since the fire, and people are speculating he's dating Michael, that ones not pretty big. I can spread that he's being fostered or whatever, but I'll check with him when he's not going on about writing with Christine. Oh, right, Jake,” Jenna turned to him. “People are talking about how your parents are on the run and you don't have a house anymore. A lot of them are wondering why you still lived there if the police knew your parents were on the run.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I didn't. I lived with my aunts, and most of my stuff was at their place already. It was just easier to hang out and stuff at my old house, since it was still in my name. Got off lucky, the bank nearly seized it because of how much my parents owed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to spread that around, or keep it to myself?”</p><p> </p><p>“Eh, doesn't matter that much. I was never keeping it secret, I'm just surprised the gossip mill never really picked up on it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, got it.” Jenna then went on to give more bits of gossip here and there, no real juicy ones beyond gossip about who may have lost their virginity and where people were going on vacation.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed and stretched at the end of practice. They were doing well on the script reading, though now they were to put more emotion into it. Michael was used to it, and Rich and Jenna did surprisingly well with it for having little to no experience in acting. Christine, of course, did excellent. But everyone else? Not so much, which meant listening to the same lines over and over again until they reached an acceptable level of emotion. It was only going to get worse once they started acting the scenes out, but at least then they'd be moving, not sitting in a circle practicing.</p><p> </p><p>“So which car do you got today?” Jeremy asked him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, the Toyota again. I can't complain about having a car to drive. What about you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I got a ride with Jake this morning. Getting a ride home with Christine today. Wish I could drive more often than I do though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, yeah, I get it dude. That sucks a bit. Well, see ya tomorrow.” Michael waved before moving to attempt to catch up with Rich, not easy with his limp.</p><p> </p><p>“So, dinner before practice?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! I can't wait, I get to be out on the ice today!” Rich grinned enthusiastically. Michael laughed.</p><p><br/>“Oh that's right. I wish I could be, but I have to wait a few more days before I can. Or until New Years.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, which is unfortunate. Oh, right, what do you do for Christmas anyways? We've already decorated, but I know your heritage isn't all y'know.”</p><p><br/>“Oh, we basically follow Mama's traditions Christmas Eve and Mom's Christmas day.” Michael went on to describe some of the foods involved along with what those traditions were. “And then Boxing day we see both sides of the family, one for lunch and the other for dinner. Don't worry, you'll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope so... I don't to screw anything up.”</p><p><br/>“Trust me, you can't screw up any more than the time that Jeremy had to stay with us Christmas Eve because an emergency came up with his parents. He's Jewish, so they've only ever really celebrated Hanukkah at this time of year.” Michael slung his arm around him for the last few feet to the car. “It was a hilarious disaster. Just don't bring it up to him. I'm pretty sure he's still embarrassed about it even though it was like five years ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, got it. Don't bring up the disastrous time he was over Christmas Eve.” Rich nodded, though he really did want to know what happened. “You know, up until I saw your traditions for putting up the tree and cookies and stuff, I always kind of thought you had the same sort of Christmas everyone else does.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “Everyone does different traditions. Like, Christians? They tend to have a manger and stable scene set up but Jesus doesn't get put in until Christmas Day, and all the decorations stay up until Epiphany, when the Wise Men arrive with their gifts. Some families bake cookies together, watch certain movies, wrap gifts... all sorts of things. Yeah, there are a lot of common denominators on them, but not a single family does the same thing as another, even siblings once they grow up and have their own family, since they incorporate their spouses traditions in too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought about it like that... After mom died, we did the bare minimum for Christmas, mostly what dad thought others expected to see, and that was it. And I hardly remember what Christmas' were like before Mom died...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I'm sorry man.” They got into the car. “It really does vary though. Not every family bakes cookies, not every family gives a lot of gifts, heck every family has a different method for opening gifts. Sometimes it's youngest to oldest or oldest to youngest and others have it be everyone all at once. Some families will do a small gift exchange on Christmas Eve and then everything else Christmas Day, and other families will only open presents on Christmas day. Some families are big on stockings, some families aren't.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, how do you even know this?” Rich asked incredulously.</p><p> </p><p>“Have I ever mentioned that the latino side of the family is mostly Christian?” Michael responded dryly. “They respect my moms though. They chose to see it as a matter of 'well they know it's a sin so it's between them and God now' instead of how the stereotypical Christian does. Which is nice. I would miss seeing my cousins occasionally. Anyways, a lot of them do have different traditions, and I used to compare with my cousins when we were younger whenever I wasn't feeling overwhelmed.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Wait, how big is that side of the family? It's going to be a lot isn't it?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed. “Oh, it's just my grandparents and my mom's siblings and spouses and their kids... so... fifteen or so? My mom has three siblings, all married with at least one kid. It won't be that bad. We'll probably be renting space from a restaurant or something again. That's always a blast.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well thanks for the heads up.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Yeah, no problem. Don't forget to ask if you have questions. Sometimes we all forget that while you've been over a lot over the last couple of years, you still don't know all our traditions or anything. We don't want you to feel too left out or anything.”<br/><br/></p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>After a good dinner at home, they were back on the road to hockey practice with their gear in the back of the car.</p><p><br/>“Hey, is it okay if I talk about another one of the writing prompts I've seen? I know you don't always like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael half sighed. “One only. I can handle that, but you'll owe me later,” he joked. “And it's more that I wish I could contribute but really can't because I'm just not creative in the same way you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay that's fair. This one is a funny one though. “Knock knock.” “Who's there? ...OW! Why'd you punch me in the face?!” “Seemed like a good idea at the time.” I love this one.” Rich laughed. Michael chuckled too. “The only problem with it is it kind of... doesn't need to have much more added to it. Like, it's practically a story on it's own. But I do have a few ideas for a short story. Like maybe they're drunk, or the person who did the punching is really good at impulsive decisions. Or both really. Feel bad for the friend though. Or it could've been a poor attempt at a pick up line? But nah, I don't think that'd work so well.”</p><p> </p><p>“You're right, that does stand pretty well on its own.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. But I think it could still work in a story? Like, not as the focus of a story but as a good example of the dynamic of two people? Or how insane one character is if they're doing it to a stranger. So it could be in a longer story, it just wouldn't work for anything but a short story on its own. As it stands, I feel like Jake or I would be the one to use the joke and you or Jeremy would be the ones to fall for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael laughed. “Oh definitely. No doubt about that. I can just imagine Jake being all sincere about it, too. And Jeremy being all affronted. I'd probably laugh it off, because if it's for a joke, I'd hope you and Jake aren't hitting too hard.” He raised an eyebrow at Rich in challenge.</p><p> </p><p>“You're right, you're right, I wouldn't. Jake doesn't always know his own strength sometimes which is a pain in the butt when he's messing around, though maybe with Jeremy who's not as sturdy he'll realize he needs to hold back some. Anyways, yeah, that's what I was kind of thinking? Because sometimes its easiest to think of character dynamics in terms of the dynamics our friends have at least for a starting point. But I think I'd still have the characters actually be drunk even if Jake and I would be dumb and impulsive enough to do it when sober. And now that I know I would I better do my best to avoid it huh?</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways... so the wider story would probably be about a group with some different plot and then one day they get drunk, and that scenario happens. And maybe the whole group is funny so they keep repeating the joke until all of them have been hit at least once. And if they're out drinking they probably get kicked out of the bar at that point... Oh, that'd be funny to write. But it'd still just be a small scene out of a huge story.”</p><p> </p><p>“Makes sense to me. And we're here.” Michael parked the car. He was still happy he was back to driving. It made things far less of a pain for everything, really. He grabbed his things, even if he wouldn't be able to do much. His coach did want him doing some upper body things now that the cast was off, so he would probably be working on that. Maybe doing some stick and puck work without moving or something. He'd just have to see. But hey, at least he was somewhat back at practice instead of just watching everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>The next day would be a game, so he and Rich would have to rush over after musical practice was over at five to get ready for the game at 6:30. The likelihood that Rich would be playing was pretty slim but they still had to be there for the team. And the atmosphere of watching a game from the team bench was always spectacular.</p><p> </p><p>After a great practice, it was off to home for homework and bed. And maybe some video games too while they were at it. If they were far enough along on their homework. Despite their difficulties and especially ADHD, both Rich and Michael did try to stay on top of things, though the further away it was due the harder that was.</p><p> </p><p>Michael ended up turning to his newest painting and making a face partway through his homework. He really didn't like that eerie bathroom shower painting thing he did. It implied blood and stuff and it was just weird. He decided he'd probably get rid of it. Carefully, because if his moms knew they'd keep it and he really did hate it.</p><p> </p><p>Once the work was finished, it was only 9:30 because they really only had mild worksheets to do, and nothing done tomorrow so they didn't exactly work hard either. They got the stuff due on Wednesday done and that was most important, would take a lot of pressure off with the game the next day.</p><p> </p><p>Rich had already gotten a game set up before Michael went out and joined him. Michael knew at a glance that it was a single player game, but it was on the PS4. So he grabbed his switch to play one of his other games. They sat like that for a while, just playing their games, occasionally cursing at enemies in the game.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Rich had to have a bit long rant after nearly throwing his controller down about how difficult a boss was. And it was stupid difficult, too. Too many waves of other enemies, different techniques required for each, and then an attack that was basically an insta-kill if it wasn't recognized and guarded against in the round before. And he only got that far after four attempts from other times.</p><p> </p><p>Michael could only nod in sympathy. He'd never played the game himself, but he'd seen the struggles in the battle. And like Rich said, he hadn't died once in any of the other boss battles so suddenly dying in that one so many times was infuriating. He had thought he might even have leveled up too much after his last spree before deciding to get on with the plot, but apparently he hadn't leveled up enough.</p><p> </p><p>With that, they both decided it was time to at least get ready for bed so that maybe their brains would start shutting down a little earlier than usual. They weren't nearly as exhausted as they were in the morning, but then they were always way more tired in the mornings, and in the evenings, after a day of exhaustion it was always like they had gotten a second wind. They figured it was an ADHD thing since Michael's mama said she was the same way herself.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Another day, another slog through school. Michael was just grateful he could slog through his day without too many issues thanks to his hard classes basically alternating with his easy ones. Plus lunch was sandwiched between orchestra and art which was a huge bonus. Others were having more issues and it didn't help that with so few days left before Christmas break, teachers were basically prepping them for homework and projects due after the break, especially since the end of the semester would be the second Friday of January, with the next school day being the first day of second semester.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone was just pretty antsy at this point, but it was to be expected. The seniors were the worst, as was typical. They were in their last year of high school. Of course they want it to be break time already. Not that many of the juniors weren't pretty bad themselves, but the seniors... they were ready to be done with high school already.</p><p> </p><p>Michael made it through the morning. He wasn't too happy about the morning, because AP chemistry was getting difficult, trying to remember all the different rules. It did follow logic like math did, but nowhere near as straightforward as math was. And AP lit was not much better because they were given a project to read a book on the list of books that were AP approved or whatever, and then answer essay questions about it. And they weren't to use a partner for this one like they had the last one. He had barely made it through that one with Christine's help. He really hoped the afternoon would be better. He'd picked out his book, and would start on it when he had time.</p><p> </p><p>When he made it to the lunch room, it was to find Rich and Christine talking about writing again while everyone else looked amused and ignored them. He sat down, idly listening after he pulled off his headphones. He wasn't in the mood for talking so he mostly just focused on eating and listening to how everyone else's mornings went. It sounded like the teachers were being just as rough in other classes, like the languages, so he was probably getting off lighter in comparison.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay,” Christine was calming down from laughter. “What about this one? 'He stared at the barrel of her gun as he fell to his knees. “You don't have to do this.” Tears stung her eyes. She breathed deeply, aiming the rifle at his skull. “I wish that were true.” This is giving me zombie apocalypse or spy vibes.” Christine finally took a breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, definite zombie apocalypse vibes. Or spy yeah. Or maybe... there's this huge thing going on and they can't keep going in a big group? Or she was ordered to do that and he's actually a prisoner? Wow this one actually has a lot of possibilities of having a great story built around it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know! I think that the zombie apocalypse has been a little overdone now though. If anyone were to write that, they'd have to be putting a unique twist on it compared to what we got now. And that's just... not going to happen. At. All. Because even if it's unique people will still find things to complain about. So I'd say going a spy or prisoner sort of route would definitely make the most sense for this one.”</p><p> </p><p>“So... There's probably some sort of war or political scheming going on, in a setting where execution is common. Person maybe is a spy, gets caught, and the person ordered to kill them was their friend. I'd say romance is involved but that kind of thing is just too common, why can't people just be friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“I agree. The only way I'm interested in romance is if it's Jeremy or a subplot. One of the reasons I find Heather's so entertaining, really. Anyways. Back on topic. So they're really good friends, like family, and she has to kill him. But she really doesn't want to. But then, she'd be branded a traitor. Maybe they both just want out of the war or whatever is going on by then. And maybe the spy had been turning towards her side or she had been turning towards his, and basically killing him is punishment for not realizing he was the spy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, yeah, I love this idea. This could go so far, really. I'm not sure I could write it, but I'd love to. So much fun to come up with stuff though! I hope I can figure out how to start writing over break because so far everything I've seen with creative writing is just incredibly fun so it's going to be amazing.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shook his head and looked up for the first time since sitting down. “It's only been like four days since you started thinking about writing why are you so into this already?”</p><p> </p><p>Rich shrugged. “I don't know. It just makes sense I guess. And I've always had stories going on in my head, and I really enjoy that fanfiction you showed me. It just never really occurred to me that I could be the one writing it. Which is odd in hindsight, but here I am. I really can't wait to try it out.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael looked at him for a few minutes then nodded. “Okay that makes sense.” He went back to picking at his food and idly listening to the conversations around him. Thank goodness everyone knew his moods, and so knew better than to try to drag him into one.</p><p> </p><p>He hoped the afternoon went better than the morning. They weren't, not really. His art classes introduced the last projects for the year, which would be graded whether completed or not, with supplementary points based on how completed they were. They weren't bad projects, really. Though the 3-D art one required him to sit still to get a mask formed to his face with plaster and then painting the results. But it was still just another deadline and it was really annoying him, now. Pre-calc they were taking a test the next day so that day was just review at least, but there was going to be another test before the end of the semester, meaning that somehow they would be getting through a whole chapter in two weeks, and it didn't look like an easy one. Michael did love math, and found it easy, but even he had some difficulties learning new concepts quickly. And US Government... the less said about that the better. For one, the map came back. And they would have to apparently mark states according to recent voting habits as part of the series of finals they would be doing the last week of the semester.</p><p> </p><p>Michale was super grumpy for the musical. The only thing that got him through the rehearsal was the fact that he was actually pretty decent at acting when he put in the effort. And of course, they were reminded that they had to be well on the way to memorizing their lines after the New Years to make blocking easier, and it was just another thing to do over break and he was starting to get pretty overwhelmed with it all... And he still had to go to the hockey game that night.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, dude, you okay?” Rich asked him when they got to the car.</p><p> </p><p>Michael sighed. “No, no I'm not.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I'll drive then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go right ahead.” Michael tossed him the keys and just about threw himself into the passenger seat. “It's just been a rough day, teachers announcing projects and stuff due at the end of the semester, most of that including work over the break. Thank goodness the 3-D art project shouldn't take me long once I get the mask actually made, since after that its just painting. But chemistry is rough and there's a decent size assignment due after break, all four of my regular classes have tests at the end of the semester and I'm just getting overwhelmed with it all.”<br/><br/></p><p>“Ah. And being reminded that the script needs memorizing and we're supposed to be working on that over break really didn't help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope, not at all.” Michael sighed. “Um, for dinner, I could go for comfort food.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good to me.” Rich nodded. “Because your comfort food is my comfort food too. I'm also a little overwhelmed, but I guess I'm handling it better although... I wonder if part of this is delayed reaction after last week with Jeremy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Right. I'm mostly over it now, but that doesn't mean it's not still affecting my mental state. Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. If it's not a delayed reaction, it certainly built up and all the projects and stuff was kind of the last straw.” Michael sighed. “Well, I'll be using Mom's method of homework over break.”</p><p> </p><p>“You still haven't explained that to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well basically, we write out our homework. Like, everything that needs to be done over break, with due date. Then we number them in order of easiest to hardest. After that they get a letter referring to how long they are, A being shortest, and then we set up a schedule for break using that. We'll be doing that tomorrow night when we get home. Because remember how I mentioned that there's a bit of time in the morning where it's basically a lazy morning? That's reserved for the shortest and easiest of the assignments. Generally that means there's time to get two of them done. The rest will be scheduled over the following days, staggering them. So one day will have the hardest assignment in the morning and the shortest one in the afternoon, and the next day might be number 3 and letter F assignments. Generally, we fill the days until all assignments are listed once. If after the first time we work on them, the assignment gets done, it gets listed in the next available day. It works pretty well. I still sometimes cut it close, but I'm not doing too much at once. I guess really what has me worried is the AP Lit assignment, which is read a book, and answer essay questions, on my own, by the end of the semester, which means it doesn't have to be done before the end of break, but knowing myself I should probably have more than half of it done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Okay. That makes sense. Oh, right. You were a little out of it, but our friends were talking about getting together to practice the script a couple times over break, as part of hanging out. I suppose then if it was evening the afternoon assignments could be done in the early afternoon, and if we do an afternoon hangout we can push the assignment to the evening so long as we're back by say 8.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael perked up a bit at that. Partially just because of how accepting of the idea of how to do homework Rich was. But also because group practice could be a lot of fun. For one, they had all the Heathers. The only problem was most of his scenes were with Veronica but then anyone could just read her lines for him. “That sounds pretty good, actually.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool. We'll just need to pick the days. I know, I know, Sundays are off limits and we might have a couple of other days off limits since your mama wasn't sure about what days off she has next week.”</p><p> </p><p>Michael grinned. “You're good at remembering that stuff, thanks. It shouldn't be long before we know more.”</p><p> </p><p>They ate their dinner in the car once they arrived at the arena, knowing they only had a few minutes before the coach would get mad at them for being late. Dinner was gone quickly and then they grabbed their bags to enter the arena. The JV teams were playing already, which was normal. They were to warm up in the other ice rink while the game was going on and then they'd have further warm up once the game rink was theirs. All pretty standard stuff they were used to, though this was the first year they were fully on the varsity team. Michael had had a hard time with balancing the musical practices with his games before, but now the earliest any of the games would be was 6:30, except for the tournament games in the middle of the day.</p><p> </p><p>The warm ups went smoothly, the team meeting went well with strategies. Michael was a little upset he still had to sit on the bench and was just distressed enough he knew he was going to get a headache and be dangerously close to meltdown at the end. He'd have to be careful and do something about that later. But for now... hockey.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>Their team had won, and Rich had even spent about a minute on the ice while the coach did some rearranging of strategies. He wasn't up to his usual ability, but it was good enough to stall the other team. Michael was just glad it was over. The noise was starting to get to him by the time it was over. They got in the car, Rich driving again, and Michael leaned back, squeezing his eyes shut and praying for the migraine to go away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Ugh, how many assignments do I have due tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Four. But you've completed all of them, including the math review that you did in class today. So aside from maybe studying for the pre-calc test tomorrow, which I don't believe you require, you have no classwork requirements tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Thank god. I don't think I can do anything productive tonight besides try to regain some mental stability. Time for some retro gaming tonight then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ah yes. That will help immensely, I believe. Do remember to mention this to Rich, though. Don't want to worry him. And you're close enough to the edge that you might snap if he asks about it himself.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Ugh right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Rich?” Michael opened an eye and then immediately closed it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I'm going to take some painkillers and then pull out some retro games when we get home. I need some me time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, is it okay if I am in the room with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael considered it for longer than necessary due to the throbbing pain. “Give me about thirty minutes and you can even play with me. I just need thirty minutes. Ugh tomorrow is going to suck, it's already nearly ten.”</p><p> </p><p>“No kidding. But it is the last day of school before break so I think we can afford to stay up a little too late.”</p><p> </p><p>“True... I just have a pre-calc test tomorrow. No others though, which is nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. My math class also has a test tomorrow. Ugh. But I think I have the other classes well covered, I'll just take care of the last of the homework in my room for thirty minutes. I should have it done by then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good to me.” They fell silent for the rest of the ride home.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>After forty minutes, his homework took him longer than expected, Rich joined Michael to play a game in two player mode. Michael was pretty well in the zone, so Rich chose not to really say anything just grabbed a controller and got himself set up quickly. Then they were playing quietly together for a good while.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I'm a bit more centered now,” Michael spoke up. “Tomorrow will still be rough since I'm still a bit too close to the edge of meltdown for comfort, but I should be able to handle it if I listen to music most of the day.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's good,” Rich responded. “So, anything you want to talk about?”</p><p> </p><p>Michael shrugged. “Not really. We've talked the Jeremy topic to death, we've talked our favorite games and such to death. And we've talked personal stuff to death at this point. What is there to talk about?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good point. I did find some interesting pictures on tumblr. Did you know some people use pictures for prompts? I don't know how they do that. Like, there's one where it's just this train track winding through a dense forest. How's that a prompt? There was one that was just a campfire, too. It was just... so weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. People really can make stories out of pictures like that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently. I haven't read any yet though. I'm going to have to though now that I've seen it because I just can't find a way to make it work.”</p><p> </p><p>“That's fair. Was there anything else interesting on tumblr?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, some writing competitions. Not going to try that until I have a little bit of experience. Um. There was also some good fanart. Didn't realize one of the people I follow is a brony, actually. The art was really good though. I think you'd like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, send me the link later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do. But that was all that was really interesting today. I wasn't really looking too hard anyways. Most of my timeline seems to be political or some kind of in depth discussion I just can't read sometimes. It's really annoying, like my eyes automatically just skip over those paragraphs and move onto the next post even when I am interested.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah, I know that feeling. Really really annoying, honestly.” They fell silent, save for the noise of the tv and the clicks of the controllers.</p><p> </p><p>They both groaned as they died. “Well, guess that's our cue to call it for the night.” Michael sighed in disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>Rich nodded and stretched. He then helped Michael put things away before they went for the bathroom to get ready for bed.</p><p> </p><p>“It was fun though, I hope you feel better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think I do. Just a little.” Michael cracked a smile.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>The next day ended up going better than Michael was expecting even with the sleep deprivation staying up had caused. The classes weren't stressful as they'd already gotten assignments for over break, and there wouldn't be any math assignment at all thanks to the test. So there was that at least. Art was relaxing now that he was over the shock of getting one final assignment so late, he'd thought the last one had been introduced on December 1<sup>st</sup>. Apparently, he was wrong. But he was mostly over it, and art was back to being relaxing as he worked on finishing up the second to last projects in both classes. US government was annoying as always, but thankfully the teacher seemed to understand that everyone would be antsy with break coming up and didn't actually do too much lecturing, mostly keeping it to a review game.</p><p> </p><p>Then came the musical practice, where very few were able to concentrate on the script reading, so they were let out an half an hour early. And there was no hockey practice that day, though there would be a couple of longer practices the following week they needed to mark in their calendars still.</p><p> </p><p>Michael was just happy to be done with the day. To be going home and relaxing until the next day- Christmas Eve! It would be brilliant. And really, everything was going to be okay. Jeremy was now on speaking terms with him, though they would never be the friends they were before. And that was okay. Michael, despite his bad day the day before, was pretty happy with where his life was and where it seemed to be going.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, I don't have any ideas for continuing this story, so I think this was a good end point for it.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, to start off with, I find the idea that Squips can change forms fascinating, so I figured why not have a couple of other go tos when advice sounds better from them? Princess Luna is there because I cannot resist, and it makes a little sense for someone like Michael and even Jeremy (when he's not desperate to fit in) to be interested in MLP, which I myself am a big fan of.</p><p>I realize that the upperclassmen are unnecessarily vicious but I did that for two reasons: I figured Rich got his desperation to be cool from somewhere, and sometimes there are a couple of really bad apples in a class but then not in others. (For example, the class above me hated mine because there were several idiots in mine.)</p><p>I didn't put in Rich being desperate for a girlfriend here for a couple of reasons. I felt like his words were an exaggeration of the situation in retrospect (like now if he went back to that, that's how he'd feel). I also distinctly recall very few boys going out with girls in freshman year seriously. They might have asked a girl to a dance, but that's kind of about it. (Plus being asexual I really don't get how obsessed with sex and stuff people write teens and adults in fanfics; like please tell me that's not how people normally think at all times.). If you really want to, you can pretend all those sexual thoughts and all are happening 'behind the scenes'. It's not how I think and I'm not comfortable writing teenage boys that way.</p><p>Next chapter actually will have a time skip in which I summarize what happened, and will start either the summer before junior year or at the start of that school year. So... a year and a half, probably a little bit more, but not quite two years.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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